The Burden Of Life (A Man Of No Importance)

It will be 12:30 in twenty minutes. I have to choose between going downstairs to check out the gym, watching The Young And The Restless, or doing my New York City Ballet workout video. I'm going to choose the soap opera. It's been good to me. Working out has not. It has only gotten me into debt.

The Truth (Brooklyn)

The truth is I like my roomies. I also let a man from my past put his mouth around my penis today. I didn't like having his in mine. There's a reason why I haven't hard oral sex since last September or October. I guess I've had my fix now and I'm good to go without for another few months, until I get to New York and can start seeing if there's anything between me and my Scooter. Either way, it was nice to lie naked with someone after we just came and talk about our careers. Plus I've been crazy horny since I got back in the city. I think I'll join ArtsMonkey in season five and send the men away now.

Have It Your Way (Assassins)

Fine, Warrior Princesse, you win. Here is a new blog. Update. I live with two fucking losers whom I hate. They're dirty and ugly and have no sense of humour. They also never talk about sex. Is that what you want to hear? LIES?! Is it?!

Because (The Thing About Men)

So many people have been posting all their pictures from Toronto Pride on Facebook. It looks like fun. I have never been to a Pride event. I've never felt the need to. I don't consider myself a self-loathing gay. I consider myself a regular person. I feel that - and this is not limited to us homos - as long as we continue to celebrate our differences, there will always be minorities. I don't need a week or a parade to be gay. I can be gay all year long and feel great about it. Gay, black, Jewish, what-have-you, we are never going to be one as long as we keep reminding the world that we are not.

I'm Still Here (Follies)

I'd like to apologize for not keeping up with my blogging, but I'm not really sorry. It hasn't actually been that long, and I'm moving in two weeks, am extremely busy with too many commitments, and don't even have time to say a proper goodbye to all my friends here. You get me soon. Just leave me alone for now, I'll blog again when I'm ready. In the meantime watch this video and enjoy.

She's No Longer A Gypsy (Applause)

Ottawa Citizen Review: Spirit of Orpheus

THEATRE REVIEW
Packing 100 years of music in one show
Orpheus society incorporates songs from 65-plus musicals
BY PATRICK LANGSTON

Not fussy on My Fair Lady? Well, The Music Man is tuning up right around the corner. You could live without the cornball Indian Love Call (from Rose Marie)? The snappy Telephone Hour from the teenage saga Bye Bye Birdie will supplant it before you can warble, “When I’m calling you, oo-oo-oo.”

In fact, with its cornucopia of selections from more than 65 past musicals and a clutch of original numbers and tunes from potential future shows, The Spirit of Orpheus — the jubilant song-and-dance celebration of Orpheus Musical Theatre Society’s first 100 years that opened Friday at Centrepointe Theatre — has something for everyone.

The Spirit of Orpheus was commissioned by the society, which prides itself on being “the oldest, continuous performing, amateur musical theatre group in North America.”

Society mainstays Michael Gareau and John McGovern created the work, Mark Ferguson orchestrated it, artistic director Len Boone keeps the show moving at a lickety-split pace, and conductor Marlene Hudson leads the nimble orchestra through the quick-change demands of accompanying the big, brassy Don’t Rain on My Parade from Funny Girl one minute and the wistful A Wand’ring Minstrel I from Gilbert & Sullivan’s The Mikado the next. Phew. Guiding the audience through this engaging dash are the Spirit (Orpheus veteran Sheila Shields) and Neo (the gifted Kara Prost, a relative newcomer).

Neo, in a storyline that’s more a series of hooks on which to hang the songs and dances than a real narrative, is an aspiring Orpheus member. Like us, she learns about the society’s musical energy and remarkable diversity by watching the show unfold. Eventually, she auditions for Orpheus and — it’s hardly giving away the plot — lands a role.

Over the course of the show, the Spirit recounts to Neo the society’s history from its glee club origins through its stints at the plush and now-vanished downtown Russell Theatre and a couple of high school auditoriums to its current incarnation as a mostly Broadway production society playing Centrepointe since 1995.

The narrative, expository and frequently stilted, is the least of The Spirit of Orpheus’ charms. That’s more than compensated for by vocalists like Eugene Oscapella performing The Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera, Monique Cyr as the gospel belter on How Blest We Are from Big River and the hearty chorus on Brigadoon from the show of the same name.

The choreography by Val Keenleyside, Debbie Kaplan and Debbie Millett is strong, especially the showstopping Steam Heat (Skinny Rabbit shines here). David Magladry’s lighting design, smoothly mood-enhancing, also merits praise.

The Spirit of Orpheus is a toast to the past. Its exuberance says that Orpheus is itching to plunge into the future. The Spirit of Orpheus continues at Centrepointe Theatre until June 9. Tickets and times, 613-580-2700.

Oh, What A Beautiful Mornin' (Oklahoma)

I feel like my last few posts have been dowtrodden, so I'm going to pick things up a little. This is the first morning in over a month that I've had to sleep in. It's awesome. I'm still exhaustsed, but at least I know I was able to sleep in. It was opening night last night. The show went very well for me and the audience effing loved it. I must say I was totally on. Steam Heat got a wild reaction, which we were totally hoping for. I like getting opening night cards. It makes me feel nice when people say nice things to me. Like this one, for example, from someone I've never been in a show with before, but who has been in other shows with the same company: "I've seen you onstage before and you captured my attention. I can see now why everyone loves you - you're so talented: sing, dance and act and you're just a great guy." That's nice.

I'm also feeling very good because I told my bosses at work that I'm leaving them for Toronto. I was very scared to tell them that I'm ditching in the middle of the summer, which is their busiest time of year, but they were fully supportive. They knew it was coming and have been dreading the day. That feels good to know. I also love leaving when people least expect it. Like when I decided to leave Toronto. I definitely left to pay off my debt (only $1000 to go! I can DO this!), but in the back of my mind I was mostly excited to leave because of the shock value. I have the same feeling now, and I tell the friends I have made here "Oh, by the way, I'm moving back to Toronto next month." That's hot.

I Got A Little Time (Hello, Again)

But I don't. I have no time. I get up every morning at 6 to be at work for 7, and work until 4ish. Then I go to the theatre for 6:30 and get home at about 11:30. I sleep very little. However, my big worry is that my father is left all alone at home all day long with nothing to do. He's no longer working, he's no longer on speaking terms with his brother who lives next door (my father thinks everyone's out to get him so he picks fights if things don't go his way), my mother is in the middle of her three week vacation to Mexico that he refused to go on with her for absolutely no good reason, my brother is on a business trip for a week and my brother's fiancee is no longer his fiancee. Add to that the fact that he has a serious doctor's appointment tomorrow at one and I can't be there to go with him because I have to work. I came home tonight at 11:30, my father already asleep. I've been sitting at the computer, and I've been hearing weird noises that were probably coming from the back door with light meowing. I turned on the backyard light but there was nothing there. I later heard it again and check to see if the cat had maybe locked himself in the bathroom. He didn't. I checked the backyard once again and there was poor little George, sitting on the back porch, frightened. He's not an outdoor cat. He doesn't have claws. He's fat and lazy. If Klaus were out there he would have killed him. I don't know if I love my father, but I'm definitely worried about him.

A Certain Girl (The Happy Time)

I didn't know her very well. I definitely didn't like her. She was like that girl at our school who lied all the time and lived with ArtsMonkey. I didn't think she was a good person. I didn't understand her. I didn't want to. I gossiped about her. I made fun of her. Someone once tried to defend her to me saying that if I knew why she was like that I would not talk about her that way. I just don't like people I can't trust. I found out tonight that she commited suicide this morning. I don't know how to feel about that. No one I've actually known, other than my grandparents, has passed away, thank God. I didn't see this coming but I knew she was a troubled girl and I can't say that I'm surprised. It's terrible that she succeeded in her attempt to take her own life. Someone said it was a very selfish thing to do. It is. Her passing leaves so many unanswered questions and so many grief-stricken people. Our show opens next week. I know she's going to be on everyone's minds. That's probably what she wanted. I guess I'm a terrible person for thinking ill of her even when she's gone. I'm just not sure what I should be feeling right now. I barely knew her. It's probably awful that I chose a song from the musical The Happy Time to title this blog. I didn't do it on purpose. This is not a happy time. I had a suicidal phase in grade nine, as I'm sure most people do at some point in their lives. I never made any attempts, I just contemplated it for some time. I was just seeking attention. I never would have had the guts to go through with it. I'm glad I never did. I love my life.

We Can Talk To Each Other (Starting Here, Starting Now)

Conversations with a stripper.

Chanel sits down next to me and puts her hand on my leg. I know what she wants. She has no idea what I want. She's french. Her accent is thick. Me no likey. "Mans tinks about sex every eleven seconds. I'm really smart, eh?" No. "What are you thinking about now?" she asks. I don't remember my answer but I'm sure it was vague. "You're looking at her breasts, aren't you?" "Um, yeah." I lie. She had no idea I was more interested in studying the strippers moves than her curves.

I was doing research to see if stripping was actually something I could do. The first and last time I went to a strip club I had to leave because I could not stop laughing. I kept thinking about the girls falling in those ridiculously high shoes. And the one who wrapped her legs behind her head and bounced her ass in the air became my object of ridicule for quite some time.

Chanel flat out says "You're not going to buy a dance are you?" I say no, she gets up and moves on to the next guy.

I'm there with a friend of mine. It's his birthday. He's always been a socially awkward human being. A nerd if you will. He's in my family and I've known him since I was born. We grew up across the street from each other and my mother is his Godmother. I may be his only friend. We go out to dinner every week. Since I left Ottawa the first time he's been forced to make a life for himself without me. He joined a bible study group and became a regular at the local strip clubs. Fitting. My reasons for taking him there are two fold. The first is to do something he'd like for his birthday, and essentially get a glimpse into his world when I'm not around. The second is for research.

He tells me about Georgia, a stripper he calls his friend. She comes over and sits next to him and gives him a hug. He introduces us. She's sweet. She's more friendly to him than anyone has ever been. He has his arm around her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. I have never seen him like this. She asks him if he wants to go into the VIP lounge and he says maybe later. She leaves.

Tia asks if she can sit with us. She's cute. She's kind of fun to talk to. She seems real. I like that. We reject her dance and she takes it well. Good girl.

I wonder where these chicks get their crazy outfits.

Georgia finally comes back and takes him to the back room. I sit there by myself. Vulnerable. Watching the dancers. Studying their moves. There is less dancing than I would have expected. The strippers we see in movies always defend themselves by calling themselves dancers. I expected this was because they actually did some dancing. The ones I saw just stood there and swayed around and tried to be sexy. I don't know. I wasn't really impressed. When I strip, I intend to put on a show. That's just me.

Maude comes over. I think that's how you spell it. She pronounces it Mode. She's nice enough. She talks about how it's a slow night. (It's Tuesday). I reject her.

Bianca. I like Bianca. She's super bubbly. We get along fine. She says weeknights are generally busier than weekends. The reason for this is because there are many hotels on that street and all the business men in town on conferences usually arrive on Tuesday and have nothing to do so they go to the strip joint. She asks if she can liven up my night for me. I laugh and say no.

A quiet talker, whom my friend had warned me about, comes up to me, doesn't sit down, asks straight out if I want a dance. I say no, she leaves.

I saw August dance when I first came in. She sits next to me and points out that she saw me sitting there and that I had a friend with me. "He's in the back with Georgia." "Oh that's good." We talked about the girl on stage. She likes her boots but couldn't dance on them. She has to wear super tall heals so that she can reach the ceiling so that she has something to hold to otherwise she'd fall. I think back to my fantasy of the falling strippers many years ago. August thinks the girl on stage might be new because she's never seen her there before. August has been working there for three years. Maybe she doesn't recognize the new girl because August is used to working days. She says she still makes her money because the club is right in the heart of the business center where all the government buildings are. She gets the lunch crowd. That's cool. I reject her, but I feel bad about it. Weird how I almost felt like taking her (as well as Bianca and Tia) to the the back just so I could keep talking to her.

My friend comes back and is paying Georgia. He paid sixty dollars for three songs. He and Georgia talked about me. They talked about how she's a single mother who lives with her parents. Like me, she moved back home to get back on her feet.

It was really freaky seeing my awkward friend be so confidant at this joint. He was so sure of himself and dealt with the girls as if he were some stud. He's not like that at all in the real world.

I realized that a big part of these girls' job is to make men comfortable. You can try and be flirty and fake like Chanel but that won't get the men to buy a dance from you. Maybe it works for some guys but not for me. You can be direct like the quiet talker, but that approach is cold. It's the girls like Georgia, August, Bianca and Tia that I'm sure make the most money. My friend goes to Georgia because she talks to him, she listens to him. Something no one else in his life does. Those girls act genuinely interested in their patrons. They're approachable and personable. It was interesting to see all these different tactics and the reactions they got.

I walked out of that club believing that I could do this. If it's possible to weed out the weirdos, it could even be a good time, and I very well could learn something. If anything, it's a great social study. Their role is almost more of therapist than dancer or temptress. It's something I think I might like to explore.

The Word Of Your Body (Spring Awakening)

I've been pretty disappointed with the state of my body these days. I was videotaping myself masturbating this morning (yes, I do that, I'm THAT vain!) and was not too happy with what I saw played back on the screen. I'm so loose. I mean, I'm still a skinny little rabbit, but like, I'm loose. I should have a tight skinny body. Watching myself dance in the mirrors in the rehearsal hall, I see long, gangly arms, round shoulders, a belly and no pecs. I want baby muscles on my arms and baby pecs and a flat stomach. I don't want to look perfect, I just want too look good naked. I desperately want to join a gym, but I seriously am not going to do myself any good without a trainer. Does Princesse Alathariel's gay crush still work at Goodlife? I want him to do to me what he did to himself. Girlfriend's looking good. I want to look good. Naked.

Think Big (jon & jen)

A friend of mine was telling me I should apply to work in some sexy position for Club Monaco in New York, and could get a Visa that way. I looked into it and then looked into other jobs and realized that I lack experience and a degree. Then I started to get depressed and freaked out that I need to go back to school for four years and not be able to be successful until my mid thirties. Then I realized, fuck, I'm an actor. Why do I want a real job? I'm a fucking actor.

Let It Go (The Full Monty)

Would you judge me if I take up stripping when I move to Toronto this summer? I really need the money and think I could have a lot of fun dancing on the stage. As for the private dances, I'm not un-turned on by the idea. I wonder if I'd get myself into any trouble. You're judging me, aren't you?

Bright Lights, Big City (Bright Lights, Big City)

Ok, so I had a fucking blast in New York last week. Here are some highlights.

Day 1 - Back In The City (Bright Lights, Big City)

I arrive and take a cab to DansyAnsyPansy's workplace. We walk up Tribeca to SoHo where we stop at a cute little place to eat and admire all the fucking hot people in this town. Damn. We go see Spring Awakening. I like it. It wasn't the phenomenal show I've heard so much about. The acting was week. The voices were amazing. I enjoyed the staging, but Pants didn't and I understand her points. The fat girl with glasses sitting on stage trying to ignore the performers around her gave us a good laugh. I was disappointed to find out they reduced all the gay sex to one comedic kissing scene. But I found the music neat. It has Randolph written all over it. The "lyrical" choreography was ridiculous and unnecessary. The soundtrack is addictive.

Day 2 - Stay In My Life (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went on a date to see Company. They auctioned off the kazoo that the love of my life, Raul Esparza, played on stage during Side By Side By Side for Equity Fights AIDS. I won the bidding and was brought backstage where I entered an office and found the adorable Raul sitting behind a desk in his little Bobby suit. He shook my hand and I believe the first thing I said was "I'm in love with you." The kazoo was signed and in a ziplock bag, and he signed my program and I made him hug me and pose for a picture. He's so lovely and I'm going to marry him one day. Other things I did that day were go see The View where The Pirate Queen performed and the entire audience got free tickets except for me because I was VIP. Isn't that backwards? I also went on a date with a neurotic and unattractive Jew with a Brooklyn accent who called me hot when I said "Eh." Nothing happened, except that he gave me some NYC condoms.

Day 3 - Wednesday (Bright Lights, Big City)

Curtains was the tightest show I saw. So happy to see Kander and Ebb finally have a hit musical again. Especially since it's their last. It was funny, entertaining from start to finish, strong performances, just good fun. Then I went to see Angela Lansbury and Marian Seldes in Deuce. I was going to see Audra McDonald in 110 In The Shade, but figured two old legends are better than one young one, so I chose that. The play wasn't great, but they totally stuttered through the show as they tried to keep track of their lines. That was fun to watch. I love live theatre. I did not love their costar. He sucked. I believe he is a graduate of the Lindsay Kramer School of Acting. Three seats over from me was a total cutie I made eye contact and smiles with. I wanted to ask him out after the show but I had to poo. It's the biggest regret of my life.

Day 4 - Heart and Soul (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to see Regis and Kelly and damn that chick is hilarious! Neenia and that other girl arrived and we were fabulous on the west side, recreating Carrie and Berger's first date. Went to see A Chorus Line and were all very disappointed. Neenia wondered aloud why there were no BGs in that production. I wondered the same thing. We then headed to the free Rufus concert that Bedroom Prince has told us about, and I met up with my next date there. Everything was very confusing at the club. And then slightly boring. We left before Rufus arrived. My date took me to his neighbourhood (Chelsea) and to a dinner that he often frequents. He warned me as we entered that he's there so much they know his name. It was super cute. They came over to comment on how his menu was open for the first time in forever. I loved seeing how he had found a little bit of comfort in the big city. We talked about a wide variety of topics and the conversation was never uneasy or awkward. He was super sweet. He told me his coming out story. His father was the first one to approach him about it when he was 23 and told him that he fully supports him no matter what. I couldn't help myself, my eyes started to tear up. The way he told me that, with such love for his family, ugh! I love his family and I don't even know them. Maybe it's because he's a therapist, but I felt like I could tell him anything. He then walked me to the subway and I hugged him goodbye. No moves. He has a weird tooth thing. I like slight flaws in teeth, so I like the big gap between his two front teeth, but there was something funky happening with one tooth in particular, but I couldn't stare long enough to find out.

Day 5 - Are You Still Holding My Hand? (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to Greenwhich Village and SoHo with Neenia and that other girl, and then saw Spelling Bee, which was good, but not absolutely fabulous, like I was expecting. The I Will Be Loved Tonight girl from I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change girl was playing Rona so that was neat. She was really good.

Day 6 - Perfect Feeling (Bright Lights, Big City)

Went to Central Park with Neenia and that other girl. It was the most beautiful day in the world. In the world. Most beautiful. A dancing french baby who fell on her face made it even more perfect. Then I went to see my girl Fantastia in The Colour Purple (I refuse to type Color), and holy fuck was that an amazing end to my trip. The entire audience was black. Mostly women. It was fucking incredible the way this audience responded to the show. They were hooting and hollering, and in a good way. Not heckling. Just fucking having a fabulous time and not afraid to hide it. Fantasia kicked ass and during her big solo at the end, from the beginning of the number they were verbally supporting her and sitting forward in their seats, just offering the kind of energy most actors dream an audience would give. It was a fantastic feeling. They were giving their homegirl love and she was giving it right back. By the end they were up out of their seats. It was nutty, I tell you. I came home and told everyone in my show that we need to fill our audience with black people and recast with black people and we'll have a great show no matter what.

Albert misses Wanda.

I'm A Brass Band (Sweet Charity)

My situation changed slightly for the better in a matter of a half hour this afternoon. At 2pm, I went to the bank and met with someone about a loan. I met with him last year to ask for ten thousand dollars and was denied. I'm back this year asking for three thousand and was approved. Therefore, my asshole MasterCard is now officially closed bitches! My HBC credit card, back to zero, bitches! My $1000 overdraft reset, bitches! My Visa, empty and ready to use in NYC, bitches! So then I go next door to the tax place, hand the chick my T-4s, and boom, ten minutes later I'm getting back just over $300. Wait? What? That's it? I'm used to getting back at least $800. Oh well, at least I don't owe anything. Nigger feels good. Hopefully I don't spend much money on my trip. Why is it snowing? I'm supposed to be making money on the patio. Fucking global warming.

A Miracle Would Happen (The Last Five Years)

Someone has been sending me Facebook messages asking me to move into her room in Toronto in May. I can't because I'm doing two shows in June. The offer still stands for July and August. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm here, miserable, but almost debt-free and ready to start saving so that I can move to New York for two or three months and then go to Montreal, maybe permanently, which I'm very excited about. However I'm so miserable, so miserable in this house, that I might just fucking do it. I could quit Hard Rock here, go back to Hard Rock there, get a second job at Lucky Brand Jeans which my friend and former Roots manager runs, make a shit load of money, and I get to live with Bedroom Prince and Neenia! That sounds nice. It sounds very very very nice. But is it worth paying rent? Would I then be stuck in Toronto and not end up ever going to New York or Montreal, which I'm very excited about? If I don't go, I run the risk of postponing my move out of Ottawa, which I've already done countless times. I hate life here. Goodness me, I think I should do it. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm going to eat cereal.

Trouble In His Brain (A New Brain)

Not only do I not feel like blogging, but I never know what to say on your blogs anymore.

So what's happening with me. I'm in rehearsals for two shows. Both of which are going to suck balls. One I'm doing as a favour for a very young friend who kind of inspires me, and the other I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing. It's a piece of shit. I'm ashamed and for the first time ever, I don't care if anyone comes to see it, and I'd kind of rather they didn't. I mean, I'm going to rock the shit out of it, but I'm not in enough of it to save the rest of the show.

My parents drive me crazy. What else is knew? I'm slowly dying here and I am counting the days until I get out. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing in the fall. I don't want to move back to Toronto anymore. When I was back there last time, I was telling everyone that I was moving back for sure, but by the time I left I really felt that I was done with that city. The only thing that will take me back is probably if I decide to pursue Second City. Vancouver was the reason I left in the first place but I'm just not feeling it. My plan at the moment is move to New York for a few months, until they kick me out, and if I can't get work by that time, I'm moving to Montreal. If I don't end up going to New York, I'll probably just go to straight to Montreal. I love that city, and I haven't lived there yet, so I think I'll give it a shot.

I want to give up on singing and dancing. I'll never be a dancer. That's old news. I don't have the passion for singing to make myself get better. I don't think I'm going to get anywhere in musical theatre. I'm going to try stand up this summer and see how that goes. If I succeed, then Montreal would be the perfect place to go. Ottawa has, what many comedians actually say is the best comedy club in Canada. There's always a full audience. Who knew Ottawa supported anything?

I'm sick of the people I'm close with. I mean the people I've been spending too much time with. I need a change. I'm not satisfied with the personal relationships I have at this point. It's time for a turnover. I haven't answered my phone today because I don't want to talk to anyone. I should clean my room. I should do my taxes.

I'm still very attracted to myself but I'm none too please with the way my body is looking these days. I definitely need to hit the gym. I don't want to go to the gym. That's a conflict. I get bored of my clothes very quickly. I want to wear items only once and never again, just like they do on TV. Y&R has had me glued to the television set for the past few months. That's nice.

I'm not healthy. I don't eat well. I barely eat. Does that make me anorexic? I don't think I have an eating disorder because I don't not eat out of wanting to be thin, I don't eat out of laziness. I never wake up early enough to have breakfast and then I go to work and run around all day and don't eat until I get home which is dinner time. Then I'll either not eat until the next day, or I'll go get McDonalds or order pizza sometime around midnight. Why am I killing myself this way? This may sound backwards but I'd be eating more if I didn't live at home. I know there's food waiting for me at home so I don't eat at work after my shift. I get home, wait a couple of hours for a meal that I don't like, barely eat it, and then don't have seconds because I hate home cooked meals. I'm disgusting. I disgust myself.

I absolutely cannot wait until April 16th when I go to New York. I can't wait to stay with DansyAntsyPantsy and see seven shows in six days. I can't wait to see Neenia and that other girl on April 19th. I can't wait to get out of Ottawa and these people. I worry that DansyAntsyPantsy is going to grow tired of me and that I'm going to be a nuisance in her home. Six days is a long time.

Look at me, I wrote a new blog.

No More (See What I Wanna See)

Is anyone else getting bored of blogging?

They Say It's Wonderful (Annie Get Your Gun)

I blogged about this a few months ago, just before I decided to start dating myself, but I'll say it again because the feelings are back. I'm lonely. I'm ready to be in a relationship. I see so many great people in great relationships and I can't seem to ever meet anyone that I like who likes me. It's always the other way around. I can have any guy (or fag hag) in town as long as I'm not attracted to them. That's not fair. It's kind of depressing. It may also be my fault since I never really put myself out there. I always tell my lovelorn friends that when they stop looking for love it'll find them. And I'm always right about them. I haven't been looking at all. Why hasn't it found me yet?! I'M NOT LOOKING! FIND ME! LOVE?! I flirted with a hot black guy a couple of weeks ago, so I guess that's progress.

I'm so longing for that perfect companion that it's hard for me to watch good tv shows because I end up falling in love with the characters. I watched two seasons of Entourage and fell in love with Vincent Chase. Watching the show was unbearable because I could not stop imagining him gazing at me with his beautiful green eyes, kissing me with those lovely lips that form a winning smile, and running my hands all over his perfectly average naked body. Then I moved on to Tales Of The City and fell hard for the recast Michael in the second part of the miniseries. With his dark curly hair, piercing blue eyes, honest smile and gorgeous hairy chest... I was checking out the actor's bio and found out he lives in Montreal, but when I read that he's from Ottawa my heart went a-flutter. Is that weird? I just started Grey's Anatomy season one and am trying not to kill myself over McDreamy. And don't get me started on all the Sex And The City guys, especially Steve.

I think I may need to meet real people.

Hard To Be A Prince (Rags)

Not attractive. Older than me but under thirty. Shorter than me. Not anyone I'd take out in public or have meet my friends. Calls me "bro" and "dude" which I hate and point out everytime. Text messages me all the time. MSN Messengers me everytime I unblock him. Always asks me out. Always rejected. Is persistent. Is so into me for some reason. Takes my abuse with a grain of salt. Smiles, laughs it off. I'm not very nice to him and never apologize. Touches me the way I love to be touched. Has chapped lips. Respects my boundaries. Inflates my ego.

The Cell Phone Song (Brownstone)

Hey Skinny

For some off reason, I thought of u today, wanted to say hello

Hi.

What's up bro

Nothing.

Typical : )

We should

We should what?

Lol, we should chill, u know u want to:))

Even if I did, I already have plans for tonight.

Oh, well, my loss skinny

Sowwy.

Lol

Its all good

Ill bother ya soon

I don't doubt it.
U actually made me laugh

Dude, honestly, if I'm bothering ya, let me know:)

Meh.

(10 minutes later...)

Keep texting me, I'm bored right now.

Haha

All I can say is that I'd like to see ya and hopefully we can

I'm a good guy, as u know

Everytime you tell me you're a good guy I trust you a little less.

I'm a good guy:)

Minus one point.

Ahh, come on

Ok, I'm a fuckn douche bag:)

Sweet.

And you're one as well:)))

You're such a charmer.

U met me, u have you're impressions;)

Kinda.

Well, that settles it:) Hey, let me know when your not bored

You're not consistent with you (your) and (you're)

Hey

Ill sing a song for you if we meet

A song you wrote?

Yes, of course

Did you write it for me?

Yes and no:)

I am talented u know

Do you play guitar?

I play piano and key board

Really? I'm impressed. Do you own a keyboard?

I used to, I'm in process of buying one, a korg

Lovely.

Ya man, I hope u are impressed

I am. Musicianship is sexy.

Dude I'd love to play for ya

You mean piano right?

Hahaha, yes, lol, I honestly would, I am impress with you and think you're decent

You don't really know me.

Oh ya, true, does that mean that my default position should be negative?????:))))

Who am I do say?

Oh well, I choose to be positive about you, so there!!!

I don't know how to feel about you.

Well, makes sense, and I respect your you're doubt, lol
Just don't dismiss me;)

I'm waiting to hear piano.

Dude, u would make my month if I could meet you at the Chateau Laurier for drinks and then play u some tunes on the grand piano

Are you buying?

Ya man, I'd like that, for real

You're allowed to play their piano?

Ya, they have a couple in the long hallways

I can't tonight.

Yes, I know, lol, I'm not askn for this eve skinny

I actually don't think I can say no to that.

I'd like that dude, if you're really interested I'd take ya to dinner as well at the chateau:))

How would you dress?

Casual, zoes is a nice place but one can dress down for sure, I've done it

You don't like to dress up?

I do everyday, lol, and u???

I like to look my best.

U didn't the first nite I met ya, hahah

Well, if we go to chateau, I'd follow you're lead, I don't mind lookn my best skinny

Different situation.

Actually, u looked awesome

I know I did.

I agree

Got any pictures of you dressed up?

I don't, but I look good

How can I believe you?

hahah, why wouldn't u, its me

That's exactly why. Haha.

Haha, dude, you're too funny, and cute

I am.

Oh I know, very cute dude

Would it bother you if I told you that the main thing that attracts me to you is that you're attracted to me?

Dude, I am attracted to you, when I met you, I liked u, u were cool and fun bro, and of course I'm not offended, what u said made me feel good man

You fascinate me.

U sarcastic bastard

It's true! You always spin a negative into a positive.

Thanks man

I'm An Ordinary Man (My Fair Lady)

I've noticed that every attractive gay man I meet in this city is coupled with another very attractive gay man. I asked my gal pal why this is. She replied that because there are so few good looking gay men in Ottawa they get snatched up really quickly. This makes sense. Does that make me ugly?

Laundry Quintet (Caroline, or Change)

It's been one week and three days since I've done a load of laundry and I still have enough socks, underpants, and clothes that I actually still like to last me the rest of the week. I somehow feel accomplished. But I'm thinking about doing laundry anyway.

The First Time (Zorba)

I just realized that this will be the first year ever in my life that I will not be doing my taxes as a student or a working actor. Does this mean that I'm a real person? Am I going to owe money instead of getting back the large sums I'm used to declaring? Help! I need to speak to an adult.

I Can't Be Bothered Now (Crazy For You)

I haven't had any action since September or October (can't remember which). I haven't even kissed anyone since December. And I'm okay with that. I turned down to offers from gentlemen callers this weekend. And I'm okay with that. I think I'm saving myself for something more. I'm not actively searching for that something more. But when it arrives, I'll loosen up again. Until then, I think I'm going to focus on writing my stand-up routine, conceiving a new one man show I recently decided to mount this summer, and getting started on that damn screenplay I've been thinking about for the last five years. You know, whichever comes first.

The Sun Has Got His Hat On (Me And My Girl)

Whatcha Got? (Zanna, Don't!)

I'd like to preface this by saying that this is the last time I am allowed to blog from the original blogger. My next entry will be as a Google Blogger. I'm not looking forward to that and resent lots of people for this. I did not like Neenia's reaction to having to switch over and have been afraid to blog ever since. But what I have to say needs to be said. Okay, so they're not actually my words, but you need to hear them.

We're all artists and we all have our own personal struggles with our craft. There's a fantastic song from my new favourite musical called [title of show] that has been affecting me. I was at a pub with a friend of mine who is a writer/producer/director and had her listen to the song. She's not much of a musical theatre affectionado, but I did take her to see Rent and she bought the movie soundtrack thereafter (a small step, but a step none-the-less). She may even know Les Miz, I'm not too sure, and I don't really care. The point is after I played her that song she went out and purchased the CD. It's that fabulous. I also played it for Neenia but I had to leave the room because ever since Princesse Alathariel told me that she hates when someone plays her a song because they just sit and watch your reaction and you're forced to react on the spot to show them you like it, I've never been able to recommend music the same. She loved it too. It makes me think of ya'll. I can see Neenia writing a blog like it. I can imagine Bedroom Prince discussing it. I can picture Arts Monkey performing it. I can feel Princesse Alathariel taking it all in. I can hope Dansy Antsy Pantsy gets to inspired by it she goes out on an audition the next day. I can even bet that Gilbert's Girl is ready this and saying "YES!" And here it is. I hope it changes your life.

Die Vampire, Die (music and lyrics by Jeff Bowen, performed by Susan Blackwell and company)

There are some people in the world who say that writing stories or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them; nothing interferes with their ability to create. While I celebrate their creative freedom, a little part of me wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth. This song, I sing this song for you guys, and for all the rest of us. Help me out, ya'll.

We'll sing backup.

You have a story to tell
A novel you keep in a drawer.

Old sock drawer.

You have a painting to paint,
But you're lazy like an old french whore.

Je suis whore!

You have a movie to make,
Shrinky dunks you can bake,
But you best grad a stake 'cause
In sweep the vampires,
In creep the vampires,
Knee deep in vampires,
Filling you with
Doubt, insecurity
'Bout what your art should be,
In sweep the vampires,
Die vampire!

You sketched that turtle you saw
In an ad on late night cable TV.

Tippy Turtle!

But your 4th grade teacher said "You can't draw!"
Oh, those vampires won't let you be.

Fuck you Miss Johnson! Word.

And when they come run like hell
See those bats in your bel-
fry. Then call on Van Helsing,

In swoosh the vampires,
in whoosh the vampires,
Baba ganoush. All the vampires,
Filling you with thoughts of self-consciousness,
Feelings of worthlessness,
They'll make you second-guess,
Die vampire!

There are so many vampires
Inside, outside and nationwide.
It helps to recognize them
With this vampire hunting guide!

Listen closely, a vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self expression, but they can assume many seductive forms. Here's a few of them.

Tell us, Susan!

First up is your Pigmy Vampire. They'll swarm around your head like gnats, and say things like: "Your teeth need whitening." "You went to state school?" "You sound weird." "Shakespeare... Sondheim... and Sedaris... did it before you and better than you." Or they might say that you cannot sing good enough to be in a musical. Or they might say... "Your song's derivative." To keep that song from you, but you tell them... Die Vampire, Die!

Brothers and sisters, next up is the Air Freshener Vampire. She might look like your mama or your old fat-ass, fat Aunt Fanny. If she smells something unpleasant in what you're creating, she'll urge you to psssst it with some pine-fresh smell-em-ups. The Air Freshener Vampire doesn't want you to write about bad language, blood, or blow jobs. She wants you to clean it up and clean it out, which will leave your work toothless, gutless and crotchless. But you'll be left with two tight paragraphs on kittens that your grandma would be so proud of. You look at that Air Freshener Vampire in her fat-ass, fat old fucking face and you say "Morte, Vampir. Morte."

The last vampire is the mother of all vampires and that is the Vampire of Despair. It'll wake you up at 4am to say things like "Who do you think you're kidding?" "You look like a fool." "No matter how hard you try you'll never be good enough." Why is it, if some dude walked up to me on the subway and said these things, I would think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the vampire inside my head says it, it's the voice of reason?

You have a story to tell,
Pull your novel out of that sock drawer!
You have a painting to paint,
You best paint it and then paint some more!
Oh baby you must escape
Then grab it by the nape
Of its neck, by the trachea,
Fuckin' break it,
Go on drive the stake in,
Yeah there's not mistakin',
Now you're shakin' bakin'!

Die vampire, I said die vampire
I said now die vampire, die!

In fly the vampires.
Oh my, the vampires,
Then die the vampires,
Filling you with
Life, creativity,
All that your arts should be
Out go the vampires
Die Vampire, Die Vampire,
Die Vampire, DIE!

Simple (Nine)

I went to an audition for Wonderland yesterday and was cut. I didn't want it anyway, and I didn't mind being cut, but I think I was the only one who got cut and that's weird. It also meant I had to wait hours in the middle of nowhere for my friend who had to stay for the dance call. That was annoying. I hated the day. Then I met up with a friend at Yonge and St Clair pub where I ate fajitas. It was pretty dead and karaoke night. There was a small group who kept singing all the songs because, well, there was no one else there. This creepy dude who works there kept coming up to our table to ask us to sing but we weren't interested. Finally we decided to go over and I did my old karaoke standard All By Myself. They loved me and one girl asked me to sing Phantom Of The Opera with her. They dug that too.

It's funny how your day can just turn around like that. Those people were not the people I was trying to impress that day, but in the end their accolades mattered.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off just staying in Ottawa, getting a government job, and doing amateur theatre for the rest of my life. I honestly think I would be happy doing that. I'd have lots of money and I'd get to do all the shows I want. But then I remember that I'm not good at anything else and I need to be paid to perform. Also that there I cannot meet anyone in Ottawa that is not ugly, so the chances of me settling down there are unlikely. Also that I hate Ottawa and need to leave it now.

Disappear (The Secret Garden)

Being a closeted homo only to his father, and up until recently, entire family, I have become an expert in how to do all the dirty little things you want to do online (porn, blogging, what have you) without getting caught. All you have to do is delete your browsing history. Just go to tools, click option and delete history. Plain, simple, easy. It deletes any record of the addresses you've visited online from that skinny long rectangle where you type in addresses (what's it called?) Anyway, I do it everytime I use to computer. I don't need no one getting all up in my bid-niz. Have you blog address saved in your favourites? If you don't want someone to accidentally read it, get rid of it.

Choose To Be Happy (Grey Gardens)

I am SO not jumping on this "I'm depressed" bandwagon. Especially if we're blaming it on the weather. Fuck that. Snow is a miracle. I love it when it's cold outside. We get to bundle up, get red cheeks and noses, look fabulous in lovely sweaters, and then come home, put on our sweats and curl up in a warm blanket and watch TV. I'll take this weather over sweating for no reason in the hot summer days.

Stop being depressed! You live in New York/Switzerland/Toronto! You have a boyfriend! You're having sex! You're in a play! You're directing a play! You're hot! You have good friends! You have me!

*I wrote the title of this blog and then wrote the blog and edited it. When I looked back up at the title just before publishing it, I saw that it read "Choose To Be Busy." Is that my brain telling me to stop being lazy?

When A Wooer Goes A-Wooing (The Yeomen Of The Guard)

Alright, alright, quit badgering me. I'll tell, I'll tell. But only in short form. I also have no idea what the title means. It's late. I'm a-tired.

He comes into the restaurant. Flirts with his server. Flirts with me. Massages his server. Massages me. Ends up massaging partons at surrounding tables. Other servers. Asks his server to ask me what I'm doing later. Wants to know when I'll be off work. Tells me he'll be at the club. I tell him I'll be there. I'm not that interested, but it was a good massage and I hate being massaged. I go to the club after work. See him. He's too far and hard to get to. I wait for the stupid drag queens to stop, for the dancing to begin. The drag act ends. The dancing begins. He's gone.

Later (A Little Night Music)

I'm too tired to blog right now. I'll tell you my story later. It's not that interesting.

I hope DansyAntsyPantsy's move to New York went well. Or is going well. Or is going to go well.

I can't effing wait to see you guys next weekish.

I may have used this title before, but my body's too tired to care and double check right now.

I Really Like Him (Man Of La Mancha)

I hate my father.

You're Getting To Be A Habit With Me (42nd Street)

Tonight I performed in the 2nd Annual Showtune Showdown. Teams of four from three local theatre companies came out to perform four numbers each and answer showtune trivia questions. We won two of the three showdown rounds. There was an audience round in which the winning audience member got to give their points to the group of their choice and they chose the eventual winners. That's pretty much what did us in. But otherwise we performed really well. I opened with the show with All The Wasted Time. My duet partner and I set the bar with our amazing performance. Not gonna lie. It was hot. We received 9 of 10 from each of the judges. I ended the evening with my amazing rendition of I Can't Do It Alone. I can't say my singing was spot on, but my dancing was effing sexual. I totally gave the audience a show, and got two 10s and a 9. Needless to say I ended the number in the splits. The best splits I've ever done in my life, no word of a lie. The black judge (got bless her, she was fabulous) just shook her head at me as if to say "Oh no you di-in't!" She said "Don't sing. Don't dance. Just do the splits."

Other news: I'm playing the love interest in the 100th anniversary musical we're doing. It's pretty much a cabaret. I'm in Steam Heat, I Hope I Get It (in which the lead notices me because I'm the best dancer - ha!), Summer Nights, which we sing together as Danny and Sandy, and my big number is Showstopper. I'm also dancing in like 10 other numbers. I can't wait. The lead used to sing with the girl who played Sophie in The Grace Of Mary Traverse. Weird, eh?

Also weird. Our Cabaret and MTP teacher is in town. We plan on getting together sometime next week to catch up. Apparently he's cleaned himself up. Hopefully.

First Letter/Second Letter/Third Letter (Passion)

Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre Last Night,

When you enter a ninety seat theatre and there are but nine other people waiting for the movie to start, please don't sit in the seat directly in front of mine. I have no problem with you sitting in the row directly in front of mine, but plopping your ass down one seat over would have made all the difference in the world. The movie has subtitles, and while I speak Spanish, the dialect from Spain is different than that from Mexico and Penelope Cruz's breasts are distracting, and your big head would have perfectly blocked them from my vision (the subtitles, not the breasts).

Sincerely,

Skinny-Rabbit

PS: The fact that you didn't even notice that I stood up and moved down the aisle proves to me that you are oblivious and shouldn't be allowed in public.


Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre Last Night Who Arrived After I Had Already Moved Down The Aisle,

There are eighty other seats to choose from in the room. So why did you think it would be a good idea to sit the aisle seat in the very row I was sitting in, henceforth blocking me in, setting up for an unfortunately awkward and uncomfortable situation in the event I need to get up and go to the washroom during the screening of the motion picture. Luckily for you I never get up during a movie, fatso.

Thank you for your time,

Skinny-Rabbit


Dear Movie Goer At The Theatre A Couple Of Weeks Ago,

You're there by yourself and I dig that. I do it too. I get that you're lonely and probably a big nerd. I'm not judging you based on the fact that you have no one to go to a movie with, because as I just said, I like to go to movies by myself as well. I judge you because you're loud and obnoxious and displayed a behaviour I have never seen before. If something makes you laugh, then by all means, laugh. Don't, however, being making commentary to yourself and go announcing out loud (very loudly) exactly why you found the humourous moments to be, well, humourous. You make me sick.

Love,

Skinny-Rabbit.

Hear My Song (Songs For A New World)

My voice is tired. So am I. Me thinks it's time to get back into singing lessons.

Why am I such a lazy bastard? I believe in myself, right? I have total confidence in my abilities, don't I? If I think I'm so great then how come I never submit myself for anything? A friend of mine who works for Stephanie Gorin told me to send my package and request an audition for the boss's grandson in Dirty Dancing. That was like two weeks ago and I've done nothing. A big part of this, and the same reason I never pursued an audition for We Will Rock You, and countless other open calls, is because I actually don't believe I'd get it. I have to sort out my priorities. Do I actually want to be a musical theatre performer? I'm thinking I should forget that dream and go fuck some shit up in the film world (but am I even a film actor?). I'm tired.

I'm also trying to break my five-year-plus writer's block. I just made the connection as I wrote that, that I recently just picked up a book that I dropped around the time I stopped writing. Maybe that's a sign. If I can finish the book, maybe then I can start writing again.

My New Philosophy (You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown)

It all began two years ago when my girl at work kept coming up to me and telling me that my boss wanted to see me in her office. She pulled this so often that it got to the point where I would just respond with a calm, cool, monotone "Ok. Perfect."

Now that we work together at the same restaurant again, but in Ottawa, it has become more. We've begun following up anything the other person says with the same unfazed "Ok. Perfect." Other variations include "Ok. Great." "Ok. Fantastic." "If you could just sign here..."

We've been doing this so much that it's actually crept into everyday conversation with other people, and is now pretty much a way of life. I'll drop salsa all over myself in front of customers at work and say "Ok. Perfect." Then move on. I'll be driving and a car will almost hit me but I'll swerve at the last minute avoiding a near-fatal collision and say "Ok. Great. Perfect."

The beauty of it is that it takes all the pressure off of a stressful situation. Just say those words as if they mean nothing and they'll mean so much. It's all good in the hood. Nothing to worry about. Life goes on. Perfect. If you could just sign here...

Make 'Em Laugh (Singin' In The Rain)

I love watching videos of people falling and this one may just be the best I've ever seen. Reasons why I think this video is special:



a) The unsuspecting fall victim thinks she's so cute right before she falls. She tries to be sneaky and funny, but she ends up just fucking herself over.

b) The poor woman next to her with no obvious personality just stands there with no apparent reaction for a good two seconds.

c) The anchors who clearly want to bust a gust laughing but struggle to maintain their composure because they are on live television. I don't know if the female anchor could have held out much longer. She almost let out a laugh. Props to them. If it were me I would be doubled over in a fit of laughter and would probably have been fired that day.

I'm Not That Girl (Wicked)

I'm obsessed with Miranda. I want to be her so badly. I keep finding myself in her. I was watching the episodes when she first meets Steve. He playfully comes on to her, she's a bitch to him, they go to bed together, she's a bitch to him, he loves it... There's this guy who kept wanting to get with me and I was the biggest asshole to him. I kept rejecting him, and he kept persisting, no matter how mean I was to him, he knew I saw in me what Steve saw in Miranda. I finally agreed to meet him and we made out and it was nice but he was ugly and had bad teeth. But his personality was totally cute and Steve-like. I kept cutting him down and he smiled the whole way through, just like Miranda does. Now he keeps texting me and I don't return the texts, but he doesn't seem to be giving up on me. Maybe he thinks we'll have a baby after he gets testicular cancer and then get married in Season 6 and move to Brooklyn. Maybe.

My friend who's dating five guys is after this new guy named Steve, who's a bartender at the Royal Oak. We keep going in to see him and there's this short-haired redhead who works with him and we call her Miranda, and he's totally Steve.

I'm not only obsessed with Miranda, I'm obsessed with the entire show. I have two friends who have kept their hair long their entire lives and have recently cut their hair short. I call them both Season 5 Carrie.

I need to stop. Someone please come take away my DVDs. Is there a 12-step program for people like me? Someone please! I'm BEGGING YOU!

Happy New Year (Rent)

So I don't want to call the following my new years resolutions. Just things I plan to do in the next little while. Ugh.

Become a morning person by sleeping at decent hours and waking up early enough so that I can have breakfast and work out to the dance class in Centre Stage.

Exercise to more than the dance class in Centre Stage.

Kill the last $4000 off my debt.

Save at least $4000 more.

whiten teeth.

Get that $200 prescription filled out.

Get an STD test.

Get new headshots, a haircut, more headshots.

Get the fuck out of Ottawa.

How's Your Romance? (The Gay Divorce)

I think I'm lonely. I want.

I've never been interested in a relationship before. Well, I've definitely been interested but I never sought one out just for the sake of being in one. I was never taken with the idea of being someone's other half. I rejected everyone's notions of searching for love. And in a way I still do. But I think I'm ready now. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I finally watched season 6 of Sex And The City and all the girls ended up with someone, even though some of them have convinced me in other seasons that it's fabulous to be single.

It could be because I fell hard for someone a couple of months ago, giving me a taste of what it would be like to be in love. I don't even have any clear thoughts on this topic. What I really want is to already be in a seven year relationship. I want to be comfortable and with someone I know inside out, and who knows me inside out. I don't want to date. I just want to be there. Ugh. I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm not satisfying Myself as much as I thought I was. We hardly masturbate anymore.

Never Try To Bind Me (The Vagabond King)

I kept telling my father that I'll speak to him the way he speaks to his family. He doesn't listen and constantly blows up at me for treating him with the same respect he shows me. So now I don't talk to him at all except to tell him not to talk to me. This morning he told me to go to Hell.

My mother passed along some words from my uncle in Mexico tonight regarding my sexuality. I should be very careful and watch myself, and that I should never tell anyone. Sometimes, and I guess I am going to Hell now for thinking this, but I sometimes can't wait for them to die so that I no longer have to worry about what they think. I hate living under them that much. I'm an awful human being. But unsupportive parents equals better off on my own.

My sister is flying in from Hong Kong tomorrow and my brother gave his girlfriend the ring.

This is going to be an interesting Christmas holiday.

Who Do You Think You Are? (The Wiz)

I don't understand why certain people feel they have the right to jump into other people's pictures. If I ever see a picture being taken in my vicinity, I respectfully stand back unless invited into the photoshoot. On my long list of pet peeves is those idiots who decide to make an appearance in photos they should never have been a part of. Especially when it's someone that you're not actually friends with and especially when that someone completely ruins the picture. Smarten up, you morons!

When I Get My Name In Lights (The Boy From Oz)

But not just yet. Ottawa, I can't wait to leave you for bigger and better things. For now, though, while I still have less than half the debt I returned with to pay off, I'm going to enjoy being a local superstar. I'm a pretty big deal around Orpheus Musical Theatre Society, I'm not going to lie. When I came back to town and auditioned for Victor/Victoria last March, I blew them away. I beat out many hopeful ladies to become the Jazz Singer, which I have been told was one of the most memorable moments of the show. Then came time for Beauty and The Beast, when I auditioned for a lead, but got offered a small lead and dance chorus, because they really needed me to dance. I made the demand of being kept busy, and being the focal point of the dance numbers, front stage center. I ended up with five parts including the alpha wolf, and the gargoyle in addition to my roles as dancer and Monsieur D'Arque, AND I was the main attraction of most of the dance numbers.

The next show is Guys and Dolls. I didn't audition. I needed a break. I hate the show. But I LOVE the directing team. The two choreographers are friends of mine, the musical director and I go way back and she's still mad at me for not auditioning. The director is a legend that I had the pleasure of working with briefly in Kiss Me Kate five years ago. He played the random character of Harrison Howell, and was pretty much never needed at rehearsals so he never really associated with the rest of the cast. Right before he makes his entrance, my character came into the scene to introduce him. We would stand together in the dark wings waiting to go on, and interacted mildly. On both opening and closing nights he gave me a card telling me how I made him feel comfortable every night before going on stage. It was sweet. He's a sweet old fella. During Beauty and The Beast, he showed up at one of our tech rehearsals. I've often thought about how much I'd like to work with him again, but I haven't seen him in five years. I suspected he'd have no idea who I was anymore. He did. As soon as he saw me he called out my name and introduced me to his wife. She said "Is he the one that you emailed when he came back to town." I was touched, but disappointed because I never got the email. How did he know I was in town. I told him I'd love to audition for Guys and Dolls, but I wasn't going to.

Fast forward to the present. A friend of mine who's playing Nicely Nicely and has been begging me to do the show told me that the dude who plays Benny hasn't shown up to one rehearsal and if he gets kicked out, he's suggesting they cast me. This Benny character played Eddie in Mamma Mia in Toronto. He's amazingly talented and a nice guy to your face, but he's a total diva. During West Side Story last year, he was cast as Riff but told the directors he wasn't going to show up for rehearsals until half way through the process, which was fine at first, but when he started flaking, they had to replace him. I went to bar night at Orpheus tonight (weekly cast party thing), where the musical director gave me flack again for not auditioning, and the director told me that if I want they'd still fit me into the show. I explained to him that I was happy to be on a break now and that I have some stuff coming up in the new year. What I didn't mention was that I would cover Benny if that dude is on the outs. So I discretely informed on of the choreographers to pass along that if they kicked him out, that I would do the show. It's pretty likely that things are going to go this way. So looks like I'm doing a show in March.

The director of the next show after that found out that I was staying in town until summer and asked me to audition for the show, enticing me with Steam Heat (it's not The Pajama Game, it's a musical revue for their 100th anniversary). So I'm feeling in a good position in this town.

I really wish the real world were like this. I wish everyone in professional theatre land thought I was the most amazingly talented person in the world and begged me to do shows, even without auditioning. Why can't Ottawa have good paying musical theatre? Everyone's saying that I'm headed for Broadway and that I'm a triple threat, but realistically, yes, I'm a singing and dancing actor like this city has never seen, but I'm out-sung and out-danced at professional auditions. I hate that. Why can't I be as amazing as everyone thinks I am? Mind you, a big part of my appeal here is that I give my all at rehearsal and make sure to be pleasant to everyone, so that they fall in love with me. This can also work in the paying world, but I have to have the talent to back it up. I hate this vicious cycle.

Good 'N' Evil (Jeckyll & Hyde)

I met another guy tonight that the same friend is sleeping with. That's two of five. She's got five relationships going on at the same time. Most of them know about each other. She has great sex with them all and some mean more to her than others. It was kind of trippy to see her with two different guys, two nights in a row, acting the exact same way with both of them. It's funny, because, like her, it's so hard for me to decide which one I like better. I meet one and I'm like, oh yeah, he should be the only one. And then I meet the other and think, oh yeah, he should be the only one. It's a tough life she must be leading.

I on the other hand have been dating Myself exclusively and have gone celibate. Yes, I've even stopped touching myself. Well, at least to the point of ejaculation. Mostly because we're trying to make this relationship work, and since before it was mostly based on sex - well, handjobs - we're going for a deeper connection.

I think it's super cool that I'm dating only Myself and sleeping with no one, and she is dating and sleeping with five different men. This is so Sex And The City.

Comedy Tonight (A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum)

A friend of mine is sleeping with a famous Toronto comedian who comes to town every now and then, so we went to a comedy club tonight to check out his act. Before he went on, I asked him if I heckled him, if he could call me a nigger. I think he likes me. Anyway, while watching all these comedians go up there to do their schtick, all I could do was write my own material. It's weird, how when I watch a movie or a theatrical production of sorts, no matter how brilliant it is, actually especially if it's brilliant and inspiring, my mind always manages to wander to my career and my potential. So tonight, I decided that as soon as I have the time, I'm going to check out an amateur night and hit it up the next week. I've got a great bit about poo that the audience is just going to LOVE!

(*side note*, I one time saw a movie that was truly terrible, but so terrible that it was upsetting. I walked out of the theatre realizing that my mind never once wandered. It was not inspiring.)

Gorgeous (The Apple Tree)

I really want to look good naked (you know, to please Myself... and myself) but I'm so lazy/poor/lazy/unwilling to work for it that it's never going to happen. Sucks. I also saw the Sex And The City Box Set at HMV for the low, low price of $199 and it's taking all my energy to not drop my Visa on it today.

Le Jazz Hot (Victor/Victoria)

So watching this now, I realize that I wish I had been able to film myself during rehearsals to see where I needed fixing. I'm none too pleased with my singing chops AND that fan kick was disgusting! But I'm still the hotness. Watch!



(this video was filmed illegally from the wings on closing night. The person filming was holding the camera, wrapped in a long black glove, and wasn't looking through the lense, she was just pointing and shooting randomly. I think she did an amazing fucking job of following me blindly!)

Reviewing The Situation (Oliver!)

Things are going great between me and Myself. We stayed in bed all morning, went for a hair cut, went to a dance class, watched a movie. I even rearranged my entire bedroom in order to accommodate Myself, so that it would feel more like "our" room. So I took Myself to the salon, and was disappointed for two reasons. The first being that I had asked to keep the length, but reduce the bulk. Now I feel like I have none of the length and all of the bulk. Myself insists that I still look sexy, which is reassuring. The other reason is that the shampoo boy nearly gave me an erection, the way he was massaging my head so perfectly when he was conditioning my hair. I have never had such a seductive shampooing in my life. Instead of tipping him I wanted to make out with him. Now I feel bad for wanting to cheat on Myself, but is making out really cheating?

A Fine Catch (Johnny Belinda)

I've decided to start dating myself. We're taking it slow for now. I mean, even though we've known each other practically all our lives, the decision to take the relationship to the next level is a new one. Oh, sure, we've always been very fond of each other, and we've been booty calling each other since puberty, but it's time for romance. I took myself out to the movies this afternoon after work, but there was nothing good playing at my favourite movie theatre, so instead, I decided to pamper myself by making an appointment at the salon tomorrow. I'm also going to take myself to a dance class tomorrow night. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Just hope I don't talk too much.

I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair (South Pacific)

My two step program to getting over someone.

Step 1: Stay away from them. Only speak when spoken to. Make it brief. Pretend you don't care. Eventually you will start to believe yourself.

Step 2: Focus on their faults. The carpet's negative attitude, which originally turned me on, has of late turned me off so badly that I've become to only think negative thoughts about him. Phew.

So that's it. I like him a lot less. Good times. Still cute, though. Just losing lots of points in the personality department, and that's huge.

So the show is over. I'm not going through post-show withdrawl. It's nice. I'm sleeping lots.

Here are some backstage photos because I don't have any show photos yet.

I've noticed that I've stopped writing in all capitals and have been writing in all miniscules. I wonder what that's a reflection of.

The Internet Is For Porn (Avenue Q)

Beauty and The Beast is going fabulously, but I can't wait for it to be over. I'll have pictures soon. In the meantime, I've JUST finished editing a backstage film I made during Victor/Victoria. I have the tail end here for you to see because I'm VERY proud of it! And when you're done watching that, watch the video below it. It's probably my favourite sex video on XTube.com. I wish I had a wide vagina just like that girl so that I could take his massive... ok, shut up and watch and drool and get wet.

Move [You're Stepping On My Heart] (Dreamgirls)

I can't even write this because I'm going to start crying. The news she had for me was that the carpet kissed the cupcake. This bothered me not when I heard it because I figured it was just a random attempt to pretend he's straight. He's been pretending to like this girl for a year now but he always knew that she's carrying a lot of baggage, and I knew she had a crush on him, but she knows that he's a mo. So why did it kill me tonight to see him with his arm around her at the restaurant after the show? I don't know what to think anymore. I seriously, do not mind closet cases, especially young ones. I don't think it's my business when or how they come out, which is why I haven't poured my heart out to him yet. But a closet case who takes on a girlfriend is the worst kind. It's the J.B. kind and I hate that because I feel like they're using another human being and, in a way, ruining that girl's life. She's already been fucked up by one guy, she doesn't need another. I'm trying to get over this fucker but my heart won't let me. I hate this!!!!!! This isn't how my life is supposed to work. I need to break down and cry about it sometime soon so I can finally move on. I feel like my life is on hold until I get over this. I'm going to have to cut him out of my life after this show until we get to work on our next project, which I'm no longer looking forward to. Ugh. UGH!

I Want To Know (Big)

A) She told me last night that she was going to call me today because she had something to tell me. What could it be? Hopefully it's about the carpet. She's best friends with him. I called her today and she said she had to call me back. I'm waiting patiently. Wetting myself.

B) Why is my face getting worst? Is the hydrocortizone I'm using detrimental? I think maybe 1% is too high and I should be using .5% or something. Why did it have to happen on the day when my doctor's office closes early, forcing me to go to the stupid medical clinic, which always gets it wrong? Am I going to have to live with rashy redness on my face (especially around my eye) forever?

C) The reviewers came last night. Did I make enough of an impact with my small character to get a mention? Will the mention be positive?

D) Will the smoke ever cover up Belle and The Beast so that the transformation can happen out of view of the audience, or is the audience going to have to sit there every night as the smoke comes in slowly from each side, rise in the middle where The Beast is lying, and see Belle help him remove his mask and gloves and wig and hand them to the hidden stage hands?

If A Girl Isn't Pretty (Funny Girl)

I have been disfigured. I look like the Phantom of the Opera. On Monday night we tried putting on my gargoyle mask with spirit gum. We tried it on just one side to see if it would work. It didn't. Tuesday, I noticed some redness on that side of my face, but figured I had just slept too hard on it. Wednesday morning I woke up and my right eye was swollen and the entire right side of my face had broken out into a rash. I went to see a doctor and got a prescription for some cream. Sometimes I think it's getting better, but sometimes it looks like it's not. My ear is getting pretty bad. I don't like this. I feel less beautiful. I feel like Brittany on The Young And The Restless when she got electrocuted by the stripper pole that someone had rigged to kill her, scarring her face and destroying her self esteem. Except that my self esteem is still intact. I actually feel kind of cool. I think scars give character, and if I'm anything it's a character. And this isn't going to scar (hopefully), I just want it to stop itching.

It's opening night tonight and I'm effing pumped.

I'm Only Thinking Of Him (Man Of La Mancha)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I can't get the carpet out of my mind. I hate this. I HATE THIS FEELING. Ugh. It's so not what I want to be thinking about but it's all I do. He's always running around in my head. He seriously gets up in the morning, just before I wake up, puts on his cute little running shoes, crawls into my brain and jogs around, spinning thought of himself, while he smiles his adorable smile and waves excitedly. He doesn't stop until I go to bed. Where does he get the energy from? Fuck! And then in real life he's totally hard to read! On Sunday, when we had our orchestra rehearsal and move in to the theatre, he was being so cute and flirty. He accidentally got paint on my hoodie and later said that now I'll always think of him when I put it on. All I have to do is look at him and I melt. I want , him out of my life or in it completely. It's very frustrating. ARGH!

I'm not supposed to be like this. I've spent many many years training myself to love only me and think of only me and have sex with only me. Someone take away his running shoes.

On another note, we open on Friday night and I'm very excited.

Blank Sheet Of Paper (Babies! Babies! Babies!)

I may have gone on a date tonight. I'm not sure. I can never really tell.

Monkeys And Playbills ( [title of show] )

Welcome to my 100th BLOG EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!!!!! 100 blog, 100 showtunes! I've managed to write my first one hundred posts without ever once repeating a musical. And believe me, I've been tempted. I'm not sure how much longer I can stick with it, but there are thousands of musicals out there, so I can't give up now. It just sucks when I write something and have an amazing title for it, but I've already used up the musical. Oh well, such is life.

Thank you (all five of you) for sticking with me and reading up on me. I have loved doing the same for you (obsessively). You've been with me through a lot of important events in my life. From my first blog, Why (tick, tick... BOOM!), to my trip to Hong Kong, Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street) through Back To Before (Ragtime). From my missing Toronto and you guys way too much, My Friends (Sweeney Todd), to my forgetting all about you when I met Bernadette Peters and saw her live, Does Anybody Want To Buy A Memory (Brooklyn). The boycott I set against Ottawa's public transit system in It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q) is still going strong after six months. I made my first few substantial payments on my credit cards in Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic), setting myself off to a good start. I got a down and dirty in A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party) and I Can't Make This Movie (Nine) when I got it one with two different guys only days apart - the first knew my father, and the second I attempted to secretly videotape as he blew me on my mother's waching machine. I ended up in a brief romance, my first in like three years beginning with Then You May Take Me To The Fair (Camelot) and ending with What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar). You've witnessed my blog's face lift in I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy), and my obsession with So You Think You Can Dance, (which has rubbed off on most of you) in Fast (Zanna, Don't!). I complained about people being obsessed with the being in love in Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate) and have since fallen for someone I can't shake out of my system (or out of the closet!) in Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks). I had a paramount heart to heart with my mother in Confession (A Man Of No Importance) and my brother, What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead). Most importantly, Neenia and I became internet sensations in We Dance (Once On This Island). Thank you for reading, commenting, and making my life in Ottawa so much more bearable by allowing me to read your tales as well.

And now, Ladies and Gentleman, I present you with my first one hundred blog titles.

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

What The Fuck Was That? (Evil Dead 1&2: The Musical)

Waiting For This Moment (Tarzan)

What's Wrong With That? (Rags)

Small Talk (The Pajama Game)

I Get A Kick Out Of You, or, You're The Top (Anything Goes)

Cantiamo D'Amore (Kiss Me, Kate)

Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh (The Phantom Of The Opera)

Why God Why? (Miss Saigon)

Private Thoughts (Teddy & Alice)

Awesome (The Wedding Singer)

The Madness Of King Scar (The Lion King)

On The Street Where You Live (My Fair Lady)

Hell No! (The Colour Purple)

Keep It Gay (The Producers)

When Velma Takes The Stand (Chicago)

Safe (Hello Again)

Fast (Zanna, Don't!)

Make Me Happy (Lippa's The Wild Party)

Food, Glorious Food (Oliver!)

The Money Song (Cabaret)

Use What You've Got (The Life)

Good Morning, Baltimore (Hairspray)

I Imagine You're Upset (Bat Boy)

Movies Were Movies (Mack And Mabel)

We're Ok (Rent)

What's The Buzz (Jesus Christ Superstar)

Holding Out For A Hero (Footloose)

The Best Of Times (La Cage Aux Folles)

Summertime (Porgy And Bess)

Poor, Poor Pharoah (Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat)

One Special Man (Big)

Children Will Listen (Into The Woods)

Welcome To The World (john & jen)

See I'm Smiling (The Last Five Years)

This Is Not Over Yet (Parade)

I Think I Can Play This Part (The Goodbye Girl)

Workin' It Out (They're Playing Our Song)

Almost A Love Song (Victor/Victoria)

Then You May Take Me To the Fair (Camelot)

Pleased With Myself (Starting Here, Starting Now)

Feed Me [Git It] (Little Shop Of Horrors)

I Feel Pretty (West Side Story)

I Remember That (Saturday Night)

Diva's Lament (Spamalot)

Don't Like You (The Beautiful Game)

I Whistle A Happy Tune (The King And I)

Nothing (A Chorus Line)

I Can't Make This Movie (Nine)

Funny/The Duck Joke (My Favourite Year)

A Little Mmm (LaChiusa's The Wild Party)

Not Enough Magic (The Rink)

Goodnight And Thank You (Evita)

Don't Quit While You're Ahead (The Mystery Of Edwin Drood)

Steppin' To The Bad Side, or, I Am Changing (Dreamgirls)

Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little (The Music Man)

Getting In The Lifeboat (Titanic)

We've Won (The Who's Tommy)

Sexual Confusion (Taboo)

It Sucks To Be Me (Avenue Q)

Unexpected Song (Song and Dance)

Does Anybody Wanna Buy A Memory (Brooklyn)

My Friends (Sweeney Todd)

There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This (Sweet Charity)

Fancy Meeting You Here (Lucky Stiff)

Hard Work (Fame)

Why We Like Spelling (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)

Too Much Exposition (Urinetown)

Opportunity Knocking (The Thing About Men)

Who's Got The Pain? (Damn Yankees)

Day By Day (Godspell)

A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste (Whistle Down The Wind)

Where Do I Go? (Hair)

Poor, Unsuccessful And Fat (A New Brain)

The First Man You Remember (Aspects Of Love)

Everybody's Got The Right (Assassins)

No Life (Sunday In The Park With George)

If I Were A Bell (Guys and Dolls)

Back To Before (Ragtime)

Journey To The Past (Anastacia)

Simple Joys (Pippin)

Eternal Youth Is Worth A Little Suffering (Sunset Boulevard)

Getting Out Of Town (42nd Street)

What Is This Feeling? (Wicked)

Don't Tell Me Everything (Brownstone)

I Want It All (Baby)

Oh, Ain't That Sweet (Thou Shalt Not)

Why? (Tick, Tick...BOOM!)

Opening: The New World (Songs For A New World)

Slaughter On Tenth Avenue (On Your Toes)

Much like Dansy Antsy Pantsy, I'm wondering when the hell I'm going to change my life around and get healthy. Unlike her, however, I don't have any plans to make these changes anymore, after years of failed attempts.

This makes me wonder if I'm slowly killing myself. Is eating fast food all the time clogging my arteries? Does the fact that I really only actually get around to eating about once a day (barely) mean that I have an eating disorder? I have been consuming a significantly minimal amount of junk food and soft drinks of late. Not because I'm trying to, but because my sweet tooth is thinning. I love myself and I don't want me to be unhealthy, but I'm so damn lazy, I can't help it. I don't want to get my ass to a gym (tried that many times over, it's not for me), and I don't have time to eat before/at work. This is so gay. Should I be taking vitamins? Are protein shakes the answer?

Me (Beauty And The Beast)

Heard tonight:

"The thing about Skinny Rabbit is he'll blow you away but he'll never blow you." - Andrew, in drag

"Me and Lefou thought we'd just hang back and let Skinny Rabbit steal the spotlight." - Gaston, sarcastically, regarding our Maison Des Lunes trio.

"I've renamed that song The Cold Cut Trio, because it has two turkeys and a ham." - Maureen

"We were wondering, where were you when Gwen Verdon died? Because we think we know where she went." - Debbie (choreographer)

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me of My Rest (Iolanthe)

I also found out last night that he was in the national tour of Peter Pan in France. Cathy Rigby's Peter Pan, but she was not in that company. He was six years old and played Wendy's baby brother and he got to fly. Why is he torturing me?

Chess And Checkers (New Girl In Town)

The Good:

I bought a lot of lovely things this week including a winter jacket (it's brown, I tell ya!) from Holt Renfrew, five musical theatre CDs from Song And Script, a hat and gloves from Banana Republic, and a hoodie and pair of undies (my first pair of briefs since like grade 8!) from American Apparel.

I got to hang out with some of my favourite people.

I saw So You Think You Can Dance and shat myself. No really. I'm still wet. I met Natalie and had her babies and she licked me.

The Bad:

I didn't get a picture of Natalie because my fingers stopped working at that point. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I didn't get to say goodbye to Princesse Alathariel. It's my biggest regret and is still weighing on me.

I spent way too much money. More than I can afford.

The In-Between:

My crush, ugh, I can't even look at anymore. I can't stand the sight of that fucking adorable face any longer. It's getting to the point where talking to him kill me because all I want to do is put my lips on his. Whenever he's speaking to me I give him absolutely no reaction because if I react, it'll be by putting my lips on his. So I give him nothing. I hope he knows.

He's also making me feel inadequate, but not on purpose. I found out today that because of his father's status in the government he doesn't need a passport and can hop on a plane to go anywhere in the world within an hours notice with some sort of international card (I suppose this is like a passport for important people). I found out today that when he was sixteen he went to Kenya and South Africa by himself just because. He's always brings up stuff like this casually because he's kind of insecure that way, which is fine because I do it too, but he still makes me jealous that he's so much younger than me and has seen more Broadway shows than I have. And I've seen quite a few. That's not wrong of me to feel is it? We all feel this way around people like that, right?

He's also pretty catty behind people's backs and is really judgmental. Not that that's a turn off, you just always wonder what he's saying behind your back. Except he usually complements me which makes me think that he wouldn't bad mouth me. But I still want him.

(Oh, and did I mention that he's also an artist. Have I ever told you that I've always wanted to fall in love with someone who can draw and paint, because it's one ability I've always wished I had? It's killing me. Killing me!)

Rape Ballet (The Fantasticks)

Excuse me, but I'm sweet on you and you know it. I mean, I've never told you, but you know. You can tell. Look, I know you're not interested in a relationship and you're too selfish and focused on your career right now. Baby, that's cool. So am I! I just think you're super cute. Your smile totally warms my heart and you have nice eyes. Your eyebrows are a little too close together, but we can fix that. I love that you can sing, have a background in gymnastics and are way more flexible that me. I love that you acknowledge that I'm a better dancer than you. It turns me on that you have such a passion for set design and that you go to New York twice a year to see the original cast of all the new Broadway shows, specifically to scope out the sets, and that while you're there you always take a workshop. I fucking love your ambition and drive. I love that you are in university studying architecture. I love that you have a great sense of style, one where you can pull off outfits from thrift stores to Harry Rosen. I love that you're cynical. Did I mention I dig your smile? I hate that you're not open about who you are and that nothing can ever happen between us. Unless we're all wrong and you're not, in which case I'm sorry for doubting you. But you are and I want you.

If I Were Anybody Else But Me (Naughty Marietta)

I don't remember what time I woke up this afternoon, but I do remember that I layed in bed with the blinds drawn and watched Sex And The City for hours, beginning with commentary from season four, and ending with only two episodes left to go from season five.

The clock is about to strike six and I am still in my pajamas, and I feel a little sick from not having eaten yet. I may have some chips. Then I will shower. Then I will order a pizza.

At approximately nine pm I will be picked up and taken to a lavish party at Foundation, thrown in my honour.

I'm feeling a little fabulous. No. A lot fabulous.

You Don't Want To Play With Me Blues (The Boy Friend)

I received this message from a 16 year old today regarding one of our videos. It reads as follows:

im sorry.. but im a dancer and your video of calling you is just disrespecful. im sure if i knew you it would be funny. but i am a dancer and one of mia michaels (the choreographer) students.. and im not too sure shed appreciate it either. i really don't think it's that funny or amussing. that dance is amazing and you just make fun of it is disrespectful. dont watch the show if all your going to do is make fun.

thanks

My retort:

What an interesting reaction. I'm sorry that you felt we were being disrespectful. That was definitely not our intention at all. We were in no way mocking the choreography or the choreographer. We were mearly goofing around in the living room and having fun. If we were making fun of anything, it was our own inability to do the choreography because it is incredibly challenging. We have nothing but repect for the show and especially for Mia Michaels.

I'm not sure why I'm dignifying your comment with a response, especially when most of your sentences don't make any sense. As a writer, and an English speaking human being, I find it insulting that you have such disrespect for the English language. Stay in school and learn some grammar, and how to use punctuations properly.

Thank you.

Mama Gimme Smack On The Asshole (Jerry Springer - The Opera)

...Because that is what I deserve right now. I just remembered... that's right... just... that I missed someone's birthday on August 28th. Just remembered. About six weeks later. This happens to be the same someone who's side I stood by on her wedding day two months ago as her maid of honour. Why am I such a dinkus? I've called her since, but not to say happy birthday, and I actually never did get through to her. I wonder what she thinks of me right now. I hate me right now. I'm supposed to be her best friend!

On a happier note, I remembered only four days too late that I missed Dancy Antsy Pantsy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANDA! ALBERT LOVES YOU! (even though his memory seems to be failing him in his old age).

On an even happier note I thought I had also forgotten Bedroom Prince's birthday, but then I realized it was more than a month away, so I'm resting easy on that one. I'll remember it hopefully only 2 days later.

And on the happiest note, Neenia and I are celebrities! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme. Pop culture icons? No? In any case, we have a small but growing fan base on youtube.com with our So You Think You Can Dance videos! Go check out such comments as:

"this was great! you guys are my heros. or is it heroes?" - ryanhr17

"you should do more dances from the show." - donaldo543

"i'm obsessed with the two of you." - ryanhr17

"she kind of looks like alison" - ameg03

"Wow, I was expecting you guys to really suck. I'm impressed!" - Rachella1983

Yes. We are amazing. I feel better now about being the worst friend in the entire world.

For No Good Reason At All (Big Deal)

Mia Michaels Makes Me Hard

We Dance (Once On This Island)

Who's better?

Confession (A Man Of No Importance)

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon. She took me to a park near Dow's Lake. We sat on a bench. The leaves were orange and brown. Across from us was the end of the Rideau Canal, with several ducks in the water and others standing on land, watching their little friends swim. I told her. I wish someone had been taking pictures or something. I looked good. I was wearing my brown leather jacket over my blue-ish/grey hoodie, over a creamy orange shirt and my hair was strategically messy. Marry that to the perfectly cool, not cold, weather and scenery, and it would have been a lovely scene in a movie.

By the way, the he was my brother, and I'm weirded out that he's the first one in the family I told. I always thought it would be my sister.