How's Your Romance? (The Gay Divorce)

I think I'm lonely. I want.

I've never been interested in a relationship before. Well, I've definitely been interested but I never sought one out just for the sake of being in one. I was never taken with the idea of being someone's other half. I rejected everyone's notions of searching for love. And in a way I still do. But I think I'm ready now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I finally watched season 6 of Sex And The City and all the girls ended up with someone, even though some of them have convinced me in other seasons that it's fabulous to be single.

It could be because I fell hard for someone a couple of months ago, giving me a taste of what it would be like to be in love. I don't even have any clear thoughts on this topic. What I really want is to already be in a seven year relationship. I want to be comfortable and with someone I know inside out, and who knows me inside out. I don't want to date. I just want to be there. Ugh. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm not satisfying Myself as much as I thought I was. We hardly masturbate anymore.

Never Try To Bind Me (The Vagabond King)

I kept telling my father that I'll speak to him the way he speaks to his family. He doesn't listen and constantly blows up at me for treating him with the same respect he shows me. So now I don't talk to him at all except to tell him not to talk to me. This morning he told me to go to Hell.

My mother passed along some words from my uncle in Mexico tonight regarding my sexuality. I should be very careful and watch myself, and that I should never tell anyone. Sometimes, and I guess I am going to Hell now for thinking this, but I sometimes can't wait for them to die so that I no longer have to worry about what they think. I hate living under them that much. I'm an awful human being. But unsupportive parents equals better off on my own.

My sister is flying in from Hong Kong tomorrow and my brother gave his girlfriend the ring.

This is going to be an interesting Christmas holiday.

Who Do You Think You Are? (The Wiz)

I don't understand why certain people feel they have the right to jump into other people's pictures. If I ever see a picture being taken in my vicinity, I respectfully stand back unless invited into the photoshoot. On my long list of pet peeves is those idiots who decide to make an appearance in photos they should never have been a part of. Especially when it's someone that you're not actually friends with and especially when that someone completely ruins the picture. Smarten up, you morons!

When I Get My Name In Lights (The Boy From Oz)

But not just yet. Ottawa, I can't wait to leave you for bigger and better things. For now, though, while I still have less than half the debt I returned with to pay off, I'm going to enjoy being a local superstar. I'm a pretty big deal around Orpheus Musical Theatre Society, I'm not going to lie. When I came back to town and auditioned for Victor/Victoria last March, I blew them away. I beat out many hopeful ladies to become the Jazz Singer, which I have been told was one of the most memorable moments of the show. Then came time for Beauty and The Beast, when I auditioned for a lead, but got offered a small lead and dance chorus, because they really needed me to dance. I made the demand of being kept busy, and being the focal point of the dance numbers, front stage center. I ended up with five parts including the alpha wolf, and the gargoyle in addition to my roles as dancer and Monsieur D'Arque, AND I was the main attraction of most of the dance numbers.

The next show is Guys and Dolls. I didn't audition. I needed a break. I hate the show. But I LOVE the directing team. The two choreographers are friends of mine, the musical director and I go way back and she's still mad at me for not auditioning. The director is a legend that I had the pleasure of working with briefly in Kiss Me Kate five years ago. He played the random character of Harrison Howell, and was pretty much never needed at rehearsals so he never really associated with the rest of the cast. Right before he makes his entrance, my character came into the scene to introduce him. We would stand together in the dark wings waiting to go on, and interacted mildly. On both opening and closing nights he gave me a card telling me how I made him feel comfortable every night before going on stage. It was sweet. He's a sweet old fella. During Beauty and The Beast, he showed up at one of our tech rehearsals. I've often thought about how much I'd like to work with him again, but I haven't seen him in five years. I suspected he'd have no idea who I was anymore. He did. As soon as he saw me he called out my name and introduced me to his wife. She said "Is he the one that you emailed when he came back to town." I was touched, but disappointed because I never got the email. How did he know I was in town. I told him I'd love to audition for Guys and Dolls, but I wasn't going to.

Fast forward to the present. A friend of mine who's playing Nicely Nicely and has been begging me to do the show told me that the dude who plays Benny hasn't shown up to one rehearsal and if he gets kicked out, he's suggesting they cast me. This Benny character played Eddie in Mamma Mia in Toronto. He's amazingly talented and a nice guy to your face, but he's a total diva. During West Side Story last year, he was cast as Riff but told the directors he wasn't going to show up for rehearsals until half way through the process, which was fine at first, but when he started flaking, they had to replace him. I went to bar night at Orpheus tonight (weekly cast party thing), where the musical director gave me flack again for not auditioning, and the director told me that if I want they'd still fit me into the show. I explained to him that I was happy to be on a break now and that I have some stuff coming up in the new year. What I didn't mention was that I would cover Benny if that dude is on the outs. So I discretely informed on of the choreographers to pass along that if they kicked him out, that I would do the show. It's pretty likely that things are going to go this way. So looks like I'm doing a show in March.

The director of the next show after that found out that I was staying in town until summer and asked me to audition for the show, enticing me with Steam Heat (it's not The Pajama Game, it's a musical revue for their 100th anniversary). So I'm feeling in a good position in this town.

I really wish the real world were like this. I wish everyone in professional theatre land thought I was the most amazingly talented person in the world and begged me to do shows, even without auditioning. Why can't Ottawa have good paying musical theatre? Everyone's saying that I'm headed for Broadway and that I'm a triple threat, but realistically, yes, I'm a singing and dancing actor like this city has never seen, but I'm out-sung and out-danced at professional auditions. I hate that. Why can't I be as amazing as everyone thinks I am? Mind you, a big part of my appeal here is that I give my all at rehearsal and make sure to be pleasant to everyone, so that they fall in love with me. This can also work in the paying world, but I have to have the talent to back it up. I hate this vicious cycle.

Good 'N' Evil (Jeckyll & Hyde)

I met another guy tonight that the same friend is sleeping with. That's two of five. She's got five relationships going on at the same time. Most of them know about each other. She has great sex with them all and some mean more to her than others. It was kind of trippy to see her with two different guys, two nights in a row, acting the exact same way with both of them. It's funny, because, like her, it's so hard for me to decide which one I like better. I meet one and I'm like, oh yeah, he should be the only one. And then I meet the other and think, oh yeah, he should be the only one. It's a tough life she must be leading.

I on the other hand have been dating Myself exclusively and have gone celibate. Yes, I've even stopped touching myself. Well, at least to the point of ejaculation. Mostly because we're trying to make this relationship work, and since before it was mostly based on sex - well, handjobs - we're going for a deeper connection.

I think it's super cool that I'm dating only Myself and sleeping with no one, and she is dating and sleeping with five different men. This is so Sex And The City.

Comedy Tonight (A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum)

A friend of mine is sleeping with a famous Toronto comedian who comes to town every now and then, so we went to a comedy club tonight to check out his act. Before he went on, I asked him if I heckled him, if he could call me a nigger. I think he likes me. Anyway, while watching all these comedians go up there to do their schtick, all I could do was write my own material. It's weird, how when I watch a movie or a theatrical production of sorts, no matter how brilliant it is, actually especially if it's brilliant and inspiring, my mind always manages to wander to my career and my potential. So tonight, I decided that as soon as I have the time, I'm going to check out an amateur night and hit it up the next week. I've got a great bit about poo that the audience is just going to LOVE!

(*side note*, I one time saw a movie that was truly terrible, but so terrible that it was upsetting. I walked out of the theatre realizing that my mind never once wandered. It was not inspiring.)

Gorgeous (The Apple Tree)

I really want to look good naked (you know, to please Myself... and myself) but I'm so lazy/poor/lazy/unwilling to work for it that it's never going to happen. Sucks. I also saw the Sex And The City Box Set at HMV for the low, low price of $199 and it's taking all my energy to not drop my Visa on it today.

Le Jazz Hot (Victor/Victoria)

So watching this now, I realize that I wish I had been able to film myself during rehearsals to see where I needed fixing. I'm none too pleased with my singing chops AND that fan kick was disgusting! But I'm still the hotness. Watch!



(this video was filmed illegally from the wings on closing night. The person filming was holding the camera, wrapped in a long black glove, and wasn't looking through the lense, she was just pointing and shooting randomly. I think she did an amazing fucking job of following me blindly!)

Reviewing The Situation (Oliver!)

Things are going great between me and Myself. We stayed in bed all morning, went for a hair cut, went to a dance class, watched a movie. I even rearranged my entire bedroom in order to accommodate Myself, so that it would feel more like "our" room. So I took Myself to the salon, and was disappointed for two reasons. The first being that I had asked to keep the length, but reduce the bulk. Now I feel like I have none of the length and all of the bulk. Myself insists that I still look sexy, which is reassuring. The other reason is that the shampoo boy nearly gave me an erection, the way he was massaging my head so perfectly when he was conditioning my hair. I have never had such a seductive shampooing in my life. Instead of tipping him I wanted to make out with him. Now I feel bad for wanting to cheat on Myself, but is making out really cheating?

A Fine Catch (Johnny Belinda)

I've decided to start dating myself. We're taking it slow for now. I mean, even though we've known each other practically all our lives, the decision to take the relationship to the next level is a new one. Oh, sure, we've always been very fond of each other, and we've been booty calling each other since puberty, but it's time for romance. I took myself out to the movies this afternoon after work, but there was nothing good playing at my favourite movie theatre, so instead, I decided to pamper myself by making an appointment at the salon tomorrow. I'm also going to take myself to a dance class tomorrow night. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Just hope I don't talk too much.

I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair (South Pacific)

My two step program to getting over someone.

Step 1: Stay away from them. Only speak when spoken to. Make it brief. Pretend you don't care. Eventually you will start to believe yourself.

Step 2: Focus on their faults. The carpet's negative attitude, which originally turned me on, has of late turned me off so badly that I've become to only think negative thoughts about him. Phew.

So that's it. I like him a lot less. Good times. Still cute, though. Just losing lots of points in the personality department, and that's huge.

So the show is over. I'm not going through post-show withdrawl. It's nice. I'm sleeping lots.

Here are some backstage photos because I don't have any show photos yet.

I've noticed that I've stopped writing in all capitals and have been writing in all miniscules. I wonder what that's a reflection of.

The Internet Is For Porn (Avenue Q)

Beauty and The Beast is going fabulously, but I can't wait for it to be over. I'll have pictures soon. In the meantime, I've JUST finished editing a backstage film I made during Victor/Victoria. I have the tail end here for you to see because I'm VERY proud of it! And when you're done watching that, watch the video below it. It's probably my favourite sex video on XTube.com. I wish I had a wide vagina just like that girl so that I could take his massive... ok, shut up and watch and drool and get wet.

Move [You're Stepping On My Heart] (Dreamgirls)

I can't even write this because I'm going to start crying. The news she had for me was that the carpet kissed the cupcake. This bothered me not when I heard it because I figured it was just a random attempt to pretend he's straight. He's been pretending to like this girl for a year now but he always knew that she's carrying a lot of baggage, and I knew she had a crush on him, but she knows that he's a mo. So why did it kill me tonight to see him with his arm around her at the restaurant after the show? I don't know what to think anymore. I seriously, do not mind closet cases, especially young ones. I don't think it's my business when or how they come out, which is why I haven't poured my heart out to him yet. But a closet case who takes on a girlfriend is the worst kind. It's the J.B. kind and I hate that because I feel like they're using another human being and, in a way, ruining that girl's life. She's already been fucked up by one guy, she doesn't need another. I'm trying to get over this fucker but my heart won't let me. I hate this!!!!!! This isn't how my life is supposed to work. I need to break down and cry about it sometime soon so I can finally move on. I feel like my life is on hold until I get over this. I'm going to have to cut him out of my life after this show until we get to work on our next project, which I'm no longer looking forward to. Ugh. UGH!

I Want To Know (Big)

A) She told me last night that she was going to call me today because she had something to tell me. What could it be? Hopefully it's about the carpet. She's best friends with him. I called her today and she said she had to call me back. I'm waiting patiently. Wetting myself.

B) Why is my face getting worst? Is the hydrocortizone I'm using detrimental? I think maybe 1% is too high and I should be using .5% or something. Why did it have to happen on the day when my doctor's office closes early, forcing me to go to the stupid medical clinic, which always gets it wrong? Am I going to have to live with rashy redness on my face (especially around my eye) forever?

C) The reviewers came last night. Did I make enough of an impact with my small character to get a mention? Will the mention be positive?

D) Will the smoke ever cover up Belle and The Beast so that the transformation can happen out of view of the audience, or is the audience going to have to sit there every night as the smoke comes in slowly from each side, rise in the middle where The Beast is lying, and see Belle help him remove his mask and gloves and wig and hand them to the hidden stage hands?

If A Girl Isn't Pretty (Funny Girl)

I have been disfigured. I look like the Phantom of the Opera. On Monday night we tried putting on my gargoyle mask with spirit gum. We tried it on just one side to see if it would work. It didn't. Tuesday, I noticed some redness on that side of my face, but figured I had just slept too hard on it. Wednesday morning I woke up and my right eye was swollen and the entire right side of my face had broken out into a rash. I went to see a doctor and got a prescription for some cream. Sometimes I think it's getting better, but sometimes it looks like it's not. My ear is getting pretty bad. I don't like this. I feel less beautiful. I feel like Brittany on The Young And The Restless when she got electrocuted by the stripper pole that someone had rigged to kill her, scarring her face and destroying her self esteem. Except that my self esteem is still intact. I actually feel kind of cool. I think scars give character, and if I'm anything it's a character. And this isn't going to scar (hopefully), I just want it to stop itching.

It's opening night tonight and I'm effing pumped.

I'm Only Thinking Of Him (Man Of La Mancha)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I can't get the carpet out of my mind. I hate this. I HATE THIS FEELING. Ugh. It's so not what I want to be thinking about but it's all I do. He's always running around in my head. He seriously gets up in the morning, just before I wake up, puts on his cute little running shoes, crawls into my brain and jogs around, spinning thought of himself, while he smiles his adorable smile and waves excitedly. He doesn't stop until I go to bed. Where does he get the energy from? Fuck! And then in real life he's totally hard to read! On Sunday, when we had our orchestra rehearsal and move in to the theatre, he was being so cute and flirty. He accidentally got paint on my hoodie and later said that now I'll always think of him when I put it on. All I have to do is look at him and I melt. I want , him out of my life or in it completely. It's very frustrating. ARGH!

I'm not supposed to be like this. I've spent many many years training myself to love only me and think of only me and have sex with only me. Someone take away his running shoes.

On another note, we open on Friday night and I'm very excited.

Blank Sheet Of Paper (Babies! Babies! Babies!)

I may have gone on a date tonight. I'm not sure. I can never really tell.

Monkeys And Playbills ( [title of show] )

Welcome to my 100th BLOG EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!! 100 blog, 100 showtunes! I've managed to write my first one hundred posts without ever once repeating a musical. And believe me, I've been tempted. I'm not sure how much longer I can stick with it, but there are thousands of musicals out there, so I can't give up now. It just sucks when I write something and have an amazing title for it, but I've already used up the musical. Oh well, such is life.

Thank you (all five of you) for sticking with me and reading up on me. I have loved doing the same for you (obsessively). You've been with me through a lot of important events in my life. From my first blog, Why (tick, tick... BOOM!), to my trip to Hong Kong, Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street) through Back To Before (Ragtime). From my missing Toronto and you guys way too much, My Friends (Sweeney Todd), to my forgetting all about you when I met Bernadette Peters and saw her live, Does Anybody Want To Buy A Memory (Brooklyn). The boycott I set against Ottawa's public transit system in It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q) is still going strong after six months. I made my first few substantial payments on my credit cards in Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic), setting myself off to a good start. I got a down and dirty in A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party) and I Can't Make This Movie (Nine) when I got it one with two different guys only days apart - the first knew my father, and the second I attempted to secretly videotape as he blew me on my mother's waching machine. I ended up in a brief romance, my first in like three years beginning with Then You May Take Me To The Fair (Camelot) and ending with What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar). You've witnessed my blog's face lift in I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy), and my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance, (which has rubbed off on most of you) in Fast (Zanna, Don't!). I complained about people being obsessed with the being in love in Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate) and have since fallen for someone I can't shake out of my system (or out of the closet!) in Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks). I had a paramount heart to heart with my mother in Confession (A Man Of No Importance) and my brother, What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead). Most importantly, Neenia and I became internet sensations in We Dance (Once On This Island). Thank you for reading, commenting, and making my life in Ottawa so much more bearable by allowing me to read your tales as well.

And now, Ladies and Gentleman, I present you with my first one hundred blog titles.

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead 1&2: The Musical)

Waiting For This Moment (Tarzan)

What's Wrong With That? (Rags)

Small Talk (The Pajama Game)

I Get A Kick Out Of You, or, You're The Top (Anything Goes)

Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate)

Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh (The Phantom Of The Opera)

Why God Why? (Miss Saigon)

Private Thoughts (Teddy & Alice)

Awesome (The Wedding Singer)

The Madness Of King Scar (The Lion King)

On The Street Where You Live (My Fair Lady)

Hell No! (The Colour Purple)

Keep It Gay (The Producers)

When Velma Takes The Stand (Chicago)

Safe (Hello Again)

Fast (Zanna, Don't!)

Make Me Happy (Lippa's The Wild Party)

Food, Glorious Food (Oliver!)

The Money Song (Cabaret)

Use What You've Got (The Life)

Good Morning, Baltimore (Hairspray)

I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy)

Movies Were Movies (Mack And Mabel)

We're Ok (Rent)

What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Holding Out For A Hero (Footloose)

The Best Of Times (La Cage Aux Folles)

Summertime (Porgy And Bess)

Poor, Poor Pharoah (Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat)

One Special Man (Big)

Children Will Listen (Into The Woods)

Welcome To The World (john & jen)

See I'm Smiling (The Last Five Years)

This Is Not Over Yet (Parade)

I Think I Can Play This Part (The Goodbye Girl)

Workin' It Out (They're Playing Our Song)

Almost A Love Song (Victor/Victoria)

Then You May Take Me To the Fair (Camelot)

Pleased With Myself (Starting Here, Starting Now)

Feed Me [Git It] (Little Shop Of Horrors)

I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)

I Remember That (Saturday Night)

Diva's Lament (Spamalot)

Don't Like You (The Beautiful Game)

I Whistle A Happy Tune (The King And I)

Nothing (A Chorus Line)

I Can't Make This Movie (Nine)

Funny/The Duck Joke (My Favourite Year)

A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party)

Not Enough Magic (The Rink)

Goodnight And Thank You (Evita)

Don't Quit While You're Ahead (The Mystery Of Edwin Drood)

Steppin' To The Bad Side, or, I Am Changing (Dreamgirls)

Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little (The Music Man)

Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic)

We've Won (The Who's Tommy)

Sexual Confusion (Taboo)

It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q)

Unexpected Song (Song and Dance)

Does Anybody Wanna Buy A Memory (Brooklyn)

My Friends (Sweeney Todd)

There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This (Sweet Charity)

Fancy Meeting You Here (Lucky Stiff)

Hard Work (Fame)

Why We Like Spelling (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)

Too Much Exposition (Urinetown)

Opportunity Knocking (The Thing About Men)

Who's Got The Pain? (Damn Yankees)

Day By Day (Godspell)

A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste (Whistle Down The Wind)

Where Do I Go? (Hair)

Poor, Unsuccessful And Fat (A New Brain)

The First Man You Remember (Aspects Of Love)

Everybody's Got The Right (Assassins)

No Life (Sunday In The Park With George)

If I Were A Bell (Guys and Dolls)

Back To Before (Ragtime)

Journey To The Past (Anastacia)

Simple Joys (Pippin)

Eternal Youth Is Worth A Little Suffering (Sunset Boulevard)

Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street)

What Is This Feeling? (Wicked)

Don't Tell Me Everything (Brownstone)

I Want It All (Baby)

Oh, Ain't That Sweet (Thou Shalt Not)

Why? (Tick, Tick...BOOM!)

Opening: The New World (Songs For A New World)

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Much like Dansy Antsy Pantsy, I'm wondering when the hell I'm going to change my life around and get healthy. Unlike her, however, I don't have any plans to make these changes anymore, after years of failed attempts.

This makes me wonder if I'm slowly killing myself. Is eating fast food all the time clogging my arteries? Does the fact that I really only actually get around to eating about once a day (barely) mean that I have an eating disorder? I have been consuming a significantly minimal amount of junk food and soft drinks of late. Not because I'm trying to, but because my sweet tooth is thinning. I love myself and I don't want me to be unhealthy, but I'm so damn lazy, I can't help it. I don't want to get my ass to a gym (tried that many times over, it's not for me), and I don't have time to eat before/at work. This is so gay. Should I be taking vitamins? Are protein shakes the answer?

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Heard tonight:

"The thing about Skinny Rabbit is he'll blow you away but he'll never blow you." - Andrew, in drag

"Me and Lefou thought we'd just hang back and let Skinny Rabbit steal the spotlight." - Gaston, sarcastically, regarding our Maison Des Lunes trio.

"I've renamed that song The Cold Cut Trio, because it has two turkeys and a ham." - Maureen

"We were wondering, where were you when Gwen Verdon died? Because we think we know where she went." - Debbie (choreographer)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

I also found out last night that he was in the national tour of Peter Pan in France. Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan, but she was not in that company. He was six years old and played Wendy's baby brother and he got to fly. Why is he torturing me?

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

The Good:

I bought a lot of lovely things this week including a winter jacket (it's brown, I tell ya!) from Holt Renfrew, five musical theatre CDs from Song And Script, a hat and gloves from Banana Republic, and a hoodie and pair of undies (my first pair of briefs since like grade 8!) from American Apparel.

I got to hang out with some of my favourite people.

I saw So You Think You Can Dance and shat myself. No really. I'm still wet. I met Natalie and had her babies and she licked me.

The Bad:

I didn't get a picture of Natalie because my fingers stopped working at that point. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Princesse Alathariel. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I spent way too much money. More than I can afford.

The In-Between:

My crush, ugh, I can't even look at anymore. I can't stand the sight of that fucking adorable face any longer. It's getting to the point where talking to him kill me because all I want to do is put my lips on his. Whenever he's speaking to me I give him absolutely no reaction because if I react, it'll be by putting my lips on his. So I give him nothing. I hope he knows.

He's also making me feel inadequate, but not on purpose. I found out today that because of his father's status in the government he doesn't need a passport and can hop on a plane to go anywhere in the world within an hours notice with some sort of international card (I suppose this is like a passport for important people). I found out today that when he was sixteen he went to Kenya and South Africa by himself just because. He's always brings up stuff like this casually because he's kind of insecure that way, which is fine because I do it too, but he still makes me jealous that he's so much younger than me and has seen more Broadway shows than I have. And I've seen quite a few. That's not wrong of me to feel is it? We all feel this way around people like that, right?

He's also pretty catty behind people's backs and is really judgmental. Not that that's a turn off, you just always wonder what he's saying behind your back. Except he usually complements me which makes me think that he wouldn't bad mouth me. But I still want him.

(Oh, and did I mention that he's also an artist. Have I ever told you that I've always wanted to fall in love with someone who can draw and paint, because it's one ability I've always wished I had? It's killing me. Killing me!)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

Excuse me, but I'm sweet on you and you know it. I mean, I've never told you, but you know. You can tell. Look, I know you're not interested in a relationship and you're too selfish and focused on your career right now. Baby, that's cool. So am I! I just think you're super cute. Your smile totally warms my heart and you have nice eyes. Your eyebrows are a little too close together, but we can fix that. I love that you can sing, have a background in gymnastics and are way more flexible that me. I love that you acknowledge that I'm a better dancer than you. It turns me on that you have such a passion for set design and that you go to New York twice a year to see the original cast of all the new Broadway shows, specifically to scope out the sets, and that while you're there you always take a workshop. I fucking love your ambition and drive. I love that you are in university studying architecture. I love that you have a great sense of style, one where you can pull off outfits from thrift stores to Harry Rosen. I love that you're cynical. Did I mention I dig your smile? I hate that you're not open about who you are and that nothing can ever happen between us. Unless we're all wrong and you're not, in which case I'm sorry for doubting you. But you are and I want you.

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

I don't remember what time I woke up this afternoon, but I do remember that I layed in bed with the blinds drawn and watched Sex And The City for hours, beginning with commentary from season four, and ending with only two episodes left to go from season five.

The clock is about to strike six and I am still in my pajamas, and I feel a little sick from not having eaten yet. I may have some chips. Then I will shower. Then I will order a pizza.

At approximately nine pm I will be picked up and taken to a lavish party at Foundation, thrown in my honour.

I'm feeling a little fabulous. No. A lot fabulous.

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

I received this message from a 16 year old today regarding one of our videos. It reads as follows:

im sorry.. but im a dancer and your video of calling you is just disrespecful. im sure if i knew you it would be funny. but i am a dancer and one of mia michaels (the choreographer) students.. and im not too sure shed appreciate it either. i really don't think it's that funny or amussing. that dance is amazing and you just make fun of it is disrespectful. dont watch the show if all your going to do is make fun.

thanks

My retort:

What an interesting reaction. I'm sorry that you felt we were being disrespectful. That was definitely not our intention at all. We were in no way mocking the choreography or the choreographer. We were mearly goofing around in the living room and having fun. If we were making fun of anything, it was our own inability to do the choreography because it is incredibly challenging. We have nothing but repect for the show and especially for Mia Michaels.

I'm not sure why I'm dignifying your comment with a response, especially when most of your sentences don't make any sense. As a writer, and an English speaking human being, I find it insulting that you have such disrespect for the English language. Stay in school and learn some grammar, and how to use punctuations properly.

Thank you.

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

...Because that is what I deserve right now. I just remembered... that's right... just... that I missed someone's birthday on August 28th. Just remembered. About six weeks later. This happens to be the same someone who's side I stood by on her wedding day two months ago as her maid of honour. Why am I such a dinkus? I've called her since, but not to say happy birthday, and I actually never did get through to her. I wonder what she thinks of me right now. I hate me right now. I'm supposed to be her best friend!

On a happier note, I remembered only four days too late that I missed Dancy Antsy Pantsy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANDA! ALBERT LOVES YOU! (even though his memory seems to be failing him in his old age).

On an even happier note I thought I had also forgotten Bedroom Prince's birthday, but then I realized it was more than a month away, so I'm resting easy on that one. I'll remember it hopefully only 2 days later.

And on the happiest note, Neenia and I are celebrities! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. Pop culture icons? No? In any case, we have a small but growing fan base on youtube.com with our So You Think You Can Dance videos! Go check out such comments as:

"this was great! you guys are my heros. or is it heroes?" - ryanhr17

"you should do more dances from the show." - donaldo543

"i'm obsessed with the two of you." - ryanhr17

"she kind of looks like alison" - ameg03

"Wow, I was expecting you guys to really suck. I'm impressed!" - Rachella1983

Yes. We are amazing. I feel better now about being the worst friend in the entire world.

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

Mia Michaels Makes Me Hard

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Who's better?

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon. She took me to a park near Dow's Lake. We sat on a bench. The leaves were orange and brown. Across from us was the end of the Rideau Canal, with several ducks in the water and others standing on land, watching their little friends swim. I told her. I wish someone had been taking pictures or something. I looked good. I was wearing my brown leather jacket over my blue-ish/grey hoodie, over a creamy orange shirt and my hair was strategically messy. Marry that to the perfectly cool, not cold, weather and scenery, and it would have been a lovely scene in a movie.

By the way, the he was my brother, and I'm weirded out that he's the first one in the family I told. I always thought it would be my sister.

What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead 1&2: The Musical)

Say what?! How did he end up being the first? Not the way I thought it would be at all. But better than I expected.

Waiting For This Moment (Tarzan)

Something huge is about to happen in my life. I'll blog about it when it happens. In the meantime, try and guess. Here's a multiple choice quiz to figure out on your own. Please write your answer in the comment forum.

What life-changing event is Skinny-Rabbit anticipating?

a) The loss of his virginity
b) A major role in a major production that he's been in consideration for but hasn't mentioned because of jinx fears
c) A trip to L.A. with his sister who works in the tv industry and has connections
d) Revealing his true sexual identity to his Lebanese/Mexican Orthodox/Catholic family
e) A nose job! (finally!)
f) His papers for his transfer to the New York Hard Rock are about to go through

What's Wrong With That? (Rags)

Is it bad that I absolutely love off-colour, offensive, even downright racist humour? I don't think it's bad. I think it's funny. I love when my Asian friends tell Asian jokes ("Suplise!"), and I love telling the interracial couple at work that they're breaking the laws of God, and I love telling the black guy at work that "it's because he's black." What I love most about it is that most of the people I've come into contact with lately also think it's funny, regardless of their background. I think the more society dwells on racial issues the more racial issues will be... well, an issue. I don't believe in black history month, and I don't believe in gay pride. But I do believe in black history and I do believe in non-self-loathing gay people. I just tend to think that isolating your group and claiming a month or a week to yourself means that the rest of the year everyone's kind of free to not accept you. If we keep talking about the problem, is the problem ever going to go away? I hate Oprah. Not because she's black, not because she's a woman, and not because she's a black woman, but because I hate that she is so self righteous about everything. I love Sarah Silverman because she's as offensive as can be and says what we're all thinking, even though we weren't actually thinking it. If you want to hear some fucking hilarious quotes of hers, ask Alathariel. I'm not sure if this blog has any structure, but I felt like writing this shit. I guess I'm just trying to say that everytime someone laughs at something offensive, the world becomes a better place.

Small Talk (The Pajama Game)

This video makes me smile. I found it on dlisted.blogspot.com. That guy posted it because it makes him smile too. Goodness me. Is this really how they teach you english in Japan? Click on the screen and it takes you to YouTube, where the title reads English Lessons In Japan Part II. I have got to see Part I! I wish, I wish, I wish, I could be there when Dansy Antsy Pantsy watches this...

I Get A Kick Out Of You, or, You're The Top (Anything Goes)

Ode To Neenia

She spoons me at six in the am.

I introduced her to her very first shawarma at the very best shawarma place in the world (Amir, Montreal).

She says funny things like "Lick me where I pee/bleed." and "Meat Curtain."

She does funny things like pretend to part the lips of a vagina and lick it (and other versions of similiar acts).

She has lived with some of my favourite people.

My Anya.

She's sexy.

I sang Nobody Needs To Know for her.

She's making her way downtown.

She'll trot her hotness.

Allison to my Ivan, we can actually pretty much dance the duet to Why? by Annie Lennox.

She's pretending to sleep behind me.

She has a sexy boyfriend, I think (I've never seen him).

She crushes on eighteen year olds.

Everything in her life relates to Sex And The City, but she's not longer Carrie in Paris getting hit by the Russian.

I love me some Neenia.

Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate)

Okay, what the hell is with people's desperation to be in a relationship? All of the following events occurred today:

After rehearsal I was waiting for my ride with this annoying girl whom I had decided not to ever talk to because I don't want her to think she can be my friend. But I figured why be an asshole? Might as well make small talk. So she alludes to the fact that she's got the blues. Ugh, fine, I'll bite. What's wrong? Then she makes me promise not to tell anybody. I promise, knowing that I probably won't keep it. Anywho, she starts off her sad story by explain that she has a great life: good parents, funny brother, good grades, loves her singing, yada yada yada. So what could possibly be the one thing wrong? I think to myself, please make it something like she's got an eating disorder or is a cutter. No such luck. She doesn't have a boyfriend and that's her big woe. Get over it girlfriend, I tells her! Bitch is 17. Fuck, she's got her whole life to worry about that shit. I told her that most of us young people in the show are single and we're happy as clams, so chill.

Then I go out to dinner with my parents, my brother, and his girlfriend. All of a sudden, now that jerkface has a girlfriend, he's some sort of matchmaker. My mother was saying that my sister is looking for a boyfriend, so he said when he goes to Hong Kong to visit her, he'll find her someone. Then he's asking my parents if they have anyone for his single friend. And then, when the conversation turned to the daughter of a family friend, my brother asked me why I don't go out with her. Um, hello?!

And just as I'm writing this, my mother asked my father who he was just talking to on the phone, and he explains that this guy he knows is trying to find his daughter a boyfriend. UGH!

It's really frustrating to me that everyone around doesn't think we're whole unless we have a mate. What the fuck? Maybe I'm in denial, but I'm happy to be single. That's not to say that I don't want a relationship or that I never think about it (I do, oh I do), but on my list of priorities, it falls at around number seven. It's not something I'm actively pursuing and it's not something I need right now. I'd rather attack my career full force and work towards getting the hell out of Ottawa.

I'm probably so sickened by these needy people because I really came into my own as a human being when I discovered that I don't need anybody, and I value my independence. I love my friends, but I don't need to be by them every second of the day, or even talk to them more than once a month. As for family, well I could frankly do without them (eek, did I really just write that?). Yes, I get excited when I meet someone new that I have chemistry with, but I always take it slow because I know it might not last. Some of my friends meet someone and thing of marriage. I just don't get it.

Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh (The Phantom Of The Opera)

Why is it never the people you're attracted to that are attracted to you? Ugh.

On a happier note, I happen to have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off next week (that's three days off from work and rehearsal! ... ok, well I have rehearsal on Thursday night but whatever). This is a rare event, so I believe I will be making a sexy trip to Toronto to visit my sexy friends and their sexy new apartments and their sexy old houses.

On another note, I'm also looking into getting a transfer through Hard Rock to work at the one in New York. A dude I work with just got his transfer to the Caribbean, so I want to try New York, but the states is much harder to get into than the rest of the plant, so we'll see what happens.

Why God Why? (Miss Saigon)

You know who I think is funny? Jesus freaks. Now let me first say that I believe in God and I pray sometimes and I want to go to Heaven and all that good stuff. But I just don't understand the Jesus freaks.

The girl who's playing Belle was talking to someone next to me and I could not take my eyes off of her lanyard which had "I LOVE JESUS" written all over it. I was laughing in my head because I kept thinking I want one of those because it's a funny thing to have. I found out that she, Mrs. Potts and Lefou are all churchies who talk about God and Jesus all the time. The funny thing is that Lefou is totally gay but can't come out of the closet or else God will get mad at him. Mrs. Potts looks exactly like Kristen Chenoweth (I'll try to take a picture) and she seems like a really cool chick, so it's kind of disappointing that I might be judged by her in a few weeks when she finds out what a wack job I am. And Belle, oh that Belle. She's a great singer, let me tell you. But I don't know about her. On the very first day of rehearsal, she was catching up with someone who asked "What's new with you?" to which she responded "I have a boyfriend. Wanna see a picture?" And then pulled out a stack of photos of this guy she met three months ago who's in the army or something and is currently away and they are going to get married and have babies when she's 26. Weird? Yeah, kinda. Ah, Jesus freaks.

Private Thoughts (Teddy & Alice)

I keep thinking I should start eating healthy but I never will.

I keep thinking I should start working out but I never will.

I'm very excited that I've been so doing so well at paying off my debt.

I'm a little worried that I won't be making any money at work this fall, but I don't want to leave my job because it's fun.

I'm having a great time doing the show, which I didn't think I would. I'm pleasantly surprised.

I think I'm very talented. It's funny that my biggest strength is my acting, and I haven't had the chance to act in a year.

It's starting to get cold, and when I'm downtown I get flashbacks of being in Ottawa with the Charlie Brown crew.

It's starting to get cold, but it's only the beginning of September. I worry about the effects of global warming.

I want to go to New York to see the revival of A Chorus Line.

I want to go to LA with my sister so that I can meet Salma Hayek, but I'm going to have to wait until her next business trip.

I'm jealous of my sister for her job in the TV industry.

I'm sick of all my clothes, even the new ones. I want to never again wear the same thing twice.

I have a lot of love for myself and I give it to me every chance I get.

I'm happy with my hair.

I'm not happy that I'm almost 26 and I still have acne.

I'm not happy with ProActiv.

I'm hoping that when my career takes off and I tell everyone that I'm 20, that no one from my past will reveal the truth and be able to prove it.

I'm hoping that my career will take off before the world ends from the effects of global warming.

I can't wait to move to Vancouver.

I can't wait to go to Toronto to see So You Think You Can Dance, say goodbye to Alathariel, and meet Bedroom Prince and Neenia's sexy new apartment.

I'm going to have Travis sign my Playbill from The Music Man.

I wish I were sexier.

I look fabulous in pictures.

I wish I had more time and were less lazy.

I wish I had something to cry about.

Awesome (The Wedding Singer)

So I've been running out of shampoo and decided not to buy a new bottle until I can find something really good. I had been using Dove, and when that ran out, I resorted to my mother's Herbal Essences (which I hate). I'm growing my hair out again, so I need something that'll take care of my curls. And because my hair tends to dry out easily, I need something expensive. None of this over the counter shit. That's why my friend took me to Aveda, where I spent over $80 on three bottles: Shampoo, Conditioner, and a little something for the day. Don't ask me for names because I don't know them. I didn't ask, and I didn't look at the prices. I just walked in, asked for the best shampoo for dry, curly hair, then asked if it would make me look black. (I really did, and I'm not sure the girl knew how to react, so I just laughed in her face.) I normally NEVER put product in my hair. I just wash, let it air dry and go. But I got this curly hair stuff that you just work into damp hair and then you never feel it again. It's brilliant. So I bought this stuff, and then I went home to use it.

Now I haven't washed my hair in a week, cause I'm cool like that. The chick had told me never to use more than a dime size of shampoo and conditioner, because it's not needed, and the bottle will last you forever. So I did, and my greasy hair squeeked as the stuff disappeared into my head. It was weird, but I let it go, and my hair was still greasy afterwards. So the next day I used a shit load and my hair was automatically restored and it now perfection. Soft, curly, stunning. I'm very happy.

I wonder how long I'll be happy for. I was really happy with KMS when I tried it a few years back, in a similar situation. But then I tried it again after they changed the packaging and I hated it. I loved Dove when I first used it. Now I'm over it. Maybe I just get bored easily. I'm cool like that. I don't feel like proof reading and editing. Will you please tell me if I have made any grammatical and spelling errors?

The Madness Of King Scar (The Lion King)

I find tattoos and body peircings extremely unappealing. I'm not attracted to people who have them, I'm not impressed by people who have them, and I am never going to do that to myself. I just don't get the fad. It all downright turns me off. Am I alone?

On The Street Where You Live (My Fair Lady)

A while back when I was talking about the day I took a dance class with Faye, I forgot to mention something really cool, that dansyantsypantsy should especially appreciate. She was talking about how she recently moved. Where did she move to? 19 Lascelles Blvd. Dun Dun Dun. You see, one upon a time DancingAntsInMyPants and I lived in that same apartment complex and even once watched porn off of a huge big screen tv in someone's apartment in that very building. Faye says she loves it and that the fountains were back up and running when she moved in. Isn't that awesome? Don't you just feel like that would have made our apartment so much prettier?

Hell No! (The Colour Purple)

Some of my friends received phones calls today regarding the show. One girl got Babette, another is a Silly Girl. It's 2:21am and I still have not received a call. I am upset and angry. This doesn't mean I'm not in the show, because they also make rejection calls, so no news is not necessarily bad news. However, I've heard from an inside source that I have been cast as Monsieur D'Arque and I'm not happy. Not at all. Especially since the only reason I got that role was because they needed me for dance chorus. I am livid. The guy who got Lumiere is fabulous and probably the only person I don't mind losing to. But the dude who got Lefou is no Skinny-Rabbit. Not by a long shot. So because he can't dance, I'm the creepy old guy who makes a cameo in Act II. What the fuck do I do now? Do I accept the role and go and be miserable and wow the fuck out of everyone come Act II? Is it even possible to wow people with such a forgettable role? (Maybe, I did it with Bobby in A Chorus Line, but I basically got to play myself there.)

I don't know if I would mind as much if I knew the choreography was going to be amazing. But I've heard bad things about our choreographer. That she's really simple, and does a lot of box steps. So to respond to your comment, princesse, she's a great choreographer for non-dancers. Plus, the apprentice choreographer is someone with no dance training whatsoever. She's just some guy who thinks she can dance. Ugh. She was teaching us the dance for the dance audition and her arms were so bad, I actually raised my hand and said "I'm confused about the arms here. Do you want them straight or bent?" She said straight, and then proceeded to dance with bent arms.

I think my plan of action is to accept the fucking role, show up for the first few rehearsals, and if I get too pissed off, annoyed or decide to have any diva moments, I will walk. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to find a script online so I can see if I actually have any cause to bitch as much as I do.

(PS - How great is it that I found a song called Hell No! to title this blog!)

Keep It Gay (The Producers)

He drinks but twice a year. The last time he was drunk was Feburary 20th, 2005. He attempted to get drunk at a cast party last October, but only succeeded tipsy. August 27th, 2006, his drunken alter ego made a long overdue appearance. Speculation of his closeted heterosexuality was heightened that night as he grinded and made out with more girls than he ever did at Randolph parties.

When Velma Takes The Stand (Chicago)

I had my audition for Beauty And The Beast tonight. I filled out the form and said that I was audition for Lefou or Lumiere and that I would accept another role but not a chorus role. I explained to them that this was not because I don't want to be in the chorus, but because I don't actually have time to do the show, so I want to make sure that if I do this it's for a substantial part. They completely understood and respected that. I sang brilliantly (Where Was I from Minnie's Boys, a term 2 favourite). Someone mentioned to me that we should fuck up the dance on purpose so that they don't throw us in the chorus just because we're good dancers. I did not go along with this because I wanted to show that I'm a triple threat. I read for Lumiere brilliantly. I read for Lefou brilliantly. And then... they asked me to read for Monsier D'Arque. Fine. I don't really mind. However, they asked me if I should be maybe cast as D'Arque would I also do dance chorus then. I said yes. Because at least then I get to dance (which I love), and I get a decent part, which although it isn't big, and he's only in a couple of scenes in Act II, I love that trio he sings in.

Now I'm wishing they had never asked that. I may possibly be the best person to play Lefou. I may possibly be the best person to play Lumiere. But even so, they may possibly give me D'Arque just to ensure that they get me for dance chorus because I'm pretty much the only triple threat guy they have in this city, and definitely one of the best dancers (which isn't saying much for the city). I really don't want that to happen because I really have my heart set on one of the two L roles. Let's all hold hands and pray that I don't get stuck with the role I don't actually want and shouldn't be playing anyway.

Safe (Hello Again)

I'm not sure why but there is someone who affects me in a way that no one else on this earth does.

Fast (Zanna, Don't!)

We found out on Tuesday night that this season's top ten tour of So You Think You Can Dance was going to make a stop in Toronto, and heard that the Buffalo date sold out in an hour and a half. The following night, Nigel announced on the show that the New York performance sold out in eleven minutes. Wild. So we knew we had to have a killer plan. Tickets were going on sale this morning at 10am. We were ready to go at 9:30. At approx. 10:01am, we secured two tickets for row YY at the Hummingbird Centre (row YY?! All the way at the back after barely a minute?). At approx. 10:03am we tried to get more tickets to sell ourselves and it was sold out. Yes that's right. The fucking show sold out in THREE MINUTES!!!!!!!!! How the hell is that possible? She's upset that we didn't get front row. I'm upset that I couldn't get tickets for my friends (if we had tried to get more than two tickets at a time, we might not have gotten any at all). Blows my mind.

Now watch some clips but do it quickly! youtube usually has to remove them due to copyright thingies.

Make Me Happy (Lippa's The Wild Party)

I went to a dance class tonight. I haven't been to class in like two years. But this wasn't just any ordinary dance class. This was a $30 dance class. This was a $30 dance class because it was an intensive master class with the amazing Michael Knight. I'd never heard of him but my friend insisted that he is the male Mia Michaels and that I couldn't not go. Faye's in town, also teaching master classes. I called her. The studio she's at isn't easily accessible to me, but I told her I was taking Michael Knight's class and she said she'd come. She did. So tonight I spent an hour dancing beautiful lyrical choreography in the dark with read and blue spotlights shining on me, next to the beautiful and amazing Faye Rauw. It was a trip. I can't say I was great, or that I retained the choreography very well, but the experience I had was simply specatular. Afterwards I chatted with Faye and gave her a ride back to her hotel, and updated her on us all, and she told me to say hello to every one of you beautiful and amazing bloggers. My body hurts, but my soul is at peace.

Food, Glorious Food (Oliver!)

This is what I live for.

A small plain pizza from Georgie'e Pizza, Ottawa.

The Money Song (Cabaret)

"Shopping is sexy until you have no more money left, and you're hungry."

-Jenna, Hostess at the Hard Rock Cafe, Ottawa.

Use What You've Got (The Life)

One of my friends was on a road trip with two guys from work, and she asked them the same question she asks every guy she meets: "Do you shave your balls?" The answer surprised and disgusted her, and also me. Not only do they both shave their balls... and pubic hair, but they shave their entire body from face to toe. This sparked a lengthy conversation at work between me and the girls over which we prefer: hairy or hairless. Only a couple of us (me and the ones I'm closest with, funnily enough) were all for hairy. Everyone else was on board for the man who shaves his body. I don't understand. Do you want a man or a boy? I'm pretty open about the fact that I don't shave my bush, and I have a hairy bum. I'm never going to shave or even trim. I think that would be weird. Give my penis a haircut? Is there a barber for that? Not only do I not believe in shaving my own body, I'm much more attracted to someone with a full chest of hair and an unruly pubic area. Ok, there are guys out there who are so hairy it looks like they are wearing a sweater, in which case I support a slight trim of the chest hair (but not a complete shave), and definitely back hair is not acceptable. But by the same token I don't really feel like plucking the sporadic hairs that are sprouting on my shoulders. I'm still sexy.

When you shave your penis, stubble grows, just as on the face. Does it not chafe you girls when you have rough stubble rubbing up against your own crotch? I find it painful enough when someone with a 5 o'clock shadow goes down on me, or kisses my chest, I couldn't imagine a stubbly penis penetrating my vagina. Wait, I have a vagina? Who are the men in Hollywood I'm attracted to? Jason Patrick, Hugh Jackman, Antonio Banderas, Jude Law, Chris Blair... Men. With hairy chests.

Debate: Do you prefer hairy or hairless?

Good Morning, Baltimore (Hairspray)

It's almost 4pm on Sunday afternoon. I woke up only an hour ago and stayed in bed watching this season's So You Think You Can Dance on tape. I love Natalie. I love Mia Michaels. I'm going to have breakfast now. Waffles. With lots of butter and loads of syrup. At 4pm on Sunday afternoon.

I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy)

Meh, I felt like a change.

Movies Were Movies (Mack And Mabel)

I go through movie spurts. There will be a month where I'll go to the theatres to see like three movies a week, and then I'll never go to the movies again for another six months. It's not planned, it just usually works out that when I go, I go a lot. I'm currently in my dry spell.

I was just watching a documentary on blockbuster successes versus flops, and how there is no formula for a perfect film, it just happens or it doesn't. I realized watching all those clips that there are so many amazing movies I have not seen yet. The Godfather, Out Of Africa, Driving Miss Daisy, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, The Way We Were, Jaws, Silence Of The Lambs, Shawshank Redemption, to name just a few. And then there are those brilliant movies that I have seen that I need to see again because I don't remember them. Taxi Driver, Harold and Maude, and others I can't think of right now.

I love watching movies. When I was in film school, I had a list of films I needed to see which grew everyday. Luckily, the video store which no longer exists was old school and offered this deal: rent five movies for six dollars for seven days. I bought myself a small tv with a built in vcr and watched a different movie every night. I need to do that again.

We're Ok (Rent)

I might have sounded a little upset about the whole not-a-lovah thing, but I'm really not. I was totally not into not-a-lovah. Well, I was, but then I wasn't. During the week off I fell out of like. It's all good and we will remain friends. I'm actually very optimistic. I was smiling all day today, even when I told some friends about it. I feel so much lighter and happier. Just like I have nothing to think about now so my mind is clear. It's good. Plus I didn't like his friends. Let's talk about this, yes?

So first he met one of my girls, who is the funniest person alive and hot and we are funny and hot together, and he loved her too. Then he met my other girl whom he instantly fell in love with. Those are my two main girls here in Ottawa. Then I met his. She is unattractive and thinks she's hot. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying it because it's true. She keeps saying she's fabulous and that she wants to be Karen from Will and Grace, but she tries way too hard. She's not funny, but she thinks she is. Again, I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it because it's true. Anyway, his girl has an extra ticket to the Shakira concert and my girl (#2) really wanted to go so not-a-lovah had his girl add my girl to msn. So they chatted, his girl loved my girl (as she should) and agreed that they'd go out to dinner and see if they gel in person and then she could have the ticket. Fair enough. Let me add that these are tickets she got for free, and they asked my girl to pay for hers. Whatevs.

So time goes by and then I run into not-my-lovah and not-a-girl-we-like and she went into this rant about how my girl deleted her from msn and she's not working hard enough to get the ticket and that she should be kissing her ass because other people are interested in going. So I tell my girl who thinks this is crazy and didn't delete her from msn and said "Fuck this, I'm not groveling to someone I don't even know." So she went and bought her own ticket in a better section for the same price they were going to make her pay anyway.

My friends are amazing. Not-my-lovah's friends are not. I win.

I still think not-a-lovah is a good egg. We'll still be friends indeed. But a conversation came up once where he said that his friends want him to come to their gathering but he didn't want to go because they just want him to entertain them because they are boring. My respond was that I don't make friends that are less entertaining than me.

I don't spend time with people who are boring. I only like the company of people who are equal to or greater than my entertainment value. My friends are my teammates. Look at my track record. Who did I live with in Toronto? All very entertaining people? Who am I going to live with in Vancouver? A very entertaining person. And all these people are people who complement my entertainingness. Who are you? All entertaining and fabulous people. I love my friends because I chose them. I chose them because I love them.

Isn't it funny when you start to write a blog about one thing and then it becomes something else?

Steve, you're great... no you cut the paper plate.

What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar)

What the eff? I don't understand what's happening with what-the-hell-is-happening-lovah. Things started out great the first two weeks, which ended with me spending the night and having a great time. Then I got my wisdom teeth out and spent the rest of the week alone, at home, understandably. But then once I recovered there was not much communication. I made a phone call on Friday afternoon from work to see what was going on for the weekend but received the answering machine. Not too long afterwards, lovah? walked into my work with a friend to get something to eat, not even seeming to care if I'd be there or not. But I was there, off shift, and sat with them, and all was ok. It was decided that I'd receive a phone call later that evening if he was available. The phone call never came. All weekend.

Tonight we're currently in a chat where this conversation has been occurring:

Me: so am I ever going to see you again? you know, not by accident?
Not me: you just killed my Sister Act soundtrack buzz
Me: that was my intention all along
Me: i was waiting for the right moment
Not me: anyway, probably
Me: just probably? not let's get together this week?
Not me: we could try to grab a coffee or go out on thursday?
Me: thursday night is do-able
Not me: gravy, on my mashed potatoes, gimme, gravy ...

Frustrating. Then this:

Not me: so, i seem to be sensing that you're actively unimpressed with me
Me: actively? not at all
Me: what do you talk?
Not me: my lack of availability
Me: i just have no idea if it's lack of availability or lack of wanting to see me
Me: there hasn't been much communication between us in the last couple of weeks
Not me: well, it's not specifically either a lack of availability or a lack of wanting to see you
Not me: i just have to see you in a friend capacity
Me: does that mean we won't be dating

It's been five minutes and there has been no reply to the question (maybe because I forgot the question mark). "I just have to see you in a friend capacity?" What the eff does that mean? Oh! A reply. Tell me what's a-happening.

Here we go:

Not me: i don't think things should move further in that direction. i really enjoy your company, but we're a bit too different to pull dating off successfully
Me: ok, that's fine. I just wanted to know

This is annoying because I had decided during my first week off that it was odd that I was not thinking about not-my-lovah all the time. Usually when I like someone they're all I think about and when I'm not around them it hurts. It didn't hurt. Still doesn't. I just wish I had called things off first, but my friends all told me he was too good to give up (but I don't like the way he dresses!).

The good news is that other people have expressed interest in me including a sexy silver fox, a recovering coke addict, and someone with a pool, so now I can play the field.

Holding Out For A Hero (Footloose)

I did a good deed today. Yes, my main reason for going to Montreal was to shop for a suit (and a sexy one I bought!), but I also went to play hero to Neenia. I found her in a hotel crying after the Russian beat her. (Editor's note, no Russian actually ever beat Neenia. Please do not send letters.) I bought her her very first shawarma. I can't believe she had never even heard of a shawarma. Luckily for her, we happened upon Amir, the greatest shawarma restaurant in the world. I promised her orgasms and boy did I deliver! So that was my good deed. Introducing a shawarma virgin to a shawarma.

No good deed goes unpunished. The stitch which has been loose in my mouth for a week now is knotted. What do I do? I WANT IT OUT!

The Best Of Times (La Cage Aux Folles)

Yesterday, I threw a wedding shower (I am the maid of honour). It was a grand success. The theme was The Amazing Race. We held it at another friend's house. We had clues hidden all over her huge house and tasks such as making a wedding dress out of toilet paper, finding a picture of a celebrity groom (Matthew Broderick, Michael Douglas, Elvis Costello...) and later, match him with his bride (Sarah Jessica Parker, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Diana Krall...). I knew how large the house is and I knew the rear of the house opened onto a lake and they had a canoe (which we took advantage of), but I had never actually gone outside and explored just what a magnificent property she lives on! The house is a maze in itself, beautiful home, but you go down this pathway, past all these trees that make you feel like you're in the jungle, and end up at a dock and you feel like you're at a cottage. It's amazing that this is all right smack in the middle of the city. I never imagined it would be so fabulous. I'm thinking of moving in. How do you post pictures on this thing?















Oh, that's how.

Summertime (Porgy And Bess)

...and the living is easy. I know I had some serious reservations about living in Ottawa. Yes, it has been extremely hard living under my parent's roof again, and not having easy access to independent and foreign films, stores that specialize in the sale of musical theatre cds, musical theatre karaoke, and good looking people with a sense of style and a sense of humour. But I have to say that this has actually turned out to be one of the best summers in recent history. I actually love going to work every day, because even though the money sucks, the people I work with are a lot of fun. I managed to get another musical under my belt, where I got a solo in which I got to sing jazz, and do my signature kicks, splits, and body rolls, and earned myself a whole new fan base. I'm in rehearsals for a short film in which I dance. And I've been going out more than ever. This city may have a shitty night life, but I've put that to the back of my mind have been enjoying the crappy drag shows and bad dancers. Oh, let's not forget the summer romance that's been blooming, however, after spending some time apart, I'm not too sure I want this to go anywhere. Plus, I've been kicking ass at paying my off my debt. As much as I just want to get to Vancouver already, I might have to postpone (once again) and wait until New Years. I'm confidant that I can be completely debt free if I wait until then. I think that's the smart thing to do. Actually, writing this all out just makes me miss Toronto. What the eff?

Poor, Poor Pharoah (Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat)

I had my wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday morning. All went well. I was sitting in the chair, telling them that I had been sick the night before, as they placed the gas mask over my nose and injected something into my hand. I don't remember falling asleep. All I remember is waking up an hour later lying on a bed in the office. I'm very happy about that. I'm not swollen. I'm not bleeding. I'm not in any pain. The only problem is that I haven't eaten in three days and that's making me feel sooooo sick. I'm nauseous. I'm having intense cravings for pizza, shawarmas and Burger King. When do I get to eat something other than jello? WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Special Man (Big)

I spent my first night with my soon-to-be-lovah last night. We watched Sex And The City, picking up where we left off, with Season 3, Episodes 4, 5 and 6. Carrie meets Aidan and in the next episode wonders why he hasn't tried to sleep with her yet. He's taking it slow. What a lovely parallel to my current situation. We went to bed and made out all night. Soon-to-be-lovah gives the best neck kisses. Actually drives me wild. The hands never go below the waist. Being the big tease that I am, I threaten to go beneath the waistband, but never do. Soon-to-be-lovah says "Are you going to rape me already? Because I've been waiting all night." My reaction: "Oh. I was kind of hoping we wouldn't have to go there yet." So we didn't. Soon-to-be-lovah is extremely respectful and accepts my wanting to take it slow. I'm just not sure how much longer I can hold out.

At least a week, that's how long! I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow!!!!!!! I'm worried because I'm feeling sick right now and didn't get sufficient food today, and recently threw up my last meal. Oye. Tomorrow is not going to be nearly as nice as last night.

Children Will Listen (Into The Woods)

I had just decided that I was going to go up to my room, put on some music and clean, clean, clean. Just as I was about to go upstairs, my mother said "Why don't you clean your room?" I stayed downstairs. I will not clean my room tonight.

My parents don't understand that the reason I haven't gone to get my license yet is because they keep telling me to go get my license.

This is why Klaus keeps telling Princesse Alathariel what to do as she's doing it. Because I need to deflect this personal terror on someone else (even though I know she experiences the same thing from her own family). I've even started doing it at work. I'll ask someone to brew a new pot of coffee as they're brewing it, and I'll ask them to run drinks as they are putting them on a tray.

Welcome To The World (john & jen)

Artsmonkey, Bedroomprince, Dancingantsinmypants, Neenia, Princessealathariel, I'd like you to meet the latest addition to our blogging circle, representing the east coast!

holycrap-gilbertsgirl.blogspot.com

See I'm Smiling (The Last Five Years)

Good night last night. Had one of my best friends here meet my new potentially future lovah at a diner. I was given the stamp of approval, the go ahead, if you will, as my friend fell in love and had nothing but positive things to say. Great. Remember when I said I felt no chemistry when we took that walk on the canal? After seeing my new potentially future lovah in lighting other than moonlight and interacting with a friend of mine, I was absolutely smitten. When we drove potentially future lovah home I asked if I could come up, and was met with a yes. Friend went home, I went up, making it clear that I was not coming over for sex, which was all good. We watched the first two episodes of Sex And The City Season 3 (where I left off on the DVD watching of the show), and debated the hotness of the politician (I adore the politician). Held hands. Accepted my neurotic worrying about my chronically sweaty palms and even took the time to accommodate my fidgeting hands, which needed stretching every now and then. Asked if I was a Charlotte. I pleaded my Miranda case, but after much discussion about how I feel about relationships, realized I definitely have a big part of Charlotte in me. Potentially future lovah happens to be more of a Samantha. But it turns out we have the same attitude towards sex. We both find it hard for other lovahs to get us off during sex. We'd both much rather just kiss and cuddle. Which is what we did until roughly 4:30am. I got in a cab, the sun started to come up. It was a great night and I look forward to future lovah becoming lovah.

This Is Not Over Yet (Parade)

Skinny-Rabbit vs. Mother Nature: Round 2

I woke up this morning to pouring rain and thunder. The time was just past 10:30, and I had a patio shift at 12. I called work to see what the status of the patio was and they told me that at this point there was no need for me to come to work as the patio would not be open. Just after 11, the rain cleared. I consulted The Weather Network to see if this would be a temporary break, and sure enough, the forecast called for thunder showers all afternoon, so I did not bother calling back. It is now just past 2pm and the sky is clear, and the birds are chirping. It's breezy, but still, no sign of rain.

You may have won this round, you bitch, but mark my words... THIS IS NOT OVER YET!

I Think I Can Play This Part (The Goodbye Girl)

The cookies were good. I ate them with milk as I watched Sex And The City. I then danced to the theme song that played over the end credits, and I was wearing the pants and, let me tell you, I was a fabulous latin ballroom dancer, rivaling Artem from last season's So You Think You Can Dance.

When someone moved to Montreal, I decided to be Miranda to their Carrie, to tell them to come home when the Russian might eventually beat them. More recently, when someone went to Europe, I tried to play Miranda again, but was told that in my current situation, I am Carrie. I like being Miranda. She's funny, cynical, doesn't know she's looking for love, has a red headed baby... Sounds a lot like me, no?

But I remembered today what it is about Carrie that I love, and I don't know if it's something I possess, but I admire it anyhow. It's her gusto, and the way she reacts when she's angry. Examples include, when she threw the McDonald's across the room when Big casually gave her news she didn't like, when she threw a tantrum at the coffee shop after he told her he's moving to Paris, and when she went to Charlotte asking why she didn't offer her the money to save her apartment. That is something I could NEVER confront a friend about. It would just eat away at me and I would talk to the others about her behind her back. I want Carrie's gusto (and her apartment. Oh God, how I miss my last apartment!) But I'd still rather be Miranda because she's bonkers. I liked when Steve wanted to cuddle on a Saturday and she was like "Ok, how long are we talking here? Twenty minutes? An hour?" That was cute, and very me. Not always, but sometimes. Me. I like being me. I wish Miranda was more like me.

You know how you watch these TV shows and you wish you were them? Like the gang from Friends and the Sexy City girls? I like to think that strangers read our blogs and wish they were us. Because we are pretty fucking fabulous, are we not? I love our lives. And allow me to be the latest blogger to say that I love my blogger friends.

I must note that I know it's bad form to start a sentence with the words "but" and "and". I know this. But I talk like that anyway. I would never write that way professionally. But here I write like I talk. Are we cool? Stop judging me.

I can't wait to join the rest of you in lovahville. It's lovahville, yes? Not lovahland? But make no mistake, I'm not getting my hopes up yet. I just feel left out because I haven't been able to talk about a lovah yet.

Focus.

Workin' It Out (They're Playing Our Song)

I got these fantastic sweatpants from American Apparel and they make me feel super sexy. Like I have super powers I'm so sexy. I've always been opposed to people wearing sweatpants in public, but I wore these to Future Shop and, girlfriend, I felt gooooood! They're also magical dancing pants, as they make me dance all the time and feel like a superstar dance machine. My legs look great, and even though I don't know what I'm doing, when I look down at the flare I see that I have the hottest legs in the world. And ass. I also have a hot ass, but only in these pants. I would like to thank that chick at American Apparel for convincing me to buy the small, instead of the medium. Brava. Give that girl a raise. I'm going to eat cookies now. My poo was green today and I think it's because all I had to eat yesterday was three bowls of Lucky Charms.

Almost A Love Song (Victor/Victoria)

My intention was to go for a walk in the rain, but by the time I got there (at approximately 1:10am), the rain had long stopped. We went for a walk anyway. Along the canal. As much as I hate Ottawa, I think the canal is magnificent. We took a stroll in the dark and had good conversation. It constantly flowing, never awkward. My date is incredibly funny, fantastically intelligent, completely interesting (and kind of/sort of resembles in a not so obvious way that Charlie Brown director.) I wish I had felt more chemistry. It felt like two friends taking a stroll, which was nice, but I wish I had felt more chemistry. The walk came to an end and we went back home, and I didn't lean in for - or expect a - goodnight kiss. An invitation up to the apartment was thrown out there, but neither us knew if it should have been accepted or not, so I just left it at that and went home.

We reconnected online (still chatting right now) and here is some snippet of that:

Me: "so that was nice. i kind of wish i had worn a hat."
Not me: "you're adorable"
Not me: "i wanted to wrap you up and steal you"
Me: "you lie"
Not me: "not even a little"

Not me: "i cried a bit on the inside when you said you're going right back to vancouver"

Not me: "i should have kissed you, but i didn't want you to feel uncomfortable"

Not me: "did i mention to you my addiction to pancakes?"

Not me: "you should probably mention if i was attractive in person"
Me: "you are attractive in person"

So I'm definitely going to give this another shot. Did I mention one of us is a Libra and the other is an Aquarius, and those happen to be two very compatible signs. And, AND! Neuroses alert! Not me can't deal with fog on windows AND has a thing about things that hop (frogs, bunnies, grasshoppers!) How perfect is that!

What's not perfect is the fact it has JUST started raining again. So basically that bitch Mother Nature really didn't want me to live out my dream of taking a romantic walk in the rain. I KNOW I would have been kissed had rain been involved.

Then You May Take Me To the Fair (Camelot)

I just had a very stimulating conversation with a total cutie whom I met online tonight. I'm not going to make anything of this yet, but it was a GREAT conversation. Here's a sample or two:

Not me: "so, what is it that you have 3 days off from"
Me: "work"
Me: "well, it's 2 days now"
Not me: "i see you pride yourself on the precision of your responses."

Not me: "your pics seem to indicate a general degree of cuteness. at least from msn's prescriptive pic-size."
Me: "yes, there is quite a bit of adorable to me"

Not me: "what is a Victor?"
Me: "Long story (ish). I just wrapped a show called Victor/Victoria, and they gave out funny little awards at the banquet. The prize was the Victor (like the Oscar), which was an Olsen Twins doll dressed in a tux (because the show is about a woman who pretends she's a man pretending to be a woman)"
Not me: "sounds whimsically witty"
Not me: "discuss: "wrapped a show""
Me: "I was in a show. It closed. The run ended. We all stopped going to the theatre to do the show."
Not me: "A-"

Me: "but in all seriousness, yes, I've graduated from theatre school in Toronto about 2 years ago, and I also completed a screenwriting program at film school. And I only have one leg."
Not me: "see, that was incredible. now i have no clue whether you only have one leg or not. i'm upping the A- to an A"

Not me: "my computer and i have strained relations"

Not me: "you'll always have my respect though -- following the arts, is to follow a dream. and takes courage"

Me: "but I will answer that with: Move to Vancouver"
Not me: "oooh, fun. i have a friend there. and i was considering UBC for some post-grad work. a marvellous lil' place. indeed. indeeeeed."
Me: "definitely. go. if only because I will be there."
Not me: "can we make sweet love amongst the discarded needles on hastings?"
Me: "that's the idea"
Not me: "yay for increasingly risky behaviour!"

Me: "do you dance?"
Not me: "almost all the time"
Me: "are you good at it?"
Not me: "yes"
Me: "your own opinion, or so you're told"
Not me: "told. and opinion -- i'm not a palm tree swaying in the breeze on the dancefloor. you know the type"

Me: "Before you go I should thank you for a stimulating conversation. One in which both parties typed in complete sentences with no abbreviations. And one in which the topic only turned to sex when dirty needles were involved."
Not me: "LOL you are very welcome. i thoroughly enjoyed chatting with you. i hope to find you as interesting in person"
Me: "I'm not."

Cute? Pics are cute too. I know I was disappointed with the last interesting online conversation I had, but this one was even more stimulating and there was a sense of humour there that is a rare find when chatting with a new person. Just in case, though, I ain't not gonna get any hopes up.

Pleased With Myself (Starting Here, Starting Now)

I think we're all in agreement that I can be quite neurotic. I never share my food; I alphabetize my cds, books, and dvds; I can be a neat freak (when I'm not lazy); I almost always wear two t-shirts and pants, even when it's hot outside, because I refuse to give in to summer; when I walk I have to step on the cracks with my heals; I'm OCD about the way I do most things; and much much more!

But I like me. I like me for it.

Last night I was talking to a friend who was mentioning someone she might like to set me up with, but decided it was a bad idea since we are too similar - both way too neurotic. She figured if the other person wasn't perfect I wouldn't be able to accept them. I told her the opposite was true. I love imperfection. People who are "perfect" are hiding something.

A few months ago, back when I was with some of my favourite people in Toronto, we were playing a round of Psychologist. Someone asked the person next to me to name their biggest flaw. Answering for me, that person said that they had no flaws because they are perfect. When I exclaimed "psychologist" there was a big reaction. Everyone assumes that because of what I put out there (I fucking love myself) that I can't see my own flaws. Let me make this clear. I AM PERFECT.

To me, perfection is having flaws. To say that I am perfect, therefore have no flaws is untrue. I am perfect because I do have flaws. Perfect? Perfect.

I love that I can't skate, and that I freak out if other people do my dishes, and that I when I put something away, it has to be put away "just so." And I dig that about you too. I think it's fantastic that you don't like having your wrists touched, and that you'd rather stay in and read than go out, and that you're desiring to be desired, and that you're serving coffee instead of being famous, and that you got a bad haircut.

So while I talk about my vanity and loving myself, and about how I don't like ugly people or boring people, just remember that I am aware of my issues, and that I love ugly people's issues too... just as long as they're not ugly and boring.

Feed Me [Git It] (Little Shop Of Horrors)

I'm hungry. I just ordered a pizza from Georgies. Mmm. I love Georgies. I order from there every time I come to Ottawa. They know me. We used to order every Saturday or Sunday night. They used to give us a %15 discount. In 2001 I moved to Vancouver for 5 months. When I moved back, I called to order a pizza and the conversation went something like this:

Them: "Georgie's."
Me: "Hi, I'd like to order a small plain pizza."
Them: "Where have you been?"

They'll miss me again soon.

So will Orpheus. Go to my contact card thingy off MSN Messenger to see some of the sexiest pics I've ever taken - EVER! I look sooooo sexy. I'm sexy.

(Does this feed your hunger for a new post, DansyAntsyPantsyNancyAnneCianci? Can I call you DansyAntsyPantsyNancyAnneCianci?)

I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)

On closing night a couple of chicks told me that they think I'm hot and when they first saw me they were praying I would be straight. As vain as I am and as much as I love mirrors and cameras, I still find it hard to believe that other people think I'm as sexy as I do. Realistically I know I have a weird body with terrible posture, lanky arms, and I'm skinny with a paunch. My nose is funny, my teeth are yellow, and I almost have a double chin. Yet when I look in the mirror all I see is beautiful, and I can't stop looking at myself in pictures and on video. So why should I find it so hard to believe that other people find me attractive and bypass my flaws? To be fair I do have lovely eyes, and very kissable lips, with a winning smile.

On a more believable note, I briefly attended a work party where I was approached by lots of people telling me that they love me. And most of those people weren't drunk. It's great validation to know that the clicky people at your new job think highly of you. And why shouldn't they? I'm amazing. But... do any of them think I'm hot?

I Remember That (Saturday Night)

I'm feeling nostalgic. Do you remember...

...when we went to see Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind and sat in silence in the theatre for like 20 minutes when it was over?

...when we played Dona Sol and Hernani dressed as Piglet and Frank N Furter, respectively?

...when we found that mystery poo on bathroom floor and laughed so hard you almost fell into the bathtub?

...how I used to hold your face when I'd kiss you and you didn't like that?

...when I came into your room in the middle of night to meet our baby who was sleeping under the covers with you?

I remember that.

Diva's Lament (Spamalot)

Ok, I should start off by admitting that I am a diva. Yes I am. However, I am a diva in the good sense. In the sense that I am fabulous and amazing and everybody wants to be like me.

I'm really unhappy doing my show right now. Usually when we get to the theatre, all my misgivings go away, but this time, I just find myself hating the experience and these people more and more. One in particular. The lead. She's playing Victor/Victoria, the role created by Julie Andrews, and she's trying to channel her performance ability.

I don't feel like writing out the situation but basically right after a scene she made a comment to me and another guy. She then gave me the note once again after the show, and when I tried to argue my point she refused to listen. Then at the afterparty, which she did not attend, the stage manager gave me the note AGAIN on her behalf. Then she gave the other guy the note the next day before the show. I hate her. Especially since it's not even a note for us, it's a not for the crew, because what they did influences what we did. She's also made ridiculous demands and yelled at helpless people about things like the tape they use for her wireless mic, and the light in her quick change space that "doesn't work" (which does). I hate divas.

A quote of hers: "I gave up professional theatre in England to become a mother. What a mistake that was."

Nice lady.

I'm so blah about this cast now, but there's one guy who can always brighten up my day. He hates the show and the cast too, and he also happens to be really funny, so I never leave his side. One day I was in a particularly bad mood and he walked in I told him to say something funny and without missing a beat and with total seriousness he looked me in the eye and said "I open mouthed kissed a horse once." I died laughing, they had to revive me. When everyone, including him, were talking about how not funny that was, I was still laughing my ass off.

Don't Like You (The Beautiful Game)

Is it bad etiquette to write someone an opening night card which tells them that I don't like them and why?

I Whistle A Happy Tune (The King And I)

One of my most favourite things about being in a show is doing mic checks. To make things interesting, and in order to avoid boring everyone by singing the same songs from the show over and over, our stage manager has set a different theme for every night - each theme related to Victor/Victoria. Prizes are awarded per category and points are given for creativity. The songs don't have to be from a musical, but I choose to only sing showtunes, so these are the songs I have lined up for each theme. Tell me if you think I can do better.

Have Another Drink - The Ladies Who Lunch (Company)

King Me/Queen Me - Either I'll Cover You (Rent) "You'll be my King and I'll be your castle/No, you'll be my Queen and I'll be your moat." or something from Chess

Oui, Oui/Yes, Yes - Either I Speak Six Languages (Spelling Bee) or Now You're Speaking French (Lucky Stiff)

Cast Names - Jimmy (Thoroughly Modern Millie) because there are three Jims in the cast

Piano Man - Schroeder (You're A Good Man Charlie Brown)

I've Got A Secret - Nobody Needs To Know (Last Five Years)

Jazz - Jazz Man (The Simpsons)

Moving It Here, Moving It There - The Books (Brownstone)

Surprise Theme - we find out that night what the theme is

Sex! - A Call From The Vactican (Nine)