Monday, September 07, 2009

Die Vampire, Die ([title of show])

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to my new blog. I turn 29 in one month and I'm going to use the last year of my twenties to full on pursue my career in the arts before I decide to give it up forever. Check it out.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Dites-Moi (South Pacific)

Some things I've been up to:

I moved in to a real place. With roommates. I don't know what I was thinking. It's cheap. I'm cheap right now. I'm going to go crazy.

I saw a boy looking at me at work, so I decided to not be a pussy and give him my phone number. The next day, I was walking into the subway and noticed a guy checking me out. On a roll, I decided not to be a pussy and checked him out back. We talked. He was in town from San Francisco on a conference. He came back to my place.

I auditioned for a straight play for which I have a callback tonight. I don't know if I'll get it or not, and I don't really care, but it's nice to have auditioned for something. It's only been almost 2 years.

I've decided maybe not to give up on theatre. I think I'm going to spend this next year focusing on my career. If by this time next year, I'm doing nothing, I'll seriously consider the rest of my life.

In one year and two months (to the day) I turn 30. 30 is the new 20.

I realized yesterday that I have performed as an actor, a singer, a dancer, and a stand up comedian, and I have directed, choreographed, and produced. So why should I feel so unaccomplished?

I am grateful to be working for a children's theatre company that continuously rehires me.

I am on the hunt for a sugar daddy.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Bad, Glad, Good and Had (Got Tu Go Disco)

Bad on me for bringing everyone down with my stupid rant on how I hate that you're happy.  It's great that you're all moving forward.  I should do that do.

I'm glad that I just signed a lease on a new apartment.  Now I can finally stop living in other people's homes and stop worrying about other people's lives.

It's good to have one of my besties living in Toronto again.  It just would be even better to have you here too.

I wish I had the ability to beautifully dance a Mia Michaels piece about a man who's mesmerized by a woman's ass.  I love that this is the concept for this choreography.  Neenia, when you get home we're filming us doing this.  Even the mistakes are forgivable because they recovered completely.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables (Les Miserables)

I'm sorry.  I know it's wrong of me.  I'm upset at all of you for having fabulous lives, and making wonderful decisions about where you're going, and loving where you are in life.  I'm not there.  It's petty and selfish and uncalled for and wrong and stupid and annoying and qu'est-ce-que fuck of me, but it's what I've been feeling ever since I read all of your newest blog posts.

Why does Alathariel have to go move to England and be with her lovah whom she loves and has hot sex with?  Why did she have to leave me for Vancouver where she auditioned for lots of shows and was smart with money and lost weight and got healthy?  Couldn't she have stayed in Toronto and waited for me to come back from Ottawa?  Couldn't she stay poor and miserable?  Couldn't she wait for me to come back so that she continue be my muse in comedy and musical theatre endeavours?  Doesn't she want to run a theatre company with me where we break the boundaries of type casting?    Doesn't she want to be my comedy partner?  Doesn't she want me to make theatre of all kinds just so that I can have the intense pleasure of watching her perform as often as possible?

Why does Neenia have to tease me by returning to me only to leave again and move to a city that I no longer live near?  Doesn't she want to share a tiny bed with me and perform [title of show] all the time and bounce around the apartment for an hour or two?  Doesn't she want to watch So You Think You Can Dance with me and have mini orgasms over and over as some sexy man dances some sexy way?  Why can't she just stay here and make me laugh and run lines from Grease 2 with me and sing Rent with me and dream about living in New York with me?

Why does Arts Monkey have to come to terms with her age for?  I'm turning her age soon and I'm not comfortable with it.  Why is she?  Why does she have to be living with her folks?  That's my schtick.  Does she have to be pursuing theatre right now?  Does she have to go to Mexico?  Why can't she just come live on the Danforth and teach pilates like I'm doing?  I don't teach pilates, but still.

What's Bedroom Prince gotta go relocate to a new city where he doesn't know anyone for?  Why's he gotta get his PhD?  Why can't I do something life altering like that?

Why do I have to be sitting in sublet after sublet, watching my bank account dip further and further into the red, as my credit card bills sit unpaid for months.  How come I have two jobs and no money?  Why does no one care to dine out downtown anymore?  Why does my mother have to keep giving me money every time I ask for it?  Why do I have to keep asking for it?  It's embarrassing.  Why don't I pursue a career in theatre?  Shouldn't I submit myself for all the shows I hear about that are auditioning?  Can't I just bother to get off my ass and clean and organize my apartment for that I can find my headshot so that I can get some work?  Shouldn't I be going out and meeting boys?  Must I sit at home all the time and only date the ones who ask me out that I'm not interested in until it fizzles out and I end up not dating them anymore by losing contact rather that actually breaking up.

I'm sorry to have invited you to my pity party.  I swear I'm not actually in that bad a place.  I just didn't like your blogs because I miss you like fucking crazy and I worry that I'll never get to live alongside you again.  Me no likey.  You'll have to forgive me if I'm not nice to you for a few days.  All this news at once was too hard to swallow.  I'm whiney.  I'm Skinny Winehouse.  I'm not even witty.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Grease Lightning (Grease)

I moved to the Danforth this weekend.  Don't worry it's just a two month sublet.  I'm not happy about my current whereabouts but I'll take what I can get.  In order to save money on TTC, I've purchased a bicycle.  At first I was afraid - I was petrified - because I haven't really ridden a bike since I was sixteen.  I have to say, though, I'm loving it.  I feel so nice and free when I'm riding through the city on two wheels.  I can be a vehicle or a pedestrian, depending on what best suits my needs at any given moment.  But I biked to and from work today for the first time and I have to say I'm not loving the developing thunder thighs and chaffing of my mangina.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I Love To Cry At Weddings (Sweet Charity)

Last night I attended my second wedding of the year.  I love weddings.  I really do.  And I love that all the weddings I have to attend this year are different than the weddings we're all used to.  The first one was in March, and it was two crazy friends who decided to get married and not tell their families.  They only invited their friends to their City Hall ceremony and Midevel Times reception.  The third wedding will happen in July and will involve that same couple in a hand fasting ceremony at her parent's home in Niagara Falls, which I will be President for (thanks to Gilbert's Girl and Princess Alathariel, I have some experience in this field).  The fourth one I am most excited about  It takes place in Ottawa in August and involves two friends from my Ottawa musical theatre community.  The menus on the tables will look like Playbills and instead of table numbers, the tables will be named after musicals that each of them have worked on (mostly together).  Instead of clinking forks on glasses to make the couple kiss, people will have to stand up and sing a showtune.

Last night's event was my very first Jewish wedding!  When we were entering into the church (church, is it?), we were stopped and told that men had to enter from the other side.  So my friend had to sit alone on one side while I sat with her boyfriend on the other.  Awkward.  We were the only two people not wearing a yamaka.  Apparently they were handing them out but we missed that part because we were running late.  Damn.  I really wanted one.  They all walked down the aisle and stood under the chuppah.  I did not understand a thing that was going on.  The groom was handed this oversized white shawl and wrapped it around himself a few times.  The rabbi sang some stuff in a different language.  Everything was so serious and boring and I was about to fall asleep when all of a sudden the groom stepped on the glass and everyone yelled "Moseltov!"  The band immediately broke into some uptempo traditional Jewish tune and all the men in the room started jumping up and down as the bride and groom followed them up the aisle.  It was wild.  In one second it went from a snooze fest to a wild fiesta.

On the dance floor was a divider.  Men would dance on one side, women on the other.  Odd.  That made me a little uncomfortable.  The bride was the one I was friends with and I wanted to dance with her, but I wasn't allowed to.  I didn't know any males there other than my friend's boyfriend.  Awkward.  They did the chair thing where they bounce the groom up and down.  Then they kidnapped the bride and did the same to her and brought her over to the groom's side.  I thought this meant the wall could now be torn down, but it didn't.  Ugh.  As much fun as everyone else had, my friend and I were bored so we left early.

Weddings always get me thinking about wanting to get married myself.  I don't really care for marriage, and I especially am not one to fight for gay marriage, but weddings themselves are so much fun.  If I were to get married, I know who my best man would be.  We've been friends ever since we were born and my mother is his Godmother.  I couldn't not make him my best man.  Then, instead of groomsmen, I would have six to eight groomswomen, or bridesmaids, if you will.  Last night, at the wedding, I selected them in my head.  One lady from each stage of my life, who has taken me to the next level.  I can't wait to have my wedding.  But I never will.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

When It Dries (Two By Two)

Something funny is going on where Languages Boy is concerned.  I've only seen him once in the last two weeks, and it's not because I've been avoiding him.  I was home for Easter for a few days, a couple of weeks back, and then when I got back our timing was always off.  I met with him for lunch on Sunday, and I haven't seen him since.  He spends a lot of time at home now.  He used to always come downtown to see me and sleep over.  He also used to text me every morning and every night, but now I always have to be the one to initiate the text.  How have the tables turned?  Why is he making himself unavailable?  Why is it making me want to see him now?  Do these games really work?  Worst yet - do they work on me?  I never thought they would.  I don't actually think he's playing games.  I don't know what to think.  All I know is I still want to either break things off or just date casually while seeing other people, but I need to see him in person to tell him that and that doesn't seem to be happening!  I have his cardigan.  That's the real issue here.  I need to give it back to him before I can feel comfortable parting ways.