Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Elephant Song (70, Girls, 70)

I feel like a new blog, but don't feel like writing anything in particular so I'll repost this msn conversation I just had with that dude I dated for like two weeks last year. We haven't spoken in months and months but he's kept in touch with one of my fruit flies. He messaged me out of the blue today. This conversation reminds me of why I liked him.

Dear Skinny-Rabbit,
Please be advised that I have been doing my best to tend to Susan's (heretoforth, "Your Fag Hag") emotional needs in your absence. While I pledge committment and effort, I cannot guarantee that I will meet Your Fag Hag's need to spontaneously break into song with a homosexual male. I wish you continued success in your new(er) endeavours.
Warmest regards,
Not-a-lovah, thank you for letting me know that you are there for what's her face. We finally spoke on the phone today after much phone tag playing. I am happy there is another gay in town to keep her somewhat satisfied.
how are you doing, by the by?
things could certainly be worse. so i'll refrain from complaining. for now. it's just so tough, because complaining is how i do. it's how i roll.
I'm quitting my job because it's turned me into a complainer. That's not what I want to be when I grow up.
what job [was] that?
back at the hard rock in Toronto.
It was always annoying when I worked here the first time, but things have gotten more complainy during the year and a half I was away.
well, i'm not trying to gossip, but i've heard that the bussers have attitude and the salsa is made with PLUM tomatoes. PLUM. the audacity.
You may have your hard rocks mixed up. We don't hire bussers at the TDot Hard Rock.
But I will confirm the salsa tid-bit.
or you could ruin a poor attempt at humour. whichever you prefer.
I like to keep things as uncomfortable as possible.
HA. yeah. no one wants a cozy ass-groove when they can have a bed of nails.
that's what I keep telling my co-workers, but they just keep on complaining.
which brings the conversation full circle. and quickly. how impressive
it was getting old
my eyes have been wandering
*looks around; hums a britney spears megamix as a gesture of agreement*
I went to a club last night where they mixed Amy Winehouse singing Rehab to the beat of Toxic. It was nice.
and a social commentary.
the only thing better than a remix is a remix with right-wing ideology embedded therein
that's all I ask for from a dj. Give me something to dance to that will really make me think.
that's why i like the pussycat dolls' "buttons". pro- or anti-seamstress? a conundrum for the ages.
those felines sure do tackle the hard issues that everyone else is afraid to talk about.
to think, it started with meow mix. try and argue against revolution now.
alright, i'm out. i'm going to heaven (club). because i'm worth it.
I've always said that about you.
you said something nice. are you ill?
no, no, I meant that I've always said that you're out.
what a relief. i don't have the number for EMS in toronto
have a lovely evening, skinny-rabbit
I wish you the same Mr. Not-a-lovah

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Damn It, Janet (The Rocky Horror Show)

Why am I always plagued with life decisions? So far I think I've made all the right moves:

2000: The decision to drop out of university and tell my parents that I'm going to film school or never going to school again.
2001: The move to Vancouver for film school.
2002: The move to Toronto for theatre school.
2005: The decision to move to Ottawa to pay off my debt.
2006: Move back home.
2007: Debt paid off, move back to Toronto.

I've only been back here a couple of weeks and already I don't know what to do. I had my six month plan. Toronto for July-September. New York for October-December. But now I'm getting the feeling I should stay until Feburary and move to New York in March. But there are so many reasons why October-December would be a much more convenient time for me to be in NY. And if I stay in Toronto, do I get my own place like I've always wanted, or do I stay with my awesome roommates in this awesome apartment? I fucking hate my life.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Omigod You Guys (Legally Blonde)

I had an interesting night last night. I went to a 70s disco party and was all decked out in my vinatge grab, attracting a lot of attention because, let's face it, I was the best dressed male there and I know how to steal the scene at a party. But I wasn't expected the attention I got from one particular fellow. Let me remind you that I never pick up. Never! But I was looking particularly fabulous on this particular eve. So this dude starts telling me how awesome I look and how cool I am, yada yada yada, all the stuff I tell myself everyday. So then there's this point not too far from the end of the evening when I'm sitting by myself, taking a moment of rest, when he plops himself down on the seat next to mine. He tells me again how great my outfit is and asks me who I'm here with. I pull out my camera and show him pictures I'd taken early and say "Her. Her. Her. Her. Her." They're all hot. He's all, "Ooh, hot girls." I'm all, "I know, I know." Then he's like "You must be getting a lot of attention from the ladies here tonight." I go "Well, yeah, but I've actually had more of a response from the guys." I bring up that I'm not looking for female attention. I'm a homo. He tells me that he respects that, but he's straight. He then says his girlfriends always think he's gay. Then that he just broke up with his girlfriend two weeks ago. Conversation flows, and I know what he's getting to. He bring up points like he can find a man attractive but be sexually attracted to him. He can't see himself loving a man. He would only feel comfortable sleeping with a man if it's in a threesome situation with a girl as the third. He's into fashion. He may be metrosexual. It could be confusion. I tell him that I don't believe in denial and that at 28 he should know by know. Pretty much he was trying to get me to tell him that he's gay or that he should explore with me, maybe. It was a pretty fun conversation for me. He even pulled out his phone and asked for my number. Then the people he was staying with (he's from Kingston) were leaving and he said he'd stay. Then he suggested we dance. We got up and he put an arm around me. I danced with him a bit and then ditched him for my friends. I was there with them after all. He left without saying goodbye. Even when I pick up I don't pick up.

So then I get home and the toothpaste tube is missing. I find some mouthwash and use it. In the morning, still no toothpaste. I mouthwash, go to work and suck mints all day. Where is the toothpaste. I don't understand? Why is there never water in the Brita? I'm not mad. I'm just curious. Maybe I'm in denial.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Here's Where I Stand (Camp)

Ok, so I recently watched Love, Actually. Everyone who has seen it tells me they love it. I love multiprotagonist films and I like british films so I figured I would love it also. Turns out I wasn't impressed. I actually thought it was not a good movie. There were some great moments. I really liked the little boy. He's adorable, a sweet actor, and I like the twist that he was in love and that's why he was so downtrodden, not because his mother died. But what was with that scene at the airport? I'm sorry, but do all little tiny boys know their way through an airpor well enough that they can out-run security and not have to stop to check what gate this girl he was chasing after was departing from? How did he know where to run to? Please tell me. And then when he is taken back to Liam, the little chick comes out to kiss him on the cheek. I'm sorry, did her really say "Ok, black daughter, you can go all the way back to see thi kid. We'll just hold have them hold the plane. Did security say, "Sure, little black girl, go ahead and return from where you came. We won't find this suspicious or have to re-search you when you come back through. And Liam... oh, Liam. You were fine and all, but the Claudia Schiffer thing. It was cute up until the point where he meets her, only she has a different name. She's just the same person with the same voice but not a model.

Keira Nightley, why were you in this movie? You and your two men had no connections to the rest of the cast, except at the end when we find out that you just happen to be friend with Colin Firth. I'm sorry, what?! You had nothing to do with each other throughout the entire movie, he wasn't even at your wedding and all of sudden you, the black dude and the white dude, who are all sooo much younger than him, are his best friends? That's gay. Also gay is what the fuck was up with that storyline? I really liked the character of the dude in love with his best friends's wife, but it was said that he never spoke to her, so how did he end up falling so hard for her exactly? And how did the three of them end up staying friends? And how did he know that she would answer the door and not him?

Back to Colin. He and that maid. It was a cute storyline, but the whole he says something in english and she says practically the same thing in portuguese... that was retarded. So forced. So dumb. Just... dumb. But I really liked her sister. Like, I like-like her.

Laura Linney, you were great and I liked you story. But why did it die out? You didn't even get a moment at the end?

Hugh Grant... fine, I'll accept this one but it's still cliche.

I did love some shit. Like the scene where Laura Linney's in bed with that sexy fucker, but her brother keeps calling her, and the scene that follows it at the hospital. That was good shit. We needed more of that. Emma Thompson's character rocked the shit. I totally dug her story. But exactly what was her connection of Liam Neeson?

The stand-in couple were just darling.

Ugh, and the Colin Firth story had such promise! If only they hadn't fucked up with the cheesy dialogue.

UGH! And what the hell was up with that dude who goes to the States to get laid? What was with te stupid cameos and the absolutely ridiculous dialogue that turned the movie into American Pie 8? That really actually pissed me off.

I didn't who the fuck I was supposed to care about in this film. I didn't have time to invest in anyone. Except Emma. Just when I had bought into Laura, she disappeared. But everyone else... I wasn't sure who was likeable and who wasn't. I wasn't sure why I should like any of these people at all. I think it was a poorly made film. I'm not satisfied. That's just the way I feel. Don't hate.

If this movie taught me anything, it is that there are a lot of black people in London, but none of them are important.

I believe I am done speaking on this subject.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Simple Little Things (110 In The Shade)

I'm thinking of being nice to my parents now that I've left them. They're old and lonely. I'll let you know how that goes.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Take Back Your Mink (Guys and Dolls)

I went to my local strip club tonight. All the men were beefy. Made me feel like I won't do well. However, it was ladies night. I was prepared to see manly men. I'm not a manly man. I appeal to old lonely men, not rowdy women looking for a good time. I'll have to go back when there are no women present and see how different the atmosphere is.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Burden Of Life (A Man Of No Importance)

It will be 12:30 in twenty minutes. I have to choose between going downstairs to check out the gym, watching The Young And The Restless, or doing my New York City Ballet workout video. I'm going to choose the soap opera. It's been good to me. Working out has not. It has only gotten me into debt.

The Truth (Brooklyn)

The truth is I like my roomies. I also let a man from my past put his mouth around my penis today. I didn't like having his in mine. There's a reason why I haven't hard oral sex since last September or October. I guess I've had my fix now and I'm good to go without for another few months, until I get to New York and can start seeing if there's anything between me and my Scooter. Either way, it was nice to lie naked with someone after we just came and talk about our careers. Plus I've been crazy horny since I got back in the city. I think I'll join ArtsMonkey in season five and send the men away now.

Have It Your Way (Assassins)

Fine, Warrior Princesse, you win. Here is a new blog. Update. I live with two fucking losers whom I hate. They're dirty and ugly and have no sense of humour. They also never talk about sex. Is that what you want to hear? LIES?! Is it?!