Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Oldest Profession (The Life)

So we all know I'm horny and feeling adventurous.  I was recently browsing through Craigslist's adult gigs section and clicked on a post looking for nude waiters.  I then went to a man's house where I took all my clothes off, poured him some champagne, conversed on a wide variety of topics, and let him touch my balls.  And hour and half later I was one hundred dollars richer.  These are tough times, people, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Give My Regards To Broadway (George M!)

I feel like giving up show business.  Now before you freak out, hear me out.  Ok, I may not have many valid points, and I'm the king of flip flopping, but here's where my mind has been the last day or two.  I don't have the energy or motivation to keep going.  I'm tired of moving every year and working in a restaurant industry to support my theatre habit.  Even the restaurant isn't a reliable source of income anymore, what with the economy the way it is.  I just want a stable job right now.  I want to know that I'm making money and I want to spend it on clothes and travel.  I want to be able to strip or do internet porn and not have to worry that it'll come back to haunt me when I'm famous.  I don't think I'll ever give up performing completely.  I'd love to work with children, like ArtsMonkey did.  I'd love to teach them.  I'd actually LOVE to be a teacher at this point in my life, but I refuse to spend a million dollars going back to school to get a proper education.  I want to teach Mad Hot Ballroom.  I want to be a nanny, maybe, like PA and Neenia.  My sister has a friend in New York, married disgustingly rich, has a child.  Said they're looking a trust worthy nanny.  I'm thinking of joining their family as a caregiver.  I really really really don't want to give up on my goal of living in New York.  I can still pursue my comedy on the side.  And boys.  There are loads of boys in NYC that I'd love to have sex with.  Oh, on a side note, I'm also seriously ready to give up my virginity to someone.  Boy or girl.  Anyone.  I'm just in the mood to really fuck, you know what I'm saying?  Talk to me in a couple of days and I'll be singing a different tune, I bet.  But for now I want to be a slutty bi-sexual New York City nanny.  Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ain't Got No (Hair)

Fucking recession!  I hate you!  I hate you because I'm moving back to Toronto with not a penny in my bank account.  I'm behind on all my bill payments and I owe more money than I did when I came.  What the fuck?  I hate you because nobody goes to restaurants anymore and I keep getting called off work because there is no business.  How the gay am I supposed to make any cash so I can get a mother fucking apartment and furnish it, you asshole?  Quit recessing and put your dollars back in my pocket.  It doesn't really help that I blew my weekend's worth of tips on three sale items at Club Monaco, does it?  At least I'll look good while I'm poor.  I'm redefining the pauper!  Pay attention!