A Fine Catch (Johnny Belinda)

I've decided to start dating myself. We're taking it slow for now. I mean, even though we've known each other practically all our lives, the decision to take the relationship to the next level is a new one. Oh, sure, we've always been very fond of each other, and we've been booty calling each other since puberty, but it's time for romance. I took myself out to the movies this afternoon after work, but there was nothing good playing at my favourite movie theatre, so instead, I decided to pamper myself by making an appointment at the salon tomorrow. I'm also going to take myself to a dance class tomorrow night. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Just hope I don't talk too much.

I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair (South Pacific)

My two step program to getting over someone.

Step 1: Stay away from them. Only speak when spoken to. Make it brief. Pretend you don't care. Eventually you will start to believe yourself.

Step 2: Focus on their faults. The carpet's negative attitude, which originally turned me on, has of late turned me off so badly that I've become to only think negative thoughts about him. Phew.

So that's it. I like him a lot less. Good times. Still cute, though. Just losing lots of points in the personality department, and that's huge.

So the show is over. I'm not going through post-show withdrawl. It's nice. I'm sleeping lots.

Here are some backstage photos because I don't have any show photos yet.

I've noticed that I've stopped writing in all capitals and have been writing in all miniscules. I wonder what that's a reflection of.

The Internet Is For Porn (Avenue Q)

Beauty and The Beast is going fabulously, but I can't wait for it to be over. I'll have pictures soon. In the meantime, I've JUST finished editing a backstage film I made during Victor/Victoria. I have the tail end here for you to see because I'm VERY proud of it! And when you're done watching that, watch the video below it. It's probably my favourite sex video on XTube.com. I wish I had a wide vagina just like that girl so that I could take his massive... ok, shut up and watch and drool and get wet.

Move [You're Stepping On My Heart] (Dreamgirls)

I can't even write this because I'm going to start crying. The news she had for me was that the carpet kissed the cupcake. This bothered me not when I heard it because I figured it was just a random attempt to pretend he's straight. He's been pretending to like this girl for a year now but he always knew that she's carrying a lot of baggage, and I knew she had a crush on him, but she knows that he's a mo. So why did it kill me tonight to see him with his arm around her at the restaurant after the show? I don't know what to think anymore. I seriously, do not mind closet cases, especially young ones. I don't think it's my business when or how they come out, which is why I haven't poured my heart out to him yet. But a closet case who takes on a girlfriend is the worst kind. It's the J.B. kind and I hate that because I feel like they're using another human being and, in a way, ruining that girl's life. She's already been fucked up by one guy, she doesn't need another. I'm trying to get over this fucker but my heart won't let me. I hate this!!!!!! This isn't how my life is supposed to work. I need to break down and cry about it sometime soon so I can finally move on. I feel like my life is on hold until I get over this. I'm going to have to cut him out of my life after this show until we get to work on our next project, which I'm no longer looking forward to. Ugh. UGH!

I Want To Know (Big)

A) She told me last night that she was going to call me today because she had something to tell me. What could it be? Hopefully it's about the carpet. She's best friends with him. I called her today and she said she had to call me back. I'm waiting patiently. Wetting myself.

B) Why is my face getting worst? Is the hydrocortizone I'm using detrimental? I think maybe 1% is too high and I should be using .5% or something. Why did it have to happen on the day when my doctor's office closes early, forcing me to go to the stupid medical clinic, which always gets it wrong? Am I going to have to live with rashy redness on my face (especially around my eye) forever?

C) The reviewers came last night. Did I make enough of an impact with my small character to get a mention? Will the mention be positive?

D) Will the smoke ever cover up Belle and The Beast so that the transformation can happen out of view of the audience, or is the audience going to have to sit there every night as the smoke comes in slowly from each side, rise in the middle where The Beast is lying, and see Belle help him remove his mask and gloves and wig and hand them to the hidden stage hands?

If A Girl Isn't Pretty (Funny Girl)

I have been disfigured. I look like the Phantom of the Opera. On Monday night we tried putting on my gargoyle mask with spirit gum. We tried it on just one side to see if it would work. It didn't. Tuesday, I noticed some redness on that side of my face, but figured I had just slept too hard on it. Wednesday morning I woke up and my right eye was swollen and the entire right side of my face had broken out into a rash. I went to see a doctor and got a prescription for some cream. Sometimes I think it's getting better, but sometimes it looks like it's not. My ear is getting pretty bad. I don't like this. I feel less beautiful. I feel like Brittany on The Young And The Restless when she got electrocuted by the stripper pole that someone had rigged to kill her, scarring her face and destroying her self esteem. Except that my self esteem is still intact. I actually feel kind of cool. I think scars give character, and if I'm anything it's a character. And this isn't going to scar (hopefully), I just want it to stop itching.

It's opening night tonight and I'm effing pumped.

I'm Only Thinking Of Him (Man Of La Mancha)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I can't get the carpet out of my mind. I hate this. I HATE THIS FEELING. Ugh. It's so not what I want to be thinking about but it's all I do. He's always running around in my head. He seriously gets up in the morning, just before I wake up, puts on his cute little running shoes, crawls into my brain and jogs around, spinning thought of himself, while he smiles his adorable smile and waves excitedly. He doesn't stop until I go to bed. Where does he get the energy from? Fuck! And then in real life he's totally hard to read! On Sunday, when we had our orchestra rehearsal and move in to the theatre, he was being so cute and flirty. He accidentally got paint on my hoodie and later said that now I'll always think of him when I put it on. All I have to do is look at him and I melt. I want , him out of my life or in it completely. It's very frustrating. ARGH!

I'm not supposed to be like this. I've spent many many years training myself to love only me and think of only me and have sex with only me. Someone take away his running shoes.

On another note, we open on Friday night and I'm very excited.

Blank Sheet Of Paper (Babies! Babies! Babies!)

I may have gone on a date tonight. I'm not sure. I can never really tell.

Monkeys And Playbills ( [title of show] )

Welcome to my 100th BLOG EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!! 100 blog, 100 showtunes! I've managed to write my first one hundred posts without ever once repeating a musical. And believe me, I've been tempted. I'm not sure how much longer I can stick with it, but there are thousands of musicals out there, so I can't give up now. It just sucks when I write something and have an amazing title for it, but I've already used up the musical. Oh well, such is life.

Thank you (all five of you) for sticking with me and reading up on me. I have loved doing the same for you (obsessively). You've been with me through a lot of important events in my life. From my first blog, Why (tick, tick... BOOM!), to my trip to Hong Kong, Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street) through Back To Before (Ragtime). From my missing Toronto and you guys way too much, My Friends (Sweeney Todd), to my forgetting all about you when I met Bernadette Peters and saw her live, Does Anybody Want To Buy A Memory (Brooklyn). The boycott I set against Ottawa's public transit system in It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q) is still going strong after six months. I made my first few substantial payments on my credit cards in Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic), setting myself off to a good start. I got a down and dirty in A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party) and I Can't Make This Movie (Nine) when I got it one with two different guys only days apart - the first knew my father, and the second I attempted to secretly videotape as he blew me on my mother's waching machine. I ended up in a brief romance, my first in like three years beginning with Then You May Take Me To The Fair (Camelot) and ending with What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar). You've witnessed my blog's face lift in I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy), and my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance, (which has rubbed off on most of you) in Fast (Zanna, Don't!). I complained about people being obsessed with the being in love in Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate) and have since fallen for someone I can't shake out of my system (or out of the closet!) in Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks). I had a paramount heart to heart with my mother in Confession (A Man Of No Importance) and my brother, What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead). Most importantly, Neenia and I became internet sensations in We Dance (Once On This Island). Thank you for reading, commenting, and making my life in Ottawa so much more bearable by allowing me to read your tales as well.

And now, Ladies and Gentleman, I present you with my first one hundred blog titles.

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead 1&2: The Musical)

Waiting For This Moment (Tarzan)

What's Wrong With That? (Rags)

Small Talk (The Pajama Game)

I Get A Kick Out Of You, or, You're The Top (Anything Goes)

Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate)

Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh (The Phantom Of The Opera)

Why God Why? (Miss Saigon)

Private Thoughts (Teddy & Alice)

Awesome (The Wedding Singer)

The Madness Of King Scar (The Lion King)

On The Street Where You Live (My Fair Lady)

Hell No! (The Colour Purple)

Keep It Gay (The Producers)

When Velma Takes The Stand (Chicago)

Safe (Hello Again)

Fast (Zanna, Don't!)

Make Me Happy (Lippa's The Wild Party)

Food, Glorious Food (Oliver!)

The Money Song (Cabaret)

Use What You've Got (The Life)

Good Morning, Baltimore (Hairspray)

I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy)

Movies Were Movies (Mack And Mabel)

We're Ok (Rent)

What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Holding Out For A Hero (Footloose)

The Best Of Times (La Cage Aux Folles)

Summertime (Porgy And Bess)

Poor, Poor Pharoah (Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat)

One Special Man (Big)

Children Will Listen (Into The Woods)

Welcome To The World (john & jen)

See I'm Smiling (The Last Five Years)

This Is Not Over Yet (Parade)

I Think I Can Play This Part (The Goodbye Girl)

Workin' It Out (They're Playing Our Song)

Almost A Love Song (Victor/Victoria)

Then You May Take Me To the Fair (Camelot)

Pleased With Myself (Starting Here, Starting Now)

Feed Me [Git It] (Little Shop Of Horrors)

I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)

I Remember That (Saturday Night)

Diva's Lament (Spamalot)

Don't Like You (The Beautiful Game)

I Whistle A Happy Tune (The King And I)

Nothing (A Chorus Line)

I Can't Make This Movie (Nine)

Funny/The Duck Joke (My Favourite Year)

A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party)

Not Enough Magic (The Rink)

Goodnight And Thank You (Evita)

Don't Quit While You're Ahead (The Mystery Of Edwin Drood)

Steppin' To The Bad Side, or, I Am Changing (Dreamgirls)

Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little (The Music Man)

Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic)

We've Won (The Who's Tommy)

Sexual Confusion (Taboo)

It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q)

Unexpected Song (Song and Dance)

Does Anybody Wanna Buy A Memory (Brooklyn)

My Friends (Sweeney Todd)

There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This (Sweet Charity)

Fancy Meeting You Here (Lucky Stiff)

Hard Work (Fame)

Why We Like Spelling (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)

Too Much Exposition (Urinetown)

Opportunity Knocking (The Thing About Men)

Who's Got The Pain? (Damn Yankees)

Day By Day (Godspell)

A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste (Whistle Down The Wind)

Where Do I Go? (Hair)

Poor, Unsuccessful And Fat (A New Brain)

The First Man You Remember (Aspects Of Love)

Everybody's Got The Right (Assassins)

No Life (Sunday In The Park With George)

If I Were A Bell (Guys and Dolls)

Back To Before (Ragtime)

Journey To The Past (Anastacia)

Simple Joys (Pippin)

Eternal Youth Is Worth A Little Suffering (Sunset Boulevard)

Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street)

What Is This Feeling? (Wicked)

Don't Tell Me Everything (Brownstone)

I Want It All (Baby)

Oh, Ain't That Sweet (Thou Shalt Not)

Why? (Tick, Tick...BOOM!)

Opening: The New World (Songs For A New World)

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Much like Dansy Antsy Pantsy, I'm wondering when the hell I'm going to change my life around and get healthy. Unlike her, however, I don't have any plans to make these changes anymore, after years of failed attempts.

This makes me wonder if I'm slowly killing myself. Is eating fast food all the time clogging my arteries? Does the fact that I really only actually get around to eating about once a day (barely) mean that I have an eating disorder? I have been consuming a significantly minimal amount of junk food and soft drinks of late. Not because I'm trying to, but because my sweet tooth is thinning. I love myself and I don't want me to be unhealthy, but I'm so damn lazy, I can't help it. I don't want to get my ass to a gym (tried that many times over, it's not for me), and I don't have time to eat before/at work. This is so gay. Should I be taking vitamins? Are protein shakes the answer?

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Heard tonight:

"The thing about Skinny Rabbit is he'll blow you away but he'll never blow you." - Andrew, in drag

"Me and Lefou thought we'd just hang back and let Skinny Rabbit steal the spotlight." - Gaston, sarcastically, regarding our Maison Des Lunes trio.

"I've renamed that song The Cold Cut Trio, because it has two turkeys and a ham." - Maureen

"We were wondering, where were you when Gwen Verdon died? Because we think we know where she went." - Debbie (choreographer)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

I also found out last night that he was in the national tour of Peter Pan in France. Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan, but she was not in that company. He was six years old and played Wendy's baby brother and he got to fly. Why is he torturing me?

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

The Good:

I bought a lot of lovely things this week including a winter jacket (it's brown, I tell ya!) from Holt Renfrew, five musical theatre CDs from Song And Script, a hat and gloves from Banana Republic, and a hoodie and pair of undies (my first pair of briefs since like grade 8!) from American Apparel.

I got to hang out with some of my favourite people.

I saw So You Think You Can Dance and shat myself. No really. I'm still wet. I met Natalie and had her babies and she licked me.

The Bad:

I didn't get a picture of Natalie because my fingers stopped working at that point. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Princesse Alathariel. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I spent way too much money. More than I can afford.

The In-Between:

My crush, ugh, I can't even look at anymore. I can't stand the sight of that fucking adorable face any longer. It's getting to the point where talking to him kill me because all I want to do is put my lips on his. Whenever he's speaking to me I give him absolutely no reaction because if I react, it'll be by putting my lips on his. So I give him nothing. I hope he knows.

He's also making me feel inadequate, but not on purpose. I found out today that because of his father's status in the government he doesn't need a passport and can hop on a plane to go anywhere in the world within an hours notice with some sort of international card (I suppose this is like a passport for important people). I found out today that when he was sixteen he went to Kenya and South Africa by himself just because. He's always brings up stuff like this casually because he's kind of insecure that way, which is fine because I do it too, but he still makes me jealous that he's so much younger than me and has seen more Broadway shows than I have. And I've seen quite a few. That's not wrong of me to feel is it? We all feel this way around people like that, right?

He's also pretty catty behind people's backs and is really judgmental. Not that that's a turn off, you just always wonder what he's saying behind your back. Except he usually complements me which makes me think that he wouldn't bad mouth me. But I still want him.

(Oh, and did I mention that he's also an artist. Have I ever told you that I've always wanted to fall in love with someone who can draw and paint, because it's one ability I've always wished I had? It's killing me. Killing me!)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

Excuse me, but I'm sweet on you and you know it. I mean, I've never told you, but you know. You can tell. Look, I know you're not interested in a relationship and you're too selfish and focused on your career right now. Baby, that's cool. So am I! I just think you're super cute. Your smile totally warms my heart and you have nice eyes. Your eyebrows are a little too close together, but we can fix that. I love that you can sing, have a background in gymnastics and are way more flexible that me. I love that you acknowledge that I'm a better dancer than you. It turns me on that you have such a passion for set design and that you go to New York twice a year to see the original cast of all the new Broadway shows, specifically to scope out the sets, and that while you're there you always take a workshop. I fucking love your ambition and drive. I love that you are in university studying architecture. I love that you have a great sense of style, one where you can pull off outfits from thrift stores to Harry Rosen. I love that you're cynical. Did I mention I dig your smile? I hate that you're not open about who you are and that nothing can ever happen between us. Unless we're all wrong and you're not, in which case I'm sorry for doubting you. But you are and I want you.

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

I don't remember what time I woke up this afternoon, but I do remember that I layed in bed with the blinds drawn and watched Sex And The City for hours, beginning with commentary from season four, and ending with only two episodes left to go from season five.

The clock is about to strike six and I am still in my pajamas, and I feel a little sick from not having eaten yet. I may have some chips. Then I will shower. Then I will order a pizza.

At approximately nine pm I will be picked up and taken to a lavish party at Foundation, thrown in my honour.

I'm feeling a little fabulous. No. A lot fabulous.

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

I received this message from a 16 year old today regarding one of our videos. It reads as follows:

im sorry.. but im a dancer and your video of calling you is just disrespecful. im sure if i knew you it would be funny. but i am a dancer and one of mia michaels (the choreographer) students.. and im not too sure shed appreciate it either. i really don't think it's that funny or amussing. that dance is amazing and you just make fun of it is disrespectful. dont watch the show if all your going to do is make fun.

thanks

My retort:

What an interesting reaction. I'm sorry that you felt we were being disrespectful. That was definitely not our intention at all. We were in no way mocking the choreography or the choreographer. We were mearly goofing around in the living room and having fun. If we were making fun of anything, it was our own inability to do the choreography because it is incredibly challenging. We have nothing but repect for the show and especially for Mia Michaels.

I'm not sure why I'm dignifying your comment with a response, especially when most of your sentences don't make any sense. As a writer, and an English speaking human being, I find it insulting that you have such disrespect for the English language. Stay in school and learn some grammar, and how to use punctuations properly.

Thank you.

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

...Because that is what I deserve right now. I just remembered... that's right... just... that I missed someone's birthday on August 28th. Just remembered. About six weeks later. This happens to be the same someone who's side I stood by on her wedding day two months ago as her maid of honour. Why am I such a dinkus? I've called her since, but not to say happy birthday, and I actually never did get through to her. I wonder what she thinks of me right now. I hate me right now. I'm supposed to be her best friend!

On a happier note, I remembered only four days too late that I missed Dancy Antsy Pantsy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANDA! ALBERT LOVES YOU! (even though his memory seems to be failing him in his old age).

On an even happier note I thought I had also forgotten Bedroom Prince's birthday, but then I realized it was more than a month away, so I'm resting easy on that one. I'll remember it hopefully only 2 days later.

And on the happiest note, Neenia and I are celebrities! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. Pop culture icons? No? In any case, we have a small but growing fan base on youtube.com with our So You Think You Can Dance videos! Go check out such comments as:

"this was great! you guys are my heros. or is it heroes?" - ryanhr17

"you should do more dances from the show." - donaldo543

"i'm obsessed with the two of you." - ryanhr17

"she kind of looks like alison" - ameg03

"Wow, I was expecting you guys to really suck. I'm impressed!" - Rachella1983

Yes. We are amazing. I feel better now about being the worst friend in the entire world.

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

Mia Michaels Makes Me Hard

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Who's better?

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon. She took me to a park near Dow's Lake. We sat on a bench. The leaves were orange and brown. Across from us was the end of the Rideau Canal, with several ducks in the water and others standing on land, watching their little friends swim. I told her. I wish someone had been taking pictures or something. I looked good. I was wearing my brown leather jacket over my blue-ish/grey hoodie, over a creamy orange shirt and my hair was strategically messy. Marry that to the perfectly cool, not cold, weather and scenery, and it would have been a lovely scene in a movie.

By the way, the he was my brother, and I'm weirded out that he's the first one in the family I told. I always thought it would be my sister.