Monday, July 28, 2008

Her Name Is Aurora (Kiss Of The Spider Woman)

I went to a two year old's birthday party today. I was surrounded by babies. Some of their names were Ella, Frederick (ok, not too bad so far), Riley, Colton, Skye, Dayton, and Phoenix. I felt like I was in a soap opera. There were many other babies around but I was afraid to learn their names. I was worried they might be Chasity, Essence, Aroma, Tablecloth, Mississauga. Parents today are absurd. I get the whole "I want my baby to have an original name" thing, but are any of these people thinking about how their children are going to feel when they walk into a gift shop and don't see their names on a novelty key chain? They will, however, always find their name on a map or listed in the ingredients of a perfume bottle.

I Should Tell You (Rent)

Ok, wait, I need you to know that I did not say everything I wanted to say in the last blog. In fact I don't believe I ever even got to my real dilemma. The problem isn't so much that I don't have time to view and read all that I want to view and read. The problem is that I tell myself that I don't have the time to view and read these things, so then when I do view and read, it feels like a chore, something I need to cross off my list, so I don't end up enjoying it. Barrell Fever is a collection of very funny stories that I read quickly. I didn't really take anything it. Thinking back on it, it would be hard to quote because I wasn't really paying attention. I was just turning pages because my eyes got to the bottom of the second page before my brain did. I've been watching Season 2 of The Muppets but I can't tell you who guest starred because I wasn't really watching it, I starred at the screen until the episodes were over. I don't like this way of experiencing art. I want to enjoy it! I don't want to just be able to say that I saw or read it. This is so gay.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Human Stuff (The Little Mermaid)

There aren't enough hours in the day for all the books I need to read, TV I need to catch up on and movies I need to discover.  Ugh.  Seriously.  I have a whole bunch of Sedaris books sitting on the floor next to my bed, unread.  I keep telling myself that at the end of the day I'll sit in bed and read, but instead I choose to need a couple of hours of sleep.  I could read in the bathroom but I've been taking quicker poos these days.  I have DVDs of The Muppets, Strangers With Candy, The Golden Girls, Sondheim musicals, and my collection of Woody Allen movies that I need to get through.  I bought all these things months ago but I can't find the time to watch them.  I can't even find the time to get to my singing lessons!  I haven't been to a class since the beginning of June.  Always with the last minute cancellations.  I don't have the time to call friends who haven't seen me in a couple of years.  I don't have time to call all my friends parents who want to see me and are lonely because their children have moved away.  I can't squeeze in a minute to call people to congratulate them on their new babies.  I never have time to use that gym membership I purchased three months ago.  I certainly don't make the time to talk to my parents.  Anytime they ask me a question I yell "not now!"

However I seem to have plenty of time to work like a madman (money is so nice these days). dance around in my room, watch Y&R and So You Think You Can Dance, Facebook creep, masturbate, hang out with one friend all the time and dream.

My Ottawa stand-up debut is tomorrow night at a real live comedy club!  Man I'm pumped!  I'm not really telling people because I want an audience of strangers to tell me if I'm funny and not my friends.  Hopefully doing this show will pump me up and motivate me to get of my ass and grow up.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dude All Dude (Dude)

Don't hate me but I met David Sedaris last night. There was a book signing at a tiny bookstore in the West part of town. My lady friend told me about it the day before, so we went. There were so many people, we had to sit in the parking lot and listen to him over speakers. He came out to say hello and was super friendly. He read three stories. They were funny. Then we waited two hours in line for his signature. The reason we waited so long is because he takes his time to talk to each person. He likes to get to know his readers and doesn't like to talk about what they like about his work. We could hear him trying to guess everyone's zodiac signs. When he got to me he said I'm a Taurus. He could see in my face that he was wrong so he told me that I'm adopted and I never knew it and my parents want me to think I'm Libra. I was all "woah, how did you do that?" but he just smiled and signed my book. He wrote

To Skinny Rabbit

Diabetes is for lovers

David Sedaris

He asked my friend if she likes turtles, so she laughed and said yes. He proceeded to draw a turtle, a cross, a stick figure of Jesus hanging from the cross, screaming "AAAAAHHHH!" and told us that turtles hate Jesus. My friend asked him to guess her sign, so he said "Pisces. No, Sagittarius. I see a little bit of myself in you, so I'm going to say Capricorn. Taurus? Pisces? Gemini? Taurus?" He then admitted that he just guessed mine and I seemed so impressed with him, that he wishes he could have guessed hers sooner.

Before we left she asked him to write "I see myself in you" in her book. He opened the book and wrote "see self in you."

This man kills me. He also bought ice cream and raspberries for everyone. How amazing is life when one week I'm meeting Susan Blackwell and the next I'm meeting David Sedaris?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

What Happens To Life (The Me Nobody Knows)

Welcome to my 200th blog!!!!!

I have so much to blog about. All my thoughts can make up seven different blogs, but I'll try my best to condense all thoughts to this single one.

I had the most amazing of times in New York. The most amazing of times in New York. Amazing of times in New York.


Seeing Patti LuPone in Gypsy. Seeing Roger Bart, Andrea Martin, Sutton Foster, Megan Mullaly in Young Frankenstein, but hating the show. Seeing Jane Krakowski, Sean Hayes and "Get out of here" Cheyenne Jackson in Damn Yankees, but not digging that Jane had to do Gwen Verdon's original Bob Fosse choreography. It just didn't work. Seeing Passing Strange and wanting to call my mother afterwards. Jerry O'Connell following me during intermission and Rebecca Romijn standing behind me. Spike Lee was also in the audience. Seeing Kerry Butler and Mary Testa in Xanadu. Seeing In The Heights and shitting my pants because it was so amazing. It's been a million years since I've shed a tear and yet that show somehow melted my black heart. I bawled my eyes out. Bawled. Melanie Griffith followed me outside at intermission and when she took her seat before Act II the whole audience went camera happy and annoying. Seeing [title of show] twice and again for a preview performance in Bryant Park right before catching my plane outta there. Meeting them all. Being there for the first night of previews was an experience none of us will ever forget and was well worth the time and money. Scooter taking me back to his place and showing me where Ethan Hawke lives and nothing happening between us, but being ok with that. Walking Joey in Washington Heights. Talking theatre with my hostess. Hanging out with my old roomie, but not enough. Reading Sedaris in Central Park. Learning Ann Reinking's original choreography for her dance solo in Fosse's Dancin' and being sore for three days from the six consecutive hitch-kick/laybacks.

It's amazing. Every time I go to New York I feel like I'm home. Like I belong there. Like I need to move there immediately. This trip, however, I was completely inspired but in a different way. I think I must be maturing or something, because I spent every minute in NYC reflecting and being inspired and coming to terms with the fact that my career has to start now and it has to happen in Toronto. I miss ya'll. I say ya'll a lot nowadays.