Thursday, August 30, 2007

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (Mary Poppins)

Princesse Alathariel is back! Life is about to get a whole lot funnier.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'd Be Attracted (Wind In The Willows)

There's a couple that I have feelings for. I have no idea who they are, what they do, what their voices sound like, where they live or work. I've only see them. Twice last week. On the street. Looking fabulous. No, but seriously. They are amazing. He wears a red dress shirt with a white tie and black pants, but not a regular red dress shirt, white tie and black pants. His outfit is crisp, as if he had just gone to Holt's, spent $15 000 on three items and wore them out of the store. He's young and attractive and when I first saw him I wanted to be him. Then I saw her and I wanted to be them. She is shorter than him and wears dresses. Not like H&M or Jacob or GAP dresses. Fucking dresses. As if she were going out on the town in 1960s Paris. She'll wear a black dress with a white pajmina and a red belt, or something to compliment his outfit. Her hair is a bowl cut bob. It would look ridiculous on anyone else, but girlfriend works it. The thing that kills me is that both times I've seen them, they were walking down Queen street or up Yonge street, looking like they had just stepped out of Italian Vogue, and both time I saw them around six pm. That means they must have been coming from work. What do they do? Be fabulous all day and get paid for it? I'll pay them to come sit in my apartment and let me look at them. I want to know who they are!!! I'm going to have to hang around the corner of Queen and Yonge tomorrow between the hours of 5 and 6:30 and see if I can't spot them again. I may bring my camera. I may approach them to tell them how much I love what they're doing to my life. I almost did. Both times. I actually had intentions of stopping them on the street to say "I like this," or "I just need you to know how that you're the couple I want to be." Or something like that. But I chickened out. Both times. I just can't believe that two people can look this amazing everyday and act like it's normal. I have to find them.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Look Who's Alone Now (Nick & Nora)

I went to sleep last night knowing today was my day off. Oh, don't be fooled by the date of this blog. It may say it was written on Saturday, but we're less than two hours into Saturday so I'm still calling Friday today. So I figured I would get up early and clean the apartment and then get my haircut at 12:30. So I get up late and rush to get my haircut. Finally. After two weeks of my hairdresser cancelling on me last minute (doesn't that mean I can technically charge her?) I was finally calming down the frock on my head. My hair chick is weird but she gives wicked haircuts. Not today, though. So I was happy to be in the Yonge and St Clair area (where the salon is). So after my haircut (which included discussion of how I'm for some reason going to start teaching her spanish), I went for a walk up to Davisville to check out the ol' hood. I walked up Lowther to the apartment complex I lived in with Miss Pants. The fountain is renovated and operating in the back! I was gorgeous. I walked around to the front to discover that the front fountain was still useless. So I walk up to Eglington and go to the pet store. No cats I'm interested in. I go into the HMV were I bought many a movie in the past. I'm determined to not spend money. I see Police Squad is on DVD. This is fate. I was just two days ago thinking I would love to watch Police Squad again. Too bad it's not on DVD. But it was. So I picked it up. It's two for $30. So I shop around for another DVD to match it with. I end up with The Colour Purple, A Star Is Born, Requiem For A Dream, Running With Scissors, A Streetcar Named Desire, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, and The Way We Were. I spent over a hundred dollars. I don't have a job in a week and I spent over a hundred dollars. It was worth it. Just like ArtsMonkey's chocolate. Then I go to Indigo to purchase Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. I'd been reading Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis for the last six years, so I figure I should try a new book. I walk back down towards Davisville and end up at Tabule, the Lebanese restaurant I tried to make me and Princesse A's place. I sit down, have some humus and chicken with rice and veggies with a water and a coke and a good book. I read the first sixty pages, talk to the waitress about the hilarity of Sedaris, love my life. I head home and decide to pick up some cleaning supplies to freshen up the apartment. I get walk through the door to find that Neenia has already been on a cleaning rampage and wet my pants and stick my tip in her vagina. I introduce her to the Swiffer carpet flick and she lies on top of me. I write disgusting things in the present tense. I put out an air freshener that smells like strawberries and put some toilet cleaning thing in the toilet and some baking soda in the fridge. I do three loads of dishes after she did one earlier. I clean the fridge inside out including behind it. She throws out a bunch of disgusting shit that's been sitting in there forever. We cum together. Bedroom Prince also cums, probably. They leave to be fabulous, I stay in to be fabulous. While they're away I rearrange the furniture in the living room. It's what I do. I love to rearrange furniture. When I lived in my bachelor I did it like every two months. When I lived with Miss Pants I did it to my bedroom once or twice. When I lived with Princesse A, I did it to the living room whenever the mood would strike me. When I moved I changed my bedroom for the first time in nine years. It's a passion of mine. It refreshes my mind to refresh my living space. I hope they like it.

I'm watching Robbie Williams Live At The St. Albert and loving my life. I'm going to take a shower.

Friday, August 03, 2007

A Memory Of A Happy Moment (Aspects Of Love)

Back when we lived together, Princesse Alathariel cut me a cheque for forty dollars for cable and internet, or something. I never cashed it. Because on cheque she wrote on the Memo line: "Feelin' Hot Hot Hot!"

That's too fucking fabulous to cash.