Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre Last Night,
When you enter a ninety seat theatre and there are but nine other people waiting for the movie to start, please don't sit in the seat directly in front of mine. I have no problem with you sitting in the row directly in front of mine, but plopping your ass down one seat over would have made all the difference in the world. The movie has subtitles, and while I speak Spanish, the dialect from Spain is different than that from Mexico and Penelope Cruz's breasts are distracting, and your big head would have perfectly blocked them from my vision (the subtitles, not the breasts).
Sincerely,
Skinny-Rabbit
PS: The fact that you didn't even notice that I stood up and moved down the aisle proves to me that you are oblivious and shouldn't be allowed in public.
Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre Last Night Who Arrived After I Had Already Moved Down The Aisle,
There are eighty other seats to choose from in the room. So why did you think it would be a good idea to sit the aisle seat in the very row I was sitting in, henceforth blocking me in, setting up for an unfortunately awkward and uncomfortable situation in the event I need to get up and go to the washroom during the screening of the motion picture. Luckily for you I never get up during a movie, fatso.
Thank you for your time,
Skinny-Rabbit
Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre A Couple Of Weeks Ago,
You're there by yourself and I dig that. I do it too. I get that you're lonely and probably a big nerd. I'm not judging you based on the fact that you have no one to go to a movie with, because as I just said, I like to go to movies by myself as well. I judge you because you're loud and obnoxious and displayed a behaviour I have never seen before. If something makes you laugh, then by all means, laugh. Don't, however, being making commentary to yourself and go announcing out loud (very loudly) exactly why you found the humourous moments to be, well, humourous. You make me sick.
Love,
Skinny-Rabbit.
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5 comments:
Can you believe that at the screening of "Dreamgirls" i attended on Friday night, there was a woman behind me who actually said, and i quote verbatim,
"ALRIGHT! You GO GIRL!!"
during Jennifer Hudson's rendition of my personal favorite song from the show, "and i'm telling you i'm not going".
why? why did she do this?
your angst towards the general public amuses me.
I like how you ended the third one with "love."
Did I ever tell you about the crazy couple who sat next to me and lovah during Broken Flowers?
does "whoosh...spinnnn" ring any bells?
No, PA, I never heard that story! Do tell. In blog form.
Good (Impressive) call on the title of this blog.
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