Bright Lights, Big City (Bright Lights, Big City)

Ok, so I had a fucking blast in New York last week. Here are some highlights.

Day 1 - Back In The City (Bright Lights, Big City)

I arrive and take a cab to DansyAnsyPansy's workplace. We walk up Tribeca to SoHo where we stop at a cute little place to eat and admire all the fucking hot people in this town. Damn. We go see Spring Awakening. I like it. It wasn't the phenomenal show I've heard so much about. The acting was week. The voices were amazing. I enjoyed the staging, but Pants didn't and I understand her points. The fat girl with glasses sitting on stage trying to ignore the performers around her gave us a good laugh. I was disappointed to find out they reduced all the gay sex to one comedic kissing scene. But I found the music neat. It has Randolph written all over it. The "lyrical" choreography was ridiculous and unnecessary. The soundtrack is addictive.

Day 2 - Stay In My Life (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went on a date to see Company. They auctioned off the kazoo that the love of my life, Raul Esparza, played on stage during Side By Side By Side for Equity Fights AIDS. I won the bidding and was brought backstage where I entered an office and found the adorable Raul sitting behind a desk in his little Bobby suit. He shook my hand and I believe the first thing I said was "I'm in love with you." The kazoo was signed and in a ziplock bag, and he signed my program and I made him hug me and pose for a picture. He's so lovely and I'm going to marry him one day. Other things I did that day were go see The View where The Pirate Queen performed and the entire audience got free tickets except for me because I was VIP. Isn't that backwards? I also went on a date with a neurotic and unattractive Jew with a Brooklyn accent who called me hot when I said "Eh." Nothing happened, except that he gave me some NYC condoms.

Day 3 - Wednesday (Bright Lights, Big City)

Curtains was the tightest show I saw. So happy to see Kander and Ebb finally have a hit musical again. Especially since it's their last. It was funny, entertaining from start to finish, strong performances, just good fun. Then I went to see Angela Lansbury and Marian Seldes in Deuce. I was going to see Audra McDonald in 110 In The Shade, but figured two old legends are better than one young one, so I chose that. The play wasn't great, but they totally stuttered through the show as they tried to keep track of their lines. That was fun to watch. I love live theatre. I did not love their costar. He sucked. I believe he is a graduate of the Lindsay Kramer School of Acting. Three seats over from me was a total cutie I made eye contact and smiles with. I wanted to ask him out after the show but I had to poo. It's the biggest regret of my life.

Day 4 - Heart and Soul (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to see Regis and Kelly and damn that chick is hilarious! Neenia and that other girl arrived and we were fabulous on the west side, recreating Carrie and Berger's first date. Went to see A Chorus Line and were all very disappointed. Neenia wondered aloud why there were no BGs in that production. I wondered the same thing. We then headed to the free Rufus concert that Bedroom Prince has told us about, and I met up with my next date there. Everything was very confusing at the club. And then slightly boring. We left before Rufus arrived. My date took me to his neighbourhood (Chelsea) and to a dinner that he often frequents. He warned me as we entered that he's there so much they know his name. It was super cute. They came over to comment on how his menu was open for the first time in forever. I loved seeing how he had found a little bit of comfort in the big city. We talked about a wide variety of topics and the conversation was never uneasy or awkward. He was super sweet. He told me his coming out story. His father was the first one to approach him about it when he was 23 and told him that he fully supports him no matter what. I couldn't help myself, my eyes started to tear up. The way he told me that, with such love for his family, ugh! I love his family and I don't even know them. Maybe it's because he's a therapist, but I felt like I could tell him anything. He then walked me to the subway and I hugged him goodbye. No moves. He has a weird tooth thing. I like slight flaws in teeth, so I like the big gap between his two front teeth, but there was something funky happening with one tooth in particular, but I couldn't stare long enough to find out.

Day 5 - Are You Still Holding My Hand? (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to Greenwhich Village and SoHo with Neenia and that other girl, and then saw Spelling Bee, which was good, but not absolutely fabulous, like I was expecting. The I Will Be Loved Tonight girl from I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change girl was playing Rona so that was neat. She was really good.

Day 6 - Perfect Feeling (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to Central Park with Neenia and that other girl. It was the most beautiful day in the world. In the world. Most beautiful. A dancing french baby who fell on her face made it even more perfect. Then I went to see my girl Fantastia in The Colour Purple (I refuse to type Color), and holy fuck was that an amazing end to my trip. The entire audience was black. Mostly women. It was fucking incredible the way this audience responded to the show. They were hooting and hollering, and in a good way. Not heckling. Just fucking having a fabulous time and not afraid to hide it. Fantasia kicked ass and during her big solo at the end, from the beginning of the number they were verbally supporting her and sitting forward in their seats, just offering the kind of energy most actors dream an audience would give. It was a fantastic feeling. They were giving their homegirl love and she was giving it right back. By the end they were up out of their seats. It was nutty, I tell you. I came home and told everyone in my show that we need to fill our audience with black people and recast with black people and we'll have a great show no matter what.

Albert misses Wanda.

I'm A Brass Band (Sweet Charity)

My situation changed slightly for the better in a matter of a half hour this afternoon. At 2pm, I went to the bank and met with someone about a loan. I met with him last year to ask for ten thousand dollars and was denied. I'm back this year asking for three thousand and was approved. Therefore, my asshole MasterCard is now officially closed bitches! My HBC credit card, back to zero, bitches! My $1000 overdraft reset, bitches! My Visa, empty and ready to use in NYC, bitches! So then I go next door to the tax place, hand the chick my T-4s, and boom, ten minutes later I'm getting back just over $300. Wait? What? That's it? I'm used to getting back at least $800. Oh well, at least I don't owe anything. Nigger feels good. Hopefully I don't spend much money on my trip. Why is it snowing? I'm supposed to be making money on the patio. Fucking global warming.

A Miracle Would Happen (The Last Five Years)

Someone has been sending me Facebook messages asking me to move into her room in Toronto in May. I can't because I'm doing two shows in June. The offer still stands for July and August. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm here, miserable, but almost debt-free and ready to start saving so that I can move to New York for two or three months and then go to Montreal, maybe permanently, which I'm very excited about. However I'm so miserable, so miserable in this house, that I might just fucking do it. I could quit Hard Rock here, go back to Hard Rock there, get a second job at Lucky Brand Jeans which my friend and former Roots manager runs, make a shit load of money, and I get to live with Bedroom Prince and Neenia! That sounds nice. It sounds very very very nice. But is it worth paying rent? Would I then be stuck in Toronto and not end up ever going to New York or Montreal, which I'm very excited about? If I don't go, I run the risk of postponing my move out of Ottawa, which I've already done countless times. I hate life here. Goodness me, I think I should do it. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm going to eat cereal.

Trouble In His Brain (A New Brain)

Not only do I not feel like blogging, but I never know what to say on your blogs anymore.

So what's happening with me. I'm in rehearsals for two shows. Both of which are going to suck balls. One I'm doing as a favour for a very young friend who kind of inspires me, and the other I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing. It's a piece of shit. I'm ashamed and for the first time ever, I don't care if anyone comes to see it, and I'd kind of rather they didn't. I mean, I'm going to rock the shit out of it, but I'm not in enough of it to save the rest of the show.

My parents drive me crazy. What else is knew? I'm slowly dying here and I am counting the days until I get out. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in the fall. I don't want to move back to Toronto anymore. When I was back there last time, I was telling everyone that I was moving back for sure, but by the time I left I really felt that I was done with that city. The only thing that will take me back is probably if I decide to pursue Second City. Vancouver was the reason I left in the first place but I'm just not feeling it. My plan at the moment is move to New York for a few months, until they kick me out, and if I can't get work by that time, I'm moving to Montreal. If I don't end up going to New York, I'll probably just go to straight to Montreal. I love that city, and I haven't lived there yet, so I think I'll give it a shot.

I want to give up on singing and dancing. I'll never be a dancer. That's old news. I don't have the passion for singing to make myself get better. I don't think I'm going to get anywhere in musical theatre. I'm going to try stand up this summer and see how that goes. If I succeed, then Montreal would be the perfect place to go. Ottawa has, what many comedians actually say is the best comedy club in Canada. There's always a full audience. Who knew Ottawa supported anything?

I'm sick of the people I'm close with. I mean the people I've been spending too much time with. I need a change. I'm not satisfied with the personal relationships I have at this point. It's time for a turnover. I haven't answered my phone today because I don't want to talk to anyone. I should clean my room. I should do my taxes.

I'm still very attracted to myself but I'm none too please with the way my body is looking these days. I definitely need to hit the gym. I don't want to go to the gym. That's a conflict. I get bored of my clothes very quickly. I want to wear items only once and never again, just like they do on TV. Y&R has had me glued to the television set for the past few months. That's nice.

I'm not healthy. I don't eat well. I barely eat. Does that make me anorexic? I don't think I have an eating disorder because I don't not eat out of wanting to be thin, I don't eat out of laziness. I never wake up early enough to have breakfast and then I go to work and run around all day and don't eat until I get home which is dinner time. Then I'll either not eat until the next day, or I'll go get McDonalds or order pizza sometime around midnight. Why am I killing myself this way? This may sound backwards but I'd be eating more if I didn't live at home. I know there's food waiting for me at home so I don't eat at work after my shift. I get home, wait a couple of hours for a meal that I don't like, barely eat it, and then don't have seconds because I hate home cooked meals. I'm disgusting. I disgust myself.

I absolutely cannot wait until April 16th when I go to New York. I can't wait to stay with DansyAntsyPantsy and see seven shows in six days. I can't wait to see Neenia and that other girl on April 19th. I can't wait to get out of Ottawa and these people. I worry that DansyAntsyPantsy is going to grow tired of me and that I'm going to be a nuisance in her home. Six days is a long time.

Look at me, I wrote a new blog.