What Is It About Her (Lippa's The Wild Party)

She gets me through the day, that Kelly Clarkson. She really does.

Why Did I Listen To That Man? (Urinetown)

I took a risk and I lost. I hate that I changed my life plan for nothing.

I'm Not That Smart (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)

I can't help but feel that some of the decisions I made a couple of short months ago are now biting me in the ass. I'm an idiot.

Other People's Stories (Amour)

I had a flash of genious yesterday. I figured it out. What I'm going to do to get me through the next year. I'd been trying to think of something to write, a series of short plays, or a screenplay, that could get the ball rolling for me and my friends. Thoughts came to mind but nothing good enough. Then it hit me. Use my camera and make it real. I love filming. I love my friends. I love this business. I'm going to combine the three and interview all my friends who are struggling artists and try and make some sort of documentary out of it. I'm still fuzzy on the details but I have help. I've enlisted a friend of mine who's an up and coming young screenwriter/director and she's going to help me work out the kinks and get this bitch done. You will all be my subjects. Even you, Pants, even though you never blog anymore. I've very excited. Very.

Winter's On The Wing (The Secret Garden)

I guess I went through like a month of not blogging because I didn't know what was going on with my life and I didn't know how to blog about that. I was jobless, and still technically am. That wasn't upsetting. It was nice. I don't know how I managed it, but I'm still not out of money. I'm afraid to check my bank account to see how much I'm down to. I sleep in every day and do nothing. That's fabulous. Unfortunately the nothing that I do includes eating. As in not even eating. I'm not healthy and I wish I could say I had an eating disorder because that would be glamorous, but no, I'm just too lazy to eat anything but Subway once a day. I like that Neenia cleans the kitchen and I like that Bedroom Prince tidies up the apartment every day. I've just now started to enjoy doing a show and the people I've been doing it with. I went to an audition last week that left me embarrassed. I'm not a singer. I'm not a dancer. I shouldn't be going to auditions that I know I have no chance of getting. I should be branching out into comedy. I should be writing again. I spent (ok, my father spent) thousands of dollars on film school so I could learn to be a screenwriter and what I have a written since graduation? Nothing. With my new job search I debated whether to start looking for a real job or not. To start a career. I've been craving stability and a maturity I've never had. I'm almost 27. There comes a point when you have just grow up, no? No. I don't want that life. I want to be an actor. I went to a movie the other night and was inspired. Oh yeah. Going out and experiencing stuff inspires me. I just remembered that. Staying in and watching Sex And The City inspires me too, but I have to remember that I have a life to live outside of Carrie Bradshaw's. It's getting cold out and I'm falling in love with the weather. I get upset whenever a sudden heat wave reappears because I want it to be fall. It's so romantic, fall. I love the leaves changing and the sweater weather. I like being chilly but comfortable. I can't wait for the first snowfall. I can't wait for winter coat weather with hat and scarves and gloves and new window displays at Holt Renfrew. I can't wait to have a bedroom I can finally call my own so I can start decorating it to suit my taste. I can't wait to start being happy with me again.

Remind Me (Never Gonna Dance)

What am I doing in musical theatre? I've been asking myself that a lot these days.

Rumours (Anna Karenina)

I remembered something this morning that I hadn't thought about in a very long time and it upset me all over again. It's not really a big deal but I hate when people think things about me that aren't true. I really don't care what people think of me as long as it's true. If you hate me, I should hope that it's because I did something to pissed you off. You all probably have heard this before but I'll reiterate. Someone told a bunch of people that I had sex with my roommate at the time. People believed it which baffles me considering I don't have sex, and young twinky blondes are not my type. It still upsets me that people think that I'm not still a vigrin, because I am. The person who spread the rumour claims to have heard it from the kid I was living with. To this day I don't know if he made it up, or if the kid did. And it pisses me off. I don't mind if people spread rumours about me that are true. Like the rumour that I had a threesome with a closeted friend. That was true. I was fine with people gossiping about it because people could make assumptions about me based on fact. But this sex with roommate business still has me throwing up in my mouth.