Monday, March 31, 2008

If I Loved You (Carousel)

There's a boy I wish I were in love with. He'd be my ideal boyfriend, the one I'd stay in Toronto for, if only I felt anything for him. Alas, I do not. He's got the best personality of anyone I think I've ever met. I wish I wanted to be with him. I've tried. I spent days and nights trying to think about him. The time I've spent with him, I tried watching his lips and tried to imagine kissing them. I came close to convincing myself that I want him, but then the feeling disappeared. It sucks. He's great. His friends are totally awesome. I thought maybe we could all hang out and people would love us together, and when we aren't around, people would talk about how much they love us. I don't think he likes me in that way either. I wonder if he wishes he likes me as much as I wish I like him.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Love's Revenge (Two Gentlemen Of Verona)

At the end of the last calendar year, I was dating this fella. He really liked me. But like really liked me. I, on the other hand, was just not that into him. The weekend before I went to Mexico for Christmas, he slept over, and that was supposed to be the last time I saw him before I left. Then he tells me he has a present for me, and he needs to see me one more time before I go, so he can give it to me. This annoyed me. I told him not to get me anything as I would not be getting him anything. I was very busy doing shows and working and honestly did not have the time to make for him. He wouldn't leave me alone about it, so I agreed to meet up with him for five minutes between shows and work. He comes all the way from the east end of the city. One bus, two subways, just to meet me for five minutes to give me a kiss. That was the present. Now I was angry. He knew I wouldn't like that so he gave me Lindts chocolates. Most people tell me that it was a romantic gesture and I should have appreciated it. I just found it annoying. So I went to Mexico, and I came back for a few days before hopping on another plane to Moncton. I managed to call him once during those few days. He asked when he could see me again, and I said when I get back from Moncton. I got back from Moncton and never called him again. That was three months ago, almost. I never really cared if I ever saw him again, but I did feel really guilty about never actually breaking up with him. This makes me an asshole. In my defense, I was very busy and I actually never had the time to call him and by the time I realized how long it had been, it had been that long and was too late. I was in the dog house. I've thought about calling him or sending a facebook message (smart move on my part to never actually add him as a friend), but I never had the guts and didn't know exactly what to say.

I ran into him on the street today. It was unavoidable. We pretended to care how the other was doing. I wanted to explain myself but I didn't know how. Somehow "Hey! Sorry, I never called you. It's just that I was like busy..." didn't feel like the right thing to say. I was worried that he'd interrupt me and yell "YOU BROKE MY HEART!" I wished him luck and he turned around and I could see his face start to change into one of "holy shit, that was awkward." And it was. I feel weird. I should maybe message him now, but I don't want to.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I've Got To Be Around (Mr. President)

Hey there mutha fuckas! Wait, what the hell am I doing here? I thought I had vowed to, like, never blog again. Seriously, this shit's been boring. No one's really offered anything interesting to read lately. Same ol', same ol'. But I'm sitting here on this train and I've paid a fee to use the wireless internet and I can only do so much facebooking and [titleofshow]ing. And I've got a lot to say so let's get this blog moving.

It's been a while, hey? So what's new with me? Oh, wouldn't you like to know! Life's really good and I'm super happy with me right now. I've gotten a lot of things off my chest, and now I'm kind of in a place of not caring. I'm leaving Toronto in two months and it's a shift I'm seriously looking forward to. Even though I kind of have mixed feelings about it. I've had a paying acting gig since last December which is coming to a close in a month. That's kind of sad, but also really good cause it means I won't have to wake up before the sun comes up anymore! And I won't have to speak french anymore! Phew! I've been doing and planning some cabarets and that's totally hot. Everything's been going really well. I've kind of mentally shelved my documentary idea. I'm not motivated enough to get it off the ground.

I kind of don't want to leave Toronto because I've been having a lot of fun, I love my job, I love my friends, I LOVE my friends, and I feel like things are finally starting to happen for me. I want my own one bedroom apartment at Yonge and Davisville again! I have to keep reminding myself to stay patient. I can have all that when I get back. I need new headshots. I want to do the Second City conservatory. I want to be hot shit.

I really do not want to live with my parents again. I really really don't. But the money I can save.... oh the money! I spent the night in Ottawa last night. I went to see a production of Millie that my friends were in. It was so good to see them all. I miss all my Ottawa friends as much as I love my Toronto friends. It's kind of an amazing feeling knowing that I have such great people in my life in two different cities (and I'm not even counting Vancouver, New York and Tampico). It's as if I can live anywhere and be comfortable. And I can. As much as I don't like living in Ottawa, I love it. What? I'm a contradiction, people, stay with me.

I'm super looking forward to choreographing Fame next fall. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm so not a choroegrapher, but everyone is so behind me and so excited that I'm doing it. I like that. Thanks, people. I had my standup debut on Sunday night (thanks ArtsMonkey!), and I'm pretty sure it rocked. I'm definitely going to start hitting up a couple of amateur nights in Toronto and Ottawa. I'm going to make comedy my main focus when I go to Ottawa, before Fame starts. I like making these plans for myself, even if I may not follow through with them. I like to have something to look forward to.

I have a turkey and cheese sandwhich sitting next to me that I bought two hours ago. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat it. It's on brown. I was asked if I wanted mayo or mustard and I said no. I did want mayo. I sometimes say things to uncomplicate situations, even if the situation wouldn't have been complicated.

I'm also lucky to have such great partners in crime. I love singing [titleofshow] with Neenia and PA. I'm happy that people love "Nick and Claire Doin' Stuff" as much as they love "Nicky and Rhoda," "Albert and Wanda," and "Automn and Rima." I'm surrounded by greatness and it makes me a better person and artist.

I'm totally digging my life right now, dispite the shit. I'm not even thinking about the shit cause the shit is shit.

I've been reading the [titleofshow] blogs (which I've added to my links!) and watching all their videos. Seriously, if you haven't watched all their videos, you should, cause there is some amazingness there that you never knew you never knew. I wish they were my friends also. They've kind of inspired me to blog. Did you know that they started their blog back in June of 2005?! Before they hit off-broadway and before they even wrote Nine People's Favourite Thing! I haven't figured out the timeline, but they probably started it after the festival.

So am I back? Is that the question? I guess I'm going to need support from you freaks when I'm in O Town again. Blogging in Ottawa gave me a great comfort once. I hope it will again.