Winter's On The Wing (The Secret Garden)

I guess I went through like a month of not blogging because I didn't know what was going on with my life and I didn't know how to blog about that. I was jobless, and still technically am. That wasn't upsetting. It was nice. I don't know how I managed it, but I'm still not out of money. I'm afraid to check my bank account to see how much I'm down to. I sleep in every day and do nothing. That's fabulous. Unfortunately the nothing that I do includes eating. As in not even eating. I'm not healthy and I wish I could say I had an eating disorder because that would be glamorous, but no, I'm just too lazy to eat anything but Subway once a day. I like that Neenia cleans the kitchen and I like that Bedroom Prince tidies up the apartment every day. I've just now started to enjoy doing a show and the people I've been doing it with. I went to an audition last week that left me embarrassed. I'm not a singer. I'm not a dancer. I shouldn't be going to auditions that I know I have no chance of getting. I should be branching out into comedy. I should be writing again. I spent (ok, my father spent) thousands of dollars on film school so I could learn to be a screenwriter and what I have a written since graduation? Nothing. With my new job search I debated whether to start looking for a real job or not. To start a career. I've been craving stability and a maturity I've never had. I'm almost 27. There comes a point when you have just grow up, no? No. I don't want that life. I want to be an actor. I went to a movie the other night and was inspired. Oh yeah. Going out and experiencing stuff inspires me. I just remembered that. Staying in and watching Sex And The City inspires me too, but I have to remember that I have a life to live outside of Carrie Bradshaw's. It's getting cold out and I'm falling in love with the weather. I get upset whenever a sudden heat wave reappears because I want it to be fall. It's so romantic, fall. I love the leaves changing and the sweater weather. I like being chilly but comfortable. I can't wait for the first snowfall. I can't wait for winter coat weather with hat and scarves and gloves and new window displays at Holt Renfrew. I can't wait to have a bedroom I can finally call my own so I can start decorating it to suit my taste. I can't wait to start being happy with me again.