Saturday, September 02, 2006

Hell No! (The Colour Purple)

Some of my friends received phones calls today regarding the show. One girl got Babette, another is a Silly Girl. It's 2:21am and I still have not received a call. I am upset and angry. This doesn't mean I'm not in the show, because they also make rejection calls, so no news is not necessarily bad news. However, I've heard from an inside source that I have been cast as Monsieur D'Arque and I'm not happy. Not at all. Especially since the only reason I got that role was because they needed me for dance chorus. I am livid. The guy who got Lumiere is fabulous and probably the only person I don't mind losing to. But the dude who got Lefou is no Skinny-Rabbit. Not by a long shot. So because he can't dance, I'm the creepy old guy who makes a cameo in Act II. What the fuck do I do now? Do I accept the role and go and be miserable and wow the fuck out of everyone come Act II? Is it even possible to wow people with such a forgettable role? (Maybe, I did it with Bobby in A Chorus Line, but I basically got to play myself there.)

I don't know if I would mind as much if I knew the choreography was going to be amazing. But I've heard bad things about our choreographer. That she's really simple, and does a lot of box steps. So to respond to your comment, princesse, she's a great choreographer for non-dancers. Plus, the apprentice choreographer is someone with no dance training whatsoever. She's just some guy who thinks she can dance. Ugh. She was teaching us the dance for the dance audition and her arms were so bad, I actually raised my hand and said "I'm confused about the arms here. Do you want them straight or bent?" She said straight, and then proceeded to dance with bent arms.

I think my plan of action is to accept the fucking role, show up for the first few rehearsals, and if I get too pissed off, annoyed or decide to have any diva moments, I will walk. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to find a script online so I can see if I actually have any cause to bitch as much as I do.

(PS - How great is it that I found a song called Hell No! to title this blog!)

3 comments:

The ArtofBeingMe said...

In that last paragraph, did you mean to say "show up for my first few rehearsals" or "auditions". I'm confused.
I'm also P.O.ed you are being given d'arque. I HATE box steps!!!!!!

Warrior Princesse Alathariel said...

Dude, it's fucking fabulous that you found "Hell No!" What are you gonna do when you run out of song titles?

I meant a super good choreographer who makes non dancers look good but still impresses the audience. there are only so many box steps the audience can take!

You should should should have gotten an L part.

I laughed really hard thinking about you asking that question to the assistant. That's the only thing you could have done my friend. hopefully, that random guy(slash girl?) is not going anywhere in the dancing world.

skinny-rabbit said...

she's not. she's fat, and doesn't have technique nor personality, so she has nowhere to go but amateur theatre in ottawa.