Serenity (Triumph Of Love)

I've been thinking lately of how much I miss Ottawa. It's fucking bizarre because I hate Ottawa. But I really missed working at my old job with all the awesome friends I made and always being able to do a show with all the friends I've made. But I couldn't get out fast enough and I thought I was crazy for thinking I miss it. Yet getting off the train and being picked up by my father and driving down Kilborn with the orange leaves on the trees and on the ground and the cold weather and then turning right onto Virginia and pulling into the driveway and seeing my house with the kitchen and the big TV with digital cable and the cat and my bedroom, oh God, how I miss my bedroom... I was glad to be home. This is a new feeling for me. Usually I'm ready to leave as soon as I see my parents, but this time, I was at peace. This city is so beautiful in the fall. I miss driving along the canal. I miss my big bed with my firm mattress that I've grown accustomed to, and the TV and VCR/DVD player in my room that I can watch from said bedroom. I miss my friends here. I miss Georgie's Pizza and Shawarma King and Ste-Hubert and ice cream cakes, and always having chocolates in the hallway closet. I miss yelling at my mother for cleaning my room so I can't find anything. I miss avoiding my aunt and uncle who live next door. I miss living in a house in a neighbourhood with houses and children and families and older people who have careers and go to school and have land lines. I miss being able to say "Hey, let's go shopping in Montreal today" and actually doing it. I don't want to go back to that small three bedroom apartment in that condo-filled, impersonal neighbourhood that I share with 4 other people where the carpet is forever stained and I can still feel the vomit on the floor even though it's been cleaned and the kitchen sink in full of dirty dishes every day and the shower curtain is hideous and no matter how much you scrub the bathtub it will still go black and even though you clean the counter there will be shaving cream all over it within three hours and I sleep in someone else's bed that someone else has had sex on and we don't get all the channels I want so I can't watch Project Runway Canada hosted by Iman and the only places to eat in my neighbourhood are Subway and Quiznos and Mr Sub. I think I'm unhappy in Toronto.