I Want It All (Baby)

[originally posted February 17, 2006]

Everything always works out for me. Or at least it used to. I was the luckiest little bastard, I never had to work hard at anything, everything just sort of fell into my lap, and I was happy. Then I moved to Toronto and luck ditched me for a younger, slimmer boy about 2 and a half years later. 2005 was a hard year, but now that I'm back in Ottawa, I'm determined to get reacquainted with my good luck charm.
So here I am. Wondering what's next. I haven't been on an airplane or even left the country in over 4 years. That's insanity in my family. It's time to plan a trip, that trip being the free one to Hong Kong/Vancouver that I've postponed 3 times already. I need this vacation, especially since it's a trip by myself. Yes, I'm going to see my sister and some friends, but I'm doing it on my own and that's something I've never done before (except for a one day excursion to NYC a few years back). I'm not looking for a job yet because I don't think it's polite to start a new job and ask for vacation time after a week.
But now everything's thrown out of whack and I'm stuck with an embarrassment of riches I'm not sure I can afford to maintain. Today my mother invited to Mexico in May for my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. Hot, I'm there. I haven't been to Mexico since 1999 and I now have new family members I haven't even met yet and I want them to know me. After spending almost every summer of my childhood there, these last seven years have left a huge void.
Another void has been left by New York. I used to go every two years up until four years ago. I'm long overdue for a return trip. Liz has the same need and there's no way we're not going this year. Then there's my planned trip to New Brunswick with Claire to put on a show with Melanie. Plus Sarah's getting married in August and I'm the maid of honour, and then I move to Vancouver in September.
Here's the problem. The whole reason I moved home was to pay off a good chunk of my debt before my big move. How the Hell am I going to hold down a job - and even if I do - how the Hell am I going to make enough money to pay off any debt by September, when I'm planning to go away for 2 weeks in March, another week in May, another week in June and another week in July? Where are my priorities?
The truth is that my debt is going to take a long time to pay off and it will likely always be there. Travel is good for the soul, and a huge part of who I am that has been lacking for a very long time. Like I told the guy at the credit card company, I can't stop living my life just because I have debt. I'm really hoping my estranged friend, Luck, will kick in this year. Any day now, bud. Any day now.